Sunday, March 18, 2007

Saturday morning was a hot mess.

I kept getting out of bed and setting the alarm clock on the other side of the room for later. (See why it has to be on the other side of the room?)

At one point I was driving the wrong way up the toll road,[dream sequence] and I was behind a bunch of other people going the wrong way, and everyone was trying to keep from hitting the enormous baby penguins standing around in the road, some of them levitating about 8 feet off the ground. At one point, rather than have a head-on collision, I rear-ended a parked car knowing my chance of survival would be greater that way, even though I was only going about 10 miles per hour.

So I sprang out of bed at 7:28. My class started at 8:00 and was a 30 minute drive from home. I did the 9-minute miracle make-ready™ and managed to look relatively pulled-together.

I got to class about 15 minutes late. Found out that this won't be my last weekend - the state board exam prep class will be a Saturday and Sunday also, woe is me. I'm going to take next weekend, off, though. I'm wiped out. I've been a colossal spaz lately and I've gotten a tremendous lot of things done, but I feel like the essence of me has suffered in the process - like I've been phoning it in, not quite all there.
From the feel-good news of the week, let's take a moment to sit back, put our feet up and enjoy the crashing waves of irony. Obviously, I do and have owned up to watching some oober-crap-reality-tv-programming, but there is one show I watched about 10 minutes of at a friend's house, and the primary contestant convinced me I'd seen 14 minutes too many. The show was Survivor, and the repugnant contestant was Richard Hatch. Through a gritty combination of snide intimidation, devious ploys and the strategic deployment of his doughy, pasty carcass, Richard Hatch managed to cow or manipulate himself into the winner's circle on that show, cashing in to the tune of a cool million.

Now (see link above) he is cooling his heels in a prison for his refusal to pay taxes on that million, but he's whining about what a hell-hole prison is, even with the beautiful view. The most tasty morsel he tosses off is when he whines about his lowest-common-denominator fellow inmates' incessant watching of Jerry Springer's show. I'd call that the punishment fitting the crime.


FHB said...

Really. What an asshole. You know he'll be runnin' that prison in no time, manipulating all the dim bulbs around him the way he did on that show. And then he's gonna get out and write a book and REALLY get paid. Crap. He's had his 15 minutes. I thought he was done. Fecal matter always seems to float to the top, don't it?

Dick said...

Come on Phlegm, he's innocent! He caught them cheating and they said they'd pay his taxes!!!
They would never make that would they even know he would win. The guy is a jackass and always will be.
I can't help but hate his guts.


Barbara Bruederlin said...

That is a nice touch of karma on that Survivor/Springer bit. Pot, meet kettle.
Do watch out for the levitating baby penguins this week.