Thursday, February 09, 2006

Which butter substitute would Mohammed choose?

OK. I have just GOT to rant about this one. I don't need the confirmation of the major media to know I'm right about an issue. Being right is my natural state. In fact, I'm SO right that I'm Libertarian. So there it is.

Anyway. There's been a story in the news the past couple days that has really smoked my buns. A long-term study on low-fat diet found that a
Spartan culinary fastidiousness did not lessen the likelihood of developing colo-rectal cancers and heart-disease in middle-aged women. I heard this on CNN, NPR and on 820 AM, liberal and conservative news organizations. Each had an expert pontificating on the subject saying that perhaps in a 50 year old woman, 10 years of good diet wasn't enough. So what-- you're screwed if you ever ate a twinkie? They said you have to follow this drab diet for a lifetime to reap the benefits - so what's the point? The fact is that we don't have a lifetime to wait for their theory to be borne out, and they don't admit the very real possibility that diet may not make so much difference after all. The fact is that we all are genetically predisposed to have certain illnesses or conditions, and with every one of us it's a time bomb, and no amount of careful planning or dietary abstinence will keep us from dying. What I've always said is people work their asses off to circumvent what's going to kill them anyway. Why not just enjoy ourselves and make the most of the time we DO have?

I'll never forget the straight-faced delivery of the outrageous "documentary" Super Size Me (Super Smug Me, more like) after they have wrought fear and horror over a crap McDonald's diet so extreme NO ONE eats that way, they say (sorry, I'm gonna mangle the quote here, but the spirit is the same) "if you continue to eat a fast food diet, you could end up here." The film then shows a graveyard. I was aghast - it was so heavy-handed and lame that I couldn't believe anyone would recommend this shit-bomb of sensational manipulation - it too much stretched the bounds of credibility. Well guess what, assholes? Vegans and healthfood nuts die. Yoga and aerobics instructors die. In fact, gurus die. And they are no less dead than the rotund Junior Samples from Hee Haw or Dodi & Di or Albert Einstein..

No one here is getting out alive. The life we have is a gift, and the best we can do is to enjoy it in the company of loved ones and in the pursuit of ideals we find noble. Yes, within reason, we should take care of our bodies and have a care what we consume, but I think we have crossed the fine line from sensible to insanity when we navel-gaze and obsess about such things. Moderation in all things--especially moderation. Get out there and live, eat some paté and a deep-fried Mars bar, and take what you hear in the news with a grain of salt. Make that a dash of salt.

Oh, and pass the wine and hand me that extra stick of butter.


Mauser*Girl said...

I don't think any of these people are getting it right.

You have the health nuts on one side who are depriving their bodies of dietary needs like meat and fats. Then you have fast food morons on the other side who won't eat a fruit or vegetable unless it's been battered and fried.

And then you have ALL THE REST of people who enjoy a little bit of everything. They might pick up some burders from BK for lunch, but they will also have sushi or stir fry on other days.

And honestly, everyone dies. You could die of cancer just because that particular type of cancer happens to run in your family and has absolutely nothing to do with your lifestyle or food choices.

phlegmfatale said...

Well said, mauser girl!

Mauser*Girl said...

If you don't mind, I think I'll link you! :)

phlegmfatale said...

I'd be honored, and when I do links someday soon, you'll be on mine. Your blog is precisely the caliber I admire!

Joe said...


Zelda said...


Pass me the bacon too. I would put that shit on my ice cream if it were a topping.

I'm all for eating, but there is a point of gluttony where the dreaded "quality of life" goes into the crapper. I mean, a 5'2" 300+ woman is not going to have an easy time of it in spite of the Fatty Fridays.

So my insightful comments boil down to the simple cliche of "moderation in all things."

phlegmfatale said...

Totally, zelda. I'm not condemning people for being extremely cautious with regard to food or being extremely dedicated to exercise. I'm just saying do it because you enjoy it, and don't believe you'll live forever. Yes, moderation.

Dick said...

As long as you guys stay the hell out of Fattie friday pics, I don't care. Go for it.

Pat Kirby said...

I find people who yap about diets or anything else health related, endlessly, tedious. It's so f-ing self absorbed.

"Today I've had 250 of my 100 calories." "No, I can't eat that. Carbs." Zzzzzzz.

It's like listening to old people yap about their medications.

Zelda said...

LOL. You'll never stop people from hoping they are the grand exception. It's what gets half the population through another day.

phlegmfatale said...

No kidding, zelda! Great comments, all. Then again, the people who gab incessantly about diet and crap like that-- I generally hold that those types aren't able to think beyond the narrowly personal anyway, let alone hold an engaging conversation about something relevant to other people. Fortunately for them, they have plenty of people who share their insipid lack of sophistication, so they are in good company. I just wish they would shut up when thinking folk are in the room.

phlegmfatale said...

You know, I totally agree, pat kirby. Diets, medications, bowel movements, don't catalog them for me, please! People must think that passes for riveting conversation!