Monday, August 07, 2006

I was talking to my brother tonight and I said if it's not observed when the prisoners in question are captured American military, then we should take the Geneva Convention and throw it out the window.
He said "The rules of war? That's stupid. It's kind of like fornicating for chastity."


It got windier than a bag of buttholes in Dallas today, and next thing ya know, it's raining. It was a grand thing, and me caught out without my camera, alas!

Cross-purpose eddies of dead leaves swirled in the streets. The rain was beautiful, and much needed.

A lady swerved her car over into my lane and nearly hit LouLou the baby shoe. I laid into my horn and honked a good successive 5 seconds, none of which the old heifer appeared to have heard. All I know is my Asian SUV is about to get an all-American make-over.

As soon as I got out of traffic, I dialed my dad and told him my horn isn't cutting the mustard. I told him when I hit the horn, I want the person I'm honking at to pee their pants. Dad said to bring 'er in and he'll fix her up. Yee haw! I'll give a full report, of course.
Have a great Monday!


Tickersoid said...

I have a little 850cc three wheeled car. It's horn goes 'meeb'
I've often thought of going down the scrap yard and fitting it with one that goes AAAAAARRROOOOOOGHAAAAAA!!!!!

nongirlfriend said...

Is LouLou your SUV?

I named my car Baby Red. Ol' Red was the rusty-butt truck I teetered around in for a while. May she rest in peace.

We didn't get much rain. Now I have to water tonight.

Dick said...

You want the horn loud enough so it'll wake up the old folks who are laboriously dragging their oxygen tanks across the parking lot, through the hot hot hot sun.

nongirlfriend said...

Hey, before you do anything with that resume, read your email. L is worried! Thanks!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Perhaps the old heifer was in fact deaf. Never hurts to ramp up the horn though.

Do you know what is scary? Old folks driving 10 kms below the speed limit, and then when they reach a playground zone (which is 30 kms/hr) their speed does not change one iota. Obviously they are completely unaware of their surroundings and that terifies me.

phlegmfatale said...

tickersoid - you DEFINITELY need to get a big horn for that puppy!

dick - *LOL* Thanks for the reminder of insipid outrage! Yeah, they need waking up.

nongirlfriend - no problem - I'm off today and not doing anything for anyone!

barbara - Yeah, she probably was deaf - she was certainly oblivious enough. Great point - Mr. Magoo is 78 and I refuse to ride anywhere with him - between our office and a place downtown we were going, he was honked and/or nearly hit no less than about 8 times. This is in a distance of under 2 miles. Eek. I know it's a difficult thing to give up one's independence, but my goodness, when they are a hazard to everyone on the road including themselves, well, they need to be forced not to drive.

Thomas J Wolfenden said...

I was about 5 when my oldest sister graduated from nursing school. Her graduation present to herself was a brand new Datsun B-210... It had the most anemic horn in the world and sounded like a ratfart.

Anyway, I remember my borther and my father discussing taking out the horn and putting in one from a diesel locomotive...

That would turn bowels fluid on the road!

Becky said...

In Hawaii, no one uses their horn...ever. Since I'd moved back there from Texas, you can imagine I was the only one honking away:)

David Amulet said...

Uhhh, di dyou just say "cutting the mustard?" Yeah, I thought you did. Now there's a phrase I haven't heard in a long time!!

-- david

FHB said...

It's always good to know somebody who can fix shit.

phlegmfatale said...

ranger tom - that sounds exactly like what I'm looking for - poopy pants for the crappy driver.

becky - *L* I'll bet there are some shitty drivers in Hawaii, too! Yeah,I'd honk my balls off, there.

david amulet - yup, I said it.

fathairybastard - yup, it definitely pays!

Maven said...

windier than a bag of buttholes... quite the visual you paint!!!

phlegmfatale said...

Well, if the shoe fits!