Tuesday, January 03, 2006

We acquired our current home telephone number about 19 months ago. We only keep this number for strategic sheep purposes anyway, so no friends or family ever call us on it. Therefore, every time the phone rings at 2AM, we know it's some bitch attempting a booty call on Littrell (last owner of this number, apparently). They called last night at about 3am, and this morning at about 8am. I am taking suggestions from you, gentle readers, for what the appropriate response should be. My first inclination: Littrell died of AIDS last week. Another friend suggested Oh, his thang fell off - you need to get checked for Herpes simplex 14. And I rather fancied: I'm glad you called - the Health Department wants to test you. I'll post sundry other foul responses as they occur to me.

6 comments:

TiffaneyC said...

That's hilarious...I thought my 3 am faxes were bad, I get to just hang up, but you have to deal with sexually charged people..you must post an update!! :)

Zelda said...

Oh, those are good. Let me think. How about "Litrell o.d'ed a few months ago. But he's out of the coma and he only soils his diaper three times a day now that he's holding down the solids. You should come and see him sometime."

phlegmfatale said...

ew, faxes through the night, tif? That's awful. The funny thing is we've become innured to the strikes-fear-in-your-heart aspect a middle of the night call used to elicit. We know Grampa is not dead when the phone rings, just some horny heifer!

Good one, Zelda, but if the persistence of these women is any indication, they'll be interested to know if his wedding tackle is still functioning while he's on life-support and being fed through a tube!

Kim Carney said...

I think the health depart wants you to be tested, that is the best one!

Becky said...

I've had my new number for a couple of weeks (after my move) and I've gotten a ton of wrong numbers. Grrr... I'm not usually neurotic, but I have the home #, just in case my cell dies and I've lost my charger. STrange, huh? Plus, I like the ability to fax if I need to (like today).

phlegmfatale said...

We had a phone number once that ended in 7573, and in that town (McKinney Texas) a battered women's shelter had the number ending 7375, and people would mis-dial frequently. Once a hostile man called in the middle of the night insisting he KNEW she was there with us. Creepy.