A little over a month ago I commenced on a battery of scary tests of the medical variety which will culminate (I hope) in a visit to the doctor on Thursday. I’m hoping for a clean bill of health, but a host of scary possibilities loom before me and to say I’m experiencing a bit of angst behind it all would be a supreme understatement. The last time I was in this particular doctor’s office was 3 weeks ago. As I was leaving, I stopped to pay and they said they’d bill me after my insurance company paid their part. Mind you, I’ve been going to this particular office for about 5 years, so it’s not as though I just wandered in off the street and might be expected to act in a louche way wherein my financial obligations are concerned.
Okay. Great. Fine. Whatever.
Today I was sitting in my office, trying to get things wrapped up to be away from the office for a whole day on Thursday and my cell phone rang. The caller identified herself as being from the doctor’s office and I expected her to say she was confirming the upcoming appointment, but no. It went more like this:
SHE: I was calling with regard to your outstanding bill of $7.83 and I wanted to ask when you expect to pay it.
ME: I haven’t received a bill yet, and of course I’ll pay it.
SHE: Great. Would you like to pay that now with a credit card?
ME: Um, I’m coming in for a procedure on Thursday—wouldn’t it be more convenient for you if I pay you then?
SHE You can do that if you want to, but I’ll be happy to take your credit card and you can pay it now.
ME: I can certainly give you that number if you like. I’d hate for your office to go broke behind my eight dollars between now and Thursday.
SHE: There is no need for sarcasm. I’m just doing my job.
Funny thing is their office has the word “harmony” in the title, and this full-frontal aggressive sort of bill-collection style seems more like dissonance to me. Maybe I’m overreacting, but my foot kind of twitches when someone calls to harass me about not having paid a bill they have not yet sent me, implying that I mean to run off to Mexico with their goods or something.
Are you shitting me?
Do me a favor: tell me if I have cancer and I’ll leave you a blank check, bitch, and you tell ME when I’m paying you. It’s your world: I’m just living in it.
Argh. I WILL be bringing this up to the manager of their office.