Friday, March 03, 2006


Someone brilliant recently said "bathroom emergencies are why God gave us Super Big Gulp™ cups." Ok. It was me. I said it and I stand by that statement.

Or the big yellow cups from Dickey's Barbecue - you locals know what I'm talking about. Once husband and I were on the road in his Suburban, and nature called me rather insistently. There were three options: I could either sully the nice upholstery and render his road hog an olfactory nightmare for the remainder of the trip, stop somewhere miles up the road, or pee in a handy Dickey's barbecue cup. Guess what I chose? Damned skippy I peed in the cup. It was a suburban, for heaven's sake, and I relished the engineering challenge. Actually, at that point I was beyond all reasoning. Mission accomplished, we laughed and laughed, and all the while I'm holding the ickily warm yellow cuppa as merrily we rolled along. We turned from the highway onto a smaller road, and I thought that was my chance to discreetly pour the urine out the window, yeah? I know - musta been full of beer not to think that one through. Of course, not only was the side of the suburban inevitably going to be given a golden shower, I gave no thought to the rate at which we were traveling, and I held the cup out, upright, and before I could tip it in either direction, the wind ripped it out of my hands. Ruh roh raggy!
We'll never know if the car behind us got a bit of blow-back or if they were just outraged that I let fly a plastic product in the wilds of nature, but some scowling people drove by shaking their fist at me from their environmentalist be-stickered auto. Meddlesome hall-monitor-assed bitches!
Uh, husband just read this post and said it was a Wendy's Biggie cup. Well, at least I got the yellow part right. Dickey's sounded more fun, though, dinnit?

11 comments:

Gone Home said...

You should tell Wendys! They could use it as part of their advertising!

phlegmfatale said...

Ahhhhh, what a brilliant ideer! Maybe I could make a little cash by starring in the commercial reenactment!

The Blog Whore said...

That story remimded me of when I was several months pregnant, I spent 2 days hiding in my laundry room, peeing in a cup because our only bathroom was being remodeled.

CP said...

No no no. Do not go to WENDY's with that story. They had to endure the chili finger already. If they found out their Biggie cups were doubling as urinals, poor Dave Thomas will roll over in his grave.

How could you pee on that little red haired freckle faced girl???

For shame. I am appalled.

At least when it was a Dickey's cup, I could see the innuendo for the trees.

Your DNA is on someones car. Ha. You better hope they never commit a murder. Heh.

CP.

phlegmfatale said...

cp - how did I pee on the freckle faced girl? With immense pleasure, I assure you. Yeah, the Dickey's WAS a more romantic notion. As for the DNA, well, they'll have to find me first!

phlegmfatale said...

poor blog whore - that must have been miserable - but at least you did have someplace private to go. Dropping trou and maneuvering in a moving vehicle - albeit a large one - is no easy feat!

Liz said...

Heh, you said dickey's

Damn, now I want BBQ.

It's Me, Maven... said...

Made me think of this:
http://www.star.niu.edu/articles/?id=10984

phlegmfatale said...

liz - dirty girl!

nuggetmaven - THAT is hilarious - thanks for the link... But what about the lady truckers, I'd like to know?

Rocky (Racquel) said...

somewhere some poor Indian chief has a single tear rolling down his cheek due the your shenanigans


LOL

phlegmfatale said...

you naughty rocky!!!