Tuesday, October 23, 2007

pH imbalance.

Are you sitting down?

I hereby pinkie swear I'm not making this next thing up, no matter how improbable or immaculately inane it may seem.

Paris Hilton is going to Rwanda for humanitarian purposes. "There's so much need in that area, and I feel like if I go, it will bring more attention to what people can do to help," she allegedly said.

Um, I think they already have enough problems of their own, Paris.

Then again, maybe you can hook up with one of those Doctors Without Borders gratis plastic surgeon guys and he can fix that lazy eye. Some have said you could use a vaginoplasty, but I don't want to be mean, so I wouldn't suggest that, but I will say that if you didn't go around flashing your nethers at paparazzi, the question of labial correction would merely be a matter of speculation, rather than one of verifiable fact. I do suggest that you refrain from flashing your fanny as you deplane, because you don't want to put those starving people off their meager feed.

As you fly home on your private jet, all warm and toasty-feeling from that mission of mercy, take a moment to thank grandpa that you plopped into a milieu that allows you to have a handbag that cost more than the price of food for a whole village in Rwanda for a year. Yeah, you go there. That's what the world really needs. Because merely giving a rat's ass is enough-- it's the thought that counts. Whatever you do, don't just send a lot of money or a big shipment of food to them, because that's so low-profile and someone might not give you credit for really caring. And we all know how much you really care about the pipples of the world.

I'm just saying.


Christina RN LMT said...

That's hot!


What a waste of oxygen that woman is.

Mauser*Girl said...

Maybe the warring factions of Rwanda, or whatever rebel forces are left, will do humanity a favor and accidentally (or purposely) put Paris Hilton out of our misery.

g bro said...

That is one unattractive photo. Look, you can see her brains!

fuzzbert_1999@yahoo.com said...

At least she was wearing panties!

phlegmfatale said...

christina - for real!

mauser*girl - one can hope

g bro - Indeed, and she's clearly non compos pantis

mushy - I couldn't bare *hyuk* to post the pantsless shots. Ew.

Buck said...


LBJ said...

Size 2 body, Size zero brain, that one.

I sponsor a child in Africa through Compassion Intl. I am allowed to give a monetary gift in addition to the monthly amount. Last year I got a nice tax refund so I sent several hundred dollars, the rule however, is that the money be earmarked for something in particular so they can ascertain that it is spent on what it was intended.

I put "household needs"

I got a little letter back from my girl and her siblings. When that small amount of money they built a house. I mean. . a HOUSE. With a tin roof and walls and all, before they were living in a lean to.

Amazing. The cost of Paris's purse.

The little letters and pictures the kids drew were just priceless, and they wrote how it made their widowed mother (a sustenance farmer making $20 a month) cry.

Tam said...

"The little letters and pictures the kids drew were just priceless, and they wrote how it made their widowed mother (a sustenance farmer making $20 a month) cry."

Heck, it just made me cry.

HollyB said...

Since we are trying to establish some type of diplomatic ties with Vietnam...I wonder if the next time Paris breaks the law, and you know she will, she could serve her sentence in the Hanoi Hilton?

Perhaps she could receive the same treatment our POWs received, just for a couple of days. After all, Paris eats sushi already. doesn't she? SO the fishhead and rice soup shouldn't be such a radical change in her diet. If she already does yoga, the hanging from the rafters with her arms tied to a bamboo rod shouldn't be too much more of a stretch.
And it IS a Hilton Hotel, of a sort...so she'll feel right at home!

Unknown said...

And what's really sad is how much attention the media is going to give her, as if she really gives a crap about what she's doing (and nevermind the private jet and hypocrisy that goes with her actions).

FHB said...

Hilarious. What a looser. So tired of hearing about her.

Anonymous said...

Everybody would still hit it as long as they didn't have to tell anybody.


phlegmfatale said...

buck - quite.

skywriter - how is it you keep getting more and more beautiful? You are just the best, most wonderful person. And yeah, it's funny, but you never know how something almost insignificant to you might make a world of difference to someone else. This is so inspiring and part of what made Tuesday such a great day for me. Thanks!

tam - me too - I cried the first TWO times I read that.

holly - my name is phlegmmy and I approved what Holly said.

becky - perzackley!

fhb - Yup, she's so not hot.

anonymous - I have no doubt that's true, and more than a few would not be remotely embarrassed to admit that.

phlegmfatale said...

btw - I love how you said "looser", fhb.

Zelda said...

Aren't the Africans plagued with enough diseases?