Monday, June 12, 2006

Heavens, I'm tasty and expeditious!

I received an anonymous comment from someone that they didn't want to be posted - no ideer who you are, but I love you back anyway - and they said nice things about my blog including the above compliment cobbled from a Prairie Home Companion schtick. That movie looks funny, actually, and I'll prolly go see it too. I'm still wanting to see "The Notorious Bettie Page." Sacrilege! It's a world gone amok when I can't find time to fit in a movie, dammit.

As Tickersoid so rightly stated, poo is always a safe bet for a provocative post. It's funny how such a foul subject can remain so perennially fresh. Perhaps it is the unfolding onion peelings of horrors that unfurl when one is confronted by a 3-dimensional wall of stink.

The Mavericks won game 2 of the playoffs, and I'm thinking they're going to win the whole shebang. No sports fan I, husband 'bout dropped his transmission tonight when he got home to see me watching the game. In years past at the mention of NBA playoffs, I would have genteely said "I don't know. I'm just not a baseball fan." This had the twin jets of revelation which let the listener know that A) I don't like their particular team, and B) I don't particularly like any team who plays any sport in general. It saves time, actually, lets people know we're just not EVAH going to be on the same page.

However, NBA playoffs is sorta a big deal, and there is a lovely everyman quality to the players of the Dallas Mavs. There's a restaurant I've been going to since about 2000 where I started seeing this unusually tall man, blond hair. He looked like a regular guy, and was always with other decidedly regular (if shorter) guys. It was really funny to me when I found out that guy was a pro ball player- Dirk Nowitzki - and apparently didn't go in for the star/entourage/v.i.p. bullshit. Apparently the others on the team are equally unpretentious, and tv interviews show them scrambling to give team mates credit and hail the group effort rather than getting high on their own armpit vapors.

So, obviously there's been lots of buzz about the Mavs, and I work in the Downtownish-area not too far from the arena, so it's natural the subject would come up again and again. Don't think of me as a newly hatched sports fan - that ain't gonna happen - but the Mavericks and their home-spun and true-love ways have definitely won me over.

The new season of Deadwood started tonight, and though she had very little screen time, I was reminded of one of the most endearing aspects of the show:
Calamity Jane. She's a pitiful sot, really, but a good soul. She is such a hard-knocks character that you feel sorry because obviously not one thing has gone right for her, and she's just got to make her way in a very hostile world. "Every day you have to figure out how to live all over again," she said on tonight's episode. One character asks her to tell the story about her experience as a scout for Custer, and she says something like "Custer was a selfish bastard. THE END!"

Jane is a gritty woman who hasn't resorted to prostitution in an age when career options were mightily limited. I love the way CJ is written, and the long-dark-teatime-of-the-soul of the actress' portrayal is heart-achingly compelling. So if you have the urge, indulge yourself by flipping over to Deadwood at 8pm Sundays. You'll go for the human debris and mud-caked environs, but you'll want to stay for Jane.


Dick said...

It's looking like it's going to be over in four games.
Go Mav's!!!!

chuck said...

If, like Calamity Jane, you are in a "long-dark-teatime-of-the-soul" does a dollop of cream and a spoonful of sugar turn the occasion into a party?

phlegmfatale said...

nongirlfriend - Yeah, it's infectious - like chlamydia in a massage parlor!

dick - It's kind of embarrassing to whup someone as badly as last night - I hate seeing big healthy critters looking like whipped pups, actually, so I may probably won't be watching in general in the future...

chuck - Maybe not a party, but the cream and sugar would definitely help the medicine go down.

Anonymous said...

Ms. Fatale, (That sounds so italienne, don't you think?)
I have a personal hang up over any poo/crap shtick so I didn't go there; but I do admire your writing.
Excuse my denseness, but I assume that the happy ending little extra provided by the massage therapy tenants was not transferred by way of the usual "manual happy ending service" since clamydia was transfered; which means that either oral or vaginal transmission took place. Since most working girls insist on the wearing of the love glove to prohibit aids/herpes/ when their own pudenda are at stake, then the obvious infection must be due to ORAL transmission. ...eeeew. (You kiss yer mamma wid dat mouf?) Which goes to show that people are still ignorant of the STDs that can thrive in the mouth and throat. ("But I gargled afterwards?!!! WTF!")
I once knew a girl who knew her boyfriend had cheated on her after she began to notice malodorous waftage from her newly itchy loins. After medically confirming it was indeed a case of "clam", she screamed at her roving beau for giving her a case of "rotten twat". (which, incidently, can be substituted lyrically for that country chestnut "Pop a Top, Again".)
Does your company lease to businesses or just to residential tenants? I'd love to know how this incident eventually became the vice squads' domain. I'm assuming that the -er- "victim" approached the proprietor and asked for a little remuneration once he discovered he'd recieved a gift that keeps on giving; and that since a refund, plus a little interest, was probably not forthcoming (and the BBB wasn't an option), then complaints were filed where attention would be paid. Nice.
I guess we'll never know the full story, too bad... Perhaps you can fill in the blanks later (diplomatically, of course, allowing for this litigious preoccupation we Americans have).
GO Mavs! -Anon (you can call me Al)

phlegmfatale said...

anonymous - si! si! I hope the poo thing hasn't been TOO torturous for you, hon.
I'm guessing it would be impossible to transfer "clam" (as you so lovingly dubbed it) simply manually. The implications are ALL disgusting, aren't they? STDs - what a scary world to be a whore in, eh? "Pop a Top Again" will never be the same for me. Thanks for giving me something to giggle at again and again.
We lease to both, but are primarily residential. I'll say we're located on some of the hottest-developing real estate in Dallas, and our rents have recently jumped from about $1.10 sf to $1.35, if that tells you anything.

3 weeks ago Crimestoppers received an anonymous tip from someone who claimed to have contracted the clam from a massage person at that location. Vice came in on Friday and had a massage, was offered the happy ending, and arrested the woman. No, we won't know the full story, but read my blog for the update I just posted, and watch this space tomorrow to see if I still have a job - I may quit over this.
GO Mavs. Thanks for your witty post, Al! Come back anytime. No happy endings, but hopefully I can elicit a smile, nonetheless.