Saturday, May 05, 2007

You can think of it as Paris Hilton going to jail for 45 days for violating probation.

I choose to think of it as Paris Hilton paying a teeny-weeny price for the innumerable sins of trustafarians the world over.

Let's not worry about her too much, though - I'm sure some benevolent soul will take her under her wing. Maybe ER Landson - also of the Lynwood Women's Correctional Facility - will take pity and let Paris do her hair while they swap stories about boys and manicures and who in West L.A. sells the best Colombian marching powder. They'll swap make-up tips and Paris will help apply ER's signature abalone pink pearl nail polish, vainly trying to keep the falling ash from ER's ever-present lower-lip-dangling cigarette from sullying the fresh lacquer. But I said it would be in vain: after the falling ash spoils the wet enamel, Paris will whine and sulk, and then ER will have to beat her on the backs of the thighs with a hair accessory from the Goody line of products. (why do you think they call them "paddle brushes?"] Then Paris will remove the spoiled manicure and start over. Rinse. Lather. Repeat.

Somewhere in Texas, the common man's burden will shift ever so slightly as his load eases, and Paris pays for a rich asshole's cat that peed in someone's car.

Life is good.


Ambulance Driver said...

Paris going to jail?

OMG, that's HOT!

(you'll have to imagine the vacuous tone)

Is she finally being punished for her performance in House of Wax?

I fail to see what fascination people have in this chick. Real women have CURVES.

At least Anna Nicole Smith had a body by Fisher, mind by Mattel.

Paris' mind is by Fisher Price, and every unwanted glimpse I get of her body makes me just..just...just want to tie her down...

and feed her bony ass a sandwich.

Attila the Mom said...

Maybe they could do a Simple Life show with her getting her ass traded over a pack of Merits. ;-)

I know, I'm mean. I can't help myself.

phlegmfatale said...

ad - have I told you lately that I love you? ph definitely needs to be force-fed a plate of lawdog's idaho nachos every day or so-- she looks as alluring as an ironing board.

atilla tm - hilarity - love it! love you for saying it - 'specially the bit about the merits. snarktastic. and why not? -- I think the whole hilton clan owes a great debt to western civilisation.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

You just know that all the bobble-headed PH wannabes are now going to be bombing around plastered in their daddy's cars in the hopes of getting some cool jail time as well, now that it's the hot thing to do.

I hope she gets a nice prison tattoo out of it at least.

FHB said...


FHB said...

She'll come out and do a hip hop record. Sport a tupac tatoo.

phlegmfatale said...

barbara - well, if she serves a minute of time, I'll be surprised.

fathairybastard - she'll get a 7 figure book deal.