Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Housecleaning

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Oprah is Opium for the Mrs.

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Congress decided to burn the midnight oil because their carbon footprint is not large enough. I'd like to impress my own footprint on their collective behind.

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If you see a Chevy Cobalt with a curious appendage on the roof, those are eyes-on-stalks - the Google streetview crew may be about to take your pic. Be sure and look purty for the camera, and try not to be adjusting your brassiere or truss or swatting your snotty brats when they snap you. Remember, you and your thigh-chafing polyester houndstooth britches with the muffin-top and hair in rollers will be representing your community until the camera fleet rolls through town again. Or until they set up a permanent panoramic big brother at every corner.

goody goody gumdrops.

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19 comments:

Anonymous said...

You misunderestimate me. A

phlegmfatale said...

{THAT was fast!] No. I love you! Thanks for the giggle.

Lin said...

Phlegm, bring sis with you. We need to trash her TV set, tie her to a chair and have her listen to the sound of her own thoughts for a full week ... while we're out doin' the real fun stuff.

phlegmfatale said...

lin - WOOHOO! The funny thing is my sister is one of the busiest people I know. I doubt she actually sits to watch Oprah - prolly just has a tv on in every room and listens while she cleans.

FHB said...

Google Streetview? More blogger fodder. And everything you ever need to know about Oprah is expressed in the fact that she's on the cover of her own magazine every time. See me, feel me, touch me, heal meeeeee!

phlegmfatale said...

fhb - yup. they're watching, every so often.

Oprah? She always gets a replay and she never tilts at all.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I'll go one further - daytime television is the antichrist. I actually find the idea of watching tv during the day horribly depressing.

Damn those cameras! I'll be sucking in my gut constantly now.

Anonymous said...

Google is spying on us? I thought it was just our blogs!

Zelda said...

Congress is hilarious. Notice how they've stopped discussing Bush's approval ratings? It's because theirs' is at 14% - breaking their all-time low of 19% (also a Democrat controlled congress).

phlegmfatale said...

barbara - The talk shows and soap operas depress me, actually. It's so bizarre.
You know, just relax, and if you see a camera - show them one of your fingers.

lbb - They're not spying - they're helping us to SHARE ourselves.

HollyB said...

Google Cameras? Where? The BooGirl and I MUST be captured on Vid for EVERYONE'S viewing pleasure!

And O? I can't believe she is on in the Dallas market at her regular time and then again in the evening on a different channel for those poor souls who can't record! She truly is the biggest ego on the planet!

Anonymous said...

Yes, she and Dr. Phil both have HUGE ego's, the sons-a bitches.

Anonymous said...

If a housewife wants to watch Oprah she shouldn't be made to feel like a sheeple. Yes, TV is mostly(ok all) crap, but until you've cleaned, wiped butts, cleaned many dog accidents off the floor, done laundry for many, shopped for groceries praying there's enough in the bank to cover, push mowed a half acre of tall chigger infested grass, broke up many fights, and on and on discomfort, all done while the worry for their health, safty and future is everpresent,(I know some of you can relate), until then you need to consider how snotty it sounds to look down on people who might like to watch All My Children(the song and dance numbers are so funny I've hit rewind over and over to savor the cheese). I'm sure many people sit mindlessly drinking the kool-aid that is TV all day in front of their children(shudder), but these are probably the people who otherwise sit on the front porch all day swatting flys and kids. Let the big O's ego amuse me. TV doesn't ruin lives or America, laziness does. Now, I gotta go pickax the driveway... A

Anonymous said...

Congress is an embarrassment. As Will Rogers once said "The more you read and observe about this Politics thing you got to admit that each party is worse than the other."

phlegmfatale said...

Sorry - sis - didn't mean to offend. I thought you'd see it as lighthearted and funny, but I see I should have been more sensitive. I'm sorry I ever posted this.

Anonymous said...

No, don't worry bout it. I don't want anyone to think I might support Oprah just because I've watched some. I've also been know to watch America's Next Top Model and Search for the next Coyote Ugly(I have no shame, right) and right now I'm listening to George Strait's greatest hits. HEE HAW

Lin said...

Okay, I'll pile on the regret wagon here, too, sis of Phlegm. I am also a terrible tease, I admit it. Always gets me into trouble.

HollyB said...

A and LaP - I agree and disagree with both of y'all.
First, A : It never occurred to me, having been a stay-at-home-Mom myself at one time, that anyone would watch Oprah for the laughs. I guess your sense of humor/irony is more finely honed than mine is. I disagree with you that all the programming on TV is crap. There are some great shows on... The Closer [on TNT]; State of Mind [with Lily Taylor]; Eureka [on SciFi]; PainKiller Jane [again on SciFi]; Burn Notice [on USA]...why even HOLLY HUNTER is comin' to TV!!! So it's not ALL crap. My guily pleasure? The Law and Order franchise. Never met an L&O I didn't like. The Criminal Intent version is my fav followed by the original L&O, then SVU.
LaP- you're right in that Op is the opium of [most] Mrs. But I gotta disagree with any reality programming. I wouldn't want to watch a TV "game" show based on MY life, much less somebody else's. But that's just my opinion, it's worth what you paid for it.
Now, you "girls" Kiss and make up. Christmas will be here before you know it...and you want to be on Santa's "Nice" list, don't you?

NotClauswitz said...

Google has street-view pictures of my newer truck parked under a tree, and on the overhead satellite zoom-in the old blue truck that preceded it.