Friday, December 18, 2009

In Which Our Heroine Lays It On A Little Thick...

Thursday my computer froze up at work. Fortunately, I was between calls, so I blocked more calls from coming in and called the IT department up in Ill-Annoys. The folks in IT are generally wit-deprived, so this sort of makes me stop and smell the roses whilst bending them to my will. Or whatever.

Hello, this is John, how are you?
I'm wonderful! My computer, on the other hand is hosed-up.
What seems to be the problem?
My mouse won't move. Nothing's happening.
Is the light on under the mouse?
Hit the windows button on the keyboard. What happens?
A little menu popped up on the lower left of the monitor.
Follow the cord of the mouse to the back of the computer.
Are you sure? I'm dressed fancy today and it's really dirty back there. Yuck.
*nervous chuckle from other end of phone*
I'm sending you my dry-cleaning bill.
*pulled cord out of port on back of cpu, then prugged in again*
Is it working yet?
Here's where I did my best Bill-Paxton-Texan accent: "It's a Christmas Miracle!"
*more nervous laughter*

The veal in the cube across from me said OMG! He'll think we're all hicks and rednecks down here!
I said "aren't we?"

If I'd been really thinking, I'd've said "stop yer grinnin' and drop yer linen!" but the Christmas miracle thing worked for the season, anyhoo. Every day is a good day to quote Bill Paxton.


Jon said...

That's the beauty of being from the South. The years of indoctrination by the television wizards has given some Northern folks the opinion we're all as dumb as a box of rocks. The belief can be nurtured by only turning up the drawl a few notches and uttering some front porch colloquial phrase.

I wonder if some of these people realize we're playing with their heads?

Don said...

You should have called IT and yelled, "Game over, man! Game over!"

Of course, your approach was much more effective...


Old NFO said...

Into every raincloud a little humor must fall :-)

Anonymous said...

Ahem. Speaking as one who has been on the other end of those calls, you done good. You gotta eliminate the obvious, before you move, if you like to avoid forehead-smacking.

Wit impaired? You might think. IT has its own humor, such as "Problem resolved: PEBKAC"

(Problem Existed Between Keyboard And Chair)

You were not PEBKAC.

Buck said...

The folks in IT are generally wit-deprived...

Heh. Anon got his licks in before me. Sustained and intense idiocy on the part of callers has been responsible for the early death or institutionalization of many a Help Desk person and other folks of the IT persuasion. Just sayin'. ;-)

phlegmfatale said...

Jon - I think they haven't the foggiest...

DW - I'm sticking the "game over! game over" in my quiver and will whip it out with the next hapless IT person I deal with...

Old NFO - I'm just spreading sunshine. hee.

Anonymous - actually, I'm prepared to own this being a PEBKAC situation. Next time I'll know to check for proper mouse function. Still, it was a nice respite from the usual phone calls I'm on all day.

Buck - Sorry - I should have clarified that the folks at IT in THIS particular company are generally wit-deprived. I found a couple who I found utterly charming, but in the main, they've sounded like bored, impatient automatons.