Thursday, June 29, 2006

Say it, don't spray it.

I HAVE a fabulous photo of my retainer on my Canon Rebel XT that I spent like a million dollars on, and for some reason my computer suddenly won't pull the images from the camera. I wish I knew someone who knew something about computers so they would help me with this. I'm having this sort of issue quite a lot, lately. Something was working fine on my computer and then little elves came along in daylight (obviously daylight - I'm here half the night!) and body-snatched computer components. Obviously I need to run out and charge a new computer. Dude, I'm getting a Dell.

ANYway. I was going to show you a picture of my bottom retainer, which is sort of an orangey-pink sparkle resin with a little pink and white bunny sticker embedded. It is super-cute. My upper retainer is teal glitter resin with teeny penguin and weenie-dog stickers.

Everyone at my orthodontist's office acted amazed that I wanted the colored wire for my braces - but frankly - if I'm going to be mush-mouthed and sound like a 'tard for months or years, I'd like it to be obvious to others WHY my diction is so, um, moist. I followed suit and requested funky resins for my 'tainers, and why the heck not? No use prevaricating about the bush-- if they actually succeeded in making the resin look natural, well, then your mouth would look deformed inside, wouldn't it? Anyway, the colors were fun and a nice change of pace.

Went today for my two month anniversary checkup since getting my braces off. Ortho takes himself very seriously, and though he seems affable and is a little chatty while he's glomming his mitts all about my piehole, all his assistants stand mute and never participate in the conversation. It's really weird, because with wires and crap sticking out, the guy ends up monologuing. There's been a lot of turnover in assistants, too. I got my braces exactly 23 months ago, and not a single assistant from that date still works for him. I wonder what is up with that? I have a theory...

Anyway, I walked in today and noticed something different and knew it must be his gun-metal gray hair, which was longer and a little bit less buttoned-down than before.
Knowing how seriously he takes himself, I looked for an occasion to rattle his cage. I asked if he changed his hair, and he said he thought he'd let it get a little longer for a change.

As I was leaving, he told me that in 3 months when I come back, he'll instruct me to just wear the retainer for sleeping. YAY! I celebrated by breezing by him and said, "Thanks! See ya then, Hippie!"

Speaking of Glitter - did anyone see that abortion of a movie by the same name starring Mariah Carey? Unbelievably shitty - it's almost worth checking out just to see the unfolding panorama of trite hackneyed dialogue and of course, there is also much enjoyment to be made of Mariah's cringeworthy acting. If you're like me, you'll utter the next line before she does. She's in an abusive relationship and keeps going back to it, and instead of anything realistic happening, he gets bumped off by some gangsta-types on the threshhold of her international stardom, saving the producers the trouble of resolving the sticky wicket of domestic violence. This is sort of a rilly embarrassing knock-off of A Star Is Born (see the 40s original - brilliant film, that.) That was handy, because it saved the filmmakers from having to resolve an ugly scenario that involves a Svengali-type mentor/dominator whose prodigy quickly outgrows him.

Also, check out the best Eric Roberts film Star 80. Tragic story, true, but very well realized in this film. Chilling, actually.

Sorry for any typos/spelling errors, but I'm 'bout near crosseyed, and I'm going to bed. See youse around the blog.


Dick said...

You can use a card reader if you want. About twenty bucks down at wally world.
Pull the memory card, stuff it into the reader and it does the same job.
Glad I went through the braces thing when I was a kid.

Heather B said...

Ugh I hate computer issues too, thankfully I have a whole array of nerd friends that can help me.

One even wears a t-shirt (often) that says, "NO, I will not fix your computer."

phlegmfatale said...

dick - bizarrely, I left the camera hooked up to the USB cable, and it got its lazy ass in gear and worked. I'm making a mental note of the card reader, though, for future reference. Lots of life's unpleasantness is best dealt with in youth, but considering how difficult braces are,I'm convinced that lots of kids end up wearing them longer because of improper care, so maybe it's briefer this way. Less than 2 years for me, and it didn't seem very long.

heather b - actually - I'm the shoemaker's daughter - my husband is a software designer. Oh, and HIS laptop is hot shit. I was hoping that he might read my blog occasionally and step up to the plate, but I've decided he doesn't read anymore.