Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Here at the Phlegm Propulsion Laboratory™, we're working round-the-clock to keep you up to snuff on the very finest goods and services to be had in our modern age. We often are approached on the street and asked "why do you do it, Phlegmmy?" We shrug our demure shoulders, smile and say "because we care."


We're giving until it hurts here.

And it's all for you baby.

And it's just that good.

Anyhoo, we poke about the cobwebby, dank, spooky, anarobic corners of the internet, risking nightmares and nasty infection, and all of this to insure that you--our gentle reader, and I mean you personally-- don't miss out on anything that may change your life for the better.

To that end, may we suggest:

Oh, sure, you want your teeth to be clean and free of placque, but without the nuisance of fresh, minty breath which might give the ladies the wrong ideer about your kissability. I mean, you really do give a rat's rear end about your teeth and gums being leading indicators of health and whatnot, but go around with fresh breath and some wild city woman may try and kiss you, and then where would you be?

Well, I'll tell you where you'd be: you'd be all luvved up in a web of cross-eyed gossamer bliss the likes of which would stagger the appetites of Casanova, Don Juan and Bill Clinton combined, but that's beside the point, because you don't want that because then you might be happy for five minutes and then what would you have to complain about?

Anyhoo, Bacon Floss. Keeping America beautiful.

If you're not ready to go whole-hog on the bacon breath end of the spectrum, there's the half-measure of bacon and mint flavored breath mints.

Each one of these mints tastes like a delicious slice of crispy bacon with just a hint of mint flavor to give it that extra punch!

Go buy some. You know you want to.
And we're here to enable you.

It's what we do.

Love ya!

Mean it!


Rabbit said...

I've got their catalogue if you want to peruse a copy. I'll make sure it's on the coffee table next time you're over.


Christina RN LMT said...

Bacon-flavored toothpaste, perhaps?


Meg said...

Where do you.....

Anonymous said...

Not for me, sorry.

I bet these would be a hit at a brunch.

JPG said...

Lainy - -
Now, THAT'S an idea. A huge brunch at that place in Lee's Summit -- I'm totally stuffed with crunchy bacon and pancakes and crispy bacon and cinnamon rolls and crumbly bacon and coffee and more bacon - - - So much I can't hold another bite - - I could top it off with an Uncle Oinker's mint and then repair to the restroom for a tasty bacon flossing. Perfect end to a great morning.

Hey, thanks, Phlegmmy.

Anonymous said...

And then there's Bacon Salt. Supposedly kosher for our pork challenged friends.


phlegmfatale said...

rabbit - that's my kind of shopping!

christina - why not?

meg - all the best sorts of places

lainy - with a bacon chaser. Why not?

jpg - you're making me hungry just thinking about it. *drool*
Aw, don't thank me: it's what I do.

myron - wow! Who knew?!!! Nifty!

Joe said...

mmmmmmm bacon drool