Saturday, August 25, 2007
My first car was a gloriously bitchin' '74 Camaro (how did you guess?)my parents gave me in 1983. Yeah, I knew my car would go 150, but I was chintzy with that 63 cent-a-gallon gasoline. I worked as a checker for Winn-Dixie (I totally rocked that job) and I made $6.36/hour, more than double minimum wage, so yeah, I was chintzy with the gas.
But there was the one time three boys from the football team who were neighbors wanted a ride home. I think they peed theysefs when I said "Lookie what I can do!" Yes, splurge when you have company, darlings. I poured on the coal and burned about 1/4 tank of gas in about 45 seconds. If you think about it, it was a role-reversal of a certain intimate act. *wink* Seriously. It was good for me.
I think I leered at them, my face cracking into an evil rictus of a grin when I said something like "If I sneeze in about 20 seconds, we'll probably all die" and then I opened 'er up. Doug Johnson's eyes got big as saucers. I think it's good to unfurl a pithy line at the appropriate moment to mark the occasion. They didn't laugh.
OK, that was kind of bitchy/jerky of me, wasn't it? But they were guys. I thought they were sposta be tough, or something.
Oh, it was glorious, my darlings. Actually, that's the only time I ever really drove very fast. I was so cheap! What ever happened to her?
Anyhoo, in honor of my first sweet ride, here's Bitchin' Camaro by the Dead Milkmen.