Monday, March 20, 2006


(Sorry - blogger photo is wonky right now - will add later. )
(Done.)

I ordered some supplies for the office at my part-time job, and now I'm on crap mailing lists, and these appalling catalogs keep coming to the office, addressed to me, of course. My current favorite is the tackiest one so far which includes all manner of drain-unclogging products, toilet seat pads, and house shoes with mop-bottoms so you can dust your floor as you shuffle around the house. Seriously. But by far, my favorite product is the Nippits™ which are like little adhesive rubbermaid daisies you can stick on your breasteses to keep the nipples from showing through. This amazes me. Why cover up all that creamy goodness?? Besides, If I can't hyp-mo-tize you with my bewitching eyes, then I'll have to resort to plan B and pull you in with my twin tractor beams of feminine mojo. Everybody wins.

23 comments:

Grace said...

Funny.

I wonder what Nippits are doing in an office supply magazine pool? hum...

Ben Heller said...

Funny how photo blogger went wonky when you started posting pictures of you modelling these Nippits TM.

Tickersoid said...

I wan't some of those things, I'll wear them to work on my forehead.

phlegmfatale said...

grace - maybe it's an attempt to cut down on sexual harrassment, covering up the leetle flowairs! (that was my Pepe le Pew impersonation, by the way)

ben - yeah, some things are just too wonderful to be contained on a single .jpg

tickesoid - if you'll really do that and document with photographs, I'll send you some, seriously!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Don't you know nipples aren't allowed at work? Next thing you know, they'll be running the place...

Becky said...

I've spent too much on bras trying to cover them up, so they don't poke through in the middle of a Board meeting. Despite what we've been told, it's not always an asset at work.

David Amulet said...

This invention is evil--the product of Satanic tampering with the natural order of things. Next thing you know, they'll be marketing skirt-lengtheners and cleavage filler. Stop the madness!!

-- david

:P fuzzbox said...

This invention is just plain wrong. When Kinky is elected, he will put an end to this atrocity in Texas.

Tam said...

Y'know, if I was going to go through all the trouble of sticking pasties to myself, I think I'd skip it and just go ahead and wear the bra.

Kelly said...

Sure thing, I would much rather have my breasts look like funky lumps than let my nipples show through my shirt.

I made the mistake of putting my name all over paperwork when I went to a seminar. Now I get catalogs and paperwork about seminars left and right. Too bad I misplaced that one on "How to Become More Organized".

Zelda said...

Let my nipples go!

Ranea said...

Hey if the girls want to stand at attention, then they deserve attention:)

Will said...

Didn't George Clooney use this product for Batman and Robin, I'm sure Nippits needs a celebrity spokesperson.

phlegmfatale said...

barbara - nipples are anarchists. Well, mine are, anyhoo.

becky - I don't have the option of leaving my nipples at home when I go to work, and mine would make their presence known even if I plastered my chest with composition shingles or a brass brassiere, etc.

david - yes, clearly a conspiracy is afoot

fuzzbox - we should start a letter-writing campaign immediately

o.g. hahaha yeah - that's a hard-learned lesson

zelda - go tell it on the mountain!

ranea - yes, they demand attention!

will - I can't think of a better celebrity spokesperson. I think you've hit on something there

Heather B said...

Haha ... and to think someone is very rich for thinking of these.

Liz said...

OOoh, composition shingles - one of Victoria's big secrets.

It's Me, Maven... said...

Um...

This is hysterical...

"let's obscure them"

Then you go to www.bodyperks.com

"let's get some attention."

Hysterical.

mini driver wannabe said...

There is a time and a place for nipples--every time and every place. Mine let themselves known when they need attention-how else are they supposed to get attention?

Mary said...

Office supplies hmmm? Nippets aren't in the the catalogues that have crossed my desk. I know because I read them cover to cover :-)

Thanks for your visits chez moi pf. It's nice here - I'll be back. And anyone who has Wings of Desire on their list of favourite films is one of the good guys. Fabulous - saw it 3 times and now have it on DVD.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

hahaha "nipples are anarachists" -my dear, you've just provided me with today's quote. Thanks!

June Cleaver's Revenge said...

That underdeveloped model needs to take those Nippits off. Her nipples are our only clue that she has actual breasts.

The Blog Whore said...

Those are great for the chicks with the crooked nips you know the ones that are located at 10 and 4....

or the ones that end up on the bottom of their boobs...Like they are looking for pennies on the street...

phlegmfatale said...

heather b - I dunno - it seems they would be painful to peel off, so I don't know how many repeat customers they'd have

liz - tee hee

nuggetmave - thanks for the link - I knew there was such a product out there

my thoughts exactly, mini driver wannabe!

Actually, Mary - the catalog was full of homey items, but came to the office.

barbara - glad I could help out

june c's revenge - excellent point. er. points.

blogwhore - yeah, I suppose. pennies on the street? Bwahahaha