Monday, May 14, 2007

This story occurred to me late Sunday, and it would have fit nicely in the mum post. Anyway, it's kinda funny, kinda odd.

We lived in Memphis when I was 5. We lived in a duplex and the family next door was the same configuration (mom, dad, daughter, son) and they were a little odd. We could hear the parents fighting nearly every night, and the woman was clearly unhinged. She was probably profoundly depressed.

One day, I was playing in the front yard when the little 3 year old boy next door came at me with a diaper pin, telling me his mother had told him to stick it in my eyes. I ran in to my mother, who told me to stay in the house. The next thing I know, I hear the crazy lady out in the yard, yelling at Mom. Then here they went, legs and arms akimbo in a pure-dee cartwheeling catfight of epic proportions.

Oh, yeah, my Mom kicked her ass, and crazy lady ass is hard to kick. Mom marched back into the house, mad, steaming, then went into the kitchen and leaned her elbows on the counter, her right fist clenched, and put her left hand to her eyes and started crying. I think it was probably more from being rattled by the whole thing than her being hurt. Suddenly, she lifted that right fist from the counter and opened her fingers, and what looked like a fair sized rodent sprang from her hand. I was in absolute awe. I'd heard tell of someone being snatched bald, but Mom had actually done it.

If that woman is alive today, I'll bet she still has a bald spot.


Ambulance Driver said...

Wow. I never realized we were neighbors!

Just for the record, that diaper pin I was holding was very blunt, and I was as scared of my Mom as you were.

She spoke highly of your Mom until the day she died, however. She was fond of quoting that line from Blazing Saddles:

"Sheriff Bart first man ever whip Mongo. Mongo impressed!"

Anonymous said...

I remember my mom in a fight as well over me at 13. She kicked her butt, came back in the house and continued to cook dinner like nothing happened. I was in awe!

Thank God for mothers who protect their own and leave us with everlasting memories. :)

phlegmfatale said...

ambulance driver - you're so cool!

lainy - That rocks! Yup, a lioness is something to behold.

none said...

good for mom! Crazy violent people need an asswhoopin once in a while. said...

Wow, a tough mommie story...we have that in common!

Great story...thanks for sharing.

FHB said...

Really. A great story. Your mom's a peach. I bet that was astounding to see.

phlegmfatale said...

hammer - Yeah, that is SO true. Sad thing is mom didn't want to fight her, she was pitiful. She was screaming her head off, and mom was yelling at her husband to pull her off my mom. Mom said the hair thing probably happened when she banged crazy lady's head against the car.

mushy - yeah, we are part of an elite club! Glad you enjoyed it.

fathairybastard - Yeah, it's funny because you'd never imagine my shy mother as a scrapper, but I pity the fool... Yeah, it was amazing, but at the time and at 5 peeking out from the house, it was kind of bewildering and scary to me.

Zelda said...

A blog post hasn't made me laugh out loud in ages. That was wonderful.

Attila the Mom said...

OMG! Did you ever talk to your mom about it as an adult? How nutty!

phlegmfatale said...

zelda - thanks! Thought it was out-of-control and weird and scared me at the time, I wish I had a photo. If it had been a video, it would totally go viral. Catfight

attila - Yup - I put an update on the discussion on the May 18 post. Funny!