Saturday, February 19, 2011

Won't you take me to... skunky town?

Lots of folks from work were celebrating a promotion of one of our lot, and I caved in to peer pressure and went out to local waterin' hole "Hawgs & Heifers." Actually, it was nice to see the co-workers in a very relaxed and jolly setting, even if it wasn't my cup of tea. I abstained from the demon likker, as I have a wonky headlight thing going on and felt it more likely than usual to be pulled over. Still, this was good people-watching stuff and you really want to see that sober. My former boss was there and commented on my lack of drink and I said "if it came in a bottle, everyone would be this crazy." I promised to hold a co-worker's hair while she puked, but left well in advance of that event.

That line dancing is something else. There seem to be certain songs they're all just waiting for, and they trot out onto the dancefloor and do their little routine. Is kind of cute, and kind of baffling.

I got a coke, which was .75 with free refills. Sadly, the glass was teeny and full of ice, so I had to sashay a mile over to the bar a couple times and that's when I saw him. Remember Devo? A stare-bear geezer at the bar watched me walk by, and it kind of grossed me out. I mean, I looked quite possibly the worst I've ever looked in public. The only way I could have looked more crap would have been if I'd just been doing yard-work all day. Total. Crap.

He was the fascinating one, and I had to steal my peek discreetly, lest he think I was starin' back. He looked plastic like 80's Devo, only with Western Shirt and no-shit cowboy hat and pearly white framed ├╝berdork glasses. Surreal.
Anyway, me not love you long-time, but you're rocking that oddball look, dude. You should go with that. Lots of people spend a lot of dosh on booze and drugs that get them to my natural state. Nice work, if you can get it. Stay strange, baby.
I moseyed over to the bathroom and the bracing white fluourescent lights seared the back of my brain. How do drunk people go in here? Srsly. I soon appreciated that this room smelled not so much of smoke as of bleachy-cleany product, and I approved.

Back at the table, I waited a polite interval and then finally made my excuses and departed, eager to breathe in deeply out in the fresh night air. I pushed open the door and inhaled deeply only to get a schnozz full of Eau de Skunk. This is the skunkiest place I've ever seen. You rarely see them alive, but they litter the roadways, and their scent is everywhere.

Ah, the joys of Spring. Have a great weekend! By the way, don't you love my wonky art? Clearly I'm starved to make things. I really need to crank the jewelry machine back into production. Coming soon: Dysfunctional Greeting Card line.

I'm not kidding.


Jay G said...

Crack that whip!

Sarah said...

Dysfunctional greeting cards are the best kind.

Turk Turon said... saw Mark Mothersbaugh at Hawgs and Heifers?

Anonymous said...

thanks for this nice post 111213

Old NFO said...

Good one, sounds like ONE of those nights... :-)

NotClauswitz said...

Line dancing? Among adults?