Thursday, May 21, 2009

Like school in the summer: no class!

That's my favorite Fat Albert quote, in case you were wondering.

I don't know if I've mentioned lately but I don't watch tv and only just recently acquired a small one which I might actually plug in one of these days, except it's not HD and, oh, heck. Whatever.
I've been pretty busy of late and on the odd moments I do stop to sit down, well, I'll be honest-- I do my blog update just before bed every night and set it up to post at one minute after midnight. I'm usually arrayed pretty comfortably in cotton pajama pants and a camisole top. I know-- not sexy, but there it is. Anyhoo, yeah, it's a casual affair by the time I'm sitting at the computer. This casual habit has lived to bite your humble narrator on the butt.

I'm in my third of about a dozen weeks of training at the new job. If I should stay with this company, I'd like to promote quickly, and to that end, I dress nicely on a daily basis and am meticulous about communications, punctuality, and all that sort of thing. Yes, I'm dressed nicely whereas a lot of folks there are barely out of their own pajamas. This prim and proper thing is all very well, but one hates to go overboard.

I had an horrifyingly embarrassing incident on Wednesday which actually wrapped plumb back around to stunned bewilderment. In my defense, I still have been feeling sicky, and I think perhaps I am a little too comfortable sitting at a computer for professional purposes. In the afternoon, I and the other 6 folks in the room were sitting at computers, each working silently on various tasks. In one of the most surreal moments of my life, I found myself sitting at my computer and suddenly realizing I had belched quite loudly. (I know! Who knew I could belch? I certainly didn't! ;) It probably will never happen again.)

This was a 4.0 magnitude belch, my dears. This belch had its own zip code. This belch could run a paper route. I sat amazed as I heard the echoes report around the room. I thought to myself "did I just do that? No. Surely not." Just in case though, I quietly said "excuse me."

That's when the room erupted. The instructor yelled out "good LORD, Rita! Was that you? Do you need some rolaids or sumpin?" Oh, the humanity. I'm never going to hear the end of this.

You can dress me up, but you can't take me anywhere. I'm classy that way.

27 comments:

kvegas911 said...

ROFLMAO!!!! Don't worry, you should be in here with us!

Thud said...

I'm sure it was ladylike...even in it's volume.

Lawyer said...

Ha! Wow...that's one way to get noticed!

Jay G said...

That's the Rita we all know and love! :)

Tolewyn said...

Never you fear dear-heart. Having lived here for as long as I have I can honestly say that you now hold the enviable position of "The Person No One Will Challenge to a Belching Contest!" Around these parts that is a badge of honor.

Alan said...

You ARE classy. :)

chuckr44 said...

Hilarious.

HollyB said...

Oh, puhleeze. In those parts belching is probably the least offensive bodily function noise. I mean, you COULD have passed gas audibly.
OR, you could sneeze loudly enough to shake the walls, like me.

steff66 said...

LMAO!!!

Vinogirl said...

Love it!

Anonymous said...

I have a sneeze that would challenge Pavarotti's lung capacity. I mean, like, if I'm standing and sneeze, I wind up three feet behind myself.
In consequence of having chemical allergies and the habit of the +9 janatorial doofus pouring the entire contents of the 'climate control rejuvenator' jug into said climate control system, and since I can't hold my breath for two hours, I take a seat midway and on the aisle in any hall.
This is in preparation for running for the door the instant I get a sneeze tickle.
This has served me in good stead ever since I created a considerable pause in the Teatro dell'Opera di Roma during a performance of Aida.
LawMom

OrangeNeckInNY said...

You RAWK!!!! Any girl who is not afraid to belch is aces in my book.

Miz Minka said...

Hee hee hee hee hee!!!

That was the funniest description of a burp I've ever read.

Assrot said...

At least you didn't fart.

:-)

Joe

Rabbit said...

I can categorically state without hesitation that you'd have tough competition around my household from other members.

Regards,
Rabbit.

Lin said...

Like I told the guy who didn't see me in the aisle of the farm supply store when he belched "That's okay, dear, at least you didn't fart." He started to giggle and then followed me around the store for the rest of my shopping trip. It occurred to me later that he might have been trying to work up the latter kind of gas expression for my further amusement.

Dock said...

I'll have you know that Blackfork instructed me, via phone, to read this post. Excellent!

Zelda said...

That is absolutely hilarious! I have the uncomfortable feeling that I do that frequently and just don't notice. Farting too. God I hope not.

Jon said...

So,that explains the seismic anomaly. Most people thought it was an earthquake or explosion. One scientist feared a renewal of underground nuclear testing.

I think I'll sleep better tonight.

Thanks.

Somerled said...

You're human, well mannered and classy. And your plumbing works the same as the rest of humanity. :)

Sgt.Fathead said...

I think it was Russell who told Fat Albert that he was like school on Saturday!

Everyone expels gases from both the attic and the basement and with good reason; were we unable to vent, we could very well explode.

Christina LMT said...

Phlegmmy, you are and will always be a class act. And being able to belch loudly is an art form, you know!

Anonymous said...

Funny stuff! My daughter is quite proud of her ability but usually reserves em to gross her mom out. I give her a high 5 if it is a particularly good one.

ben

rickn8or said...

My dental tech told me that her water broke during church service.

She said since then, the needle on her Embarrassment-o-meter has barely moved.

Ranger Tom said...

I knew there was somthing I really liked about you!

Old NFO said...

OOPS... That is too funny :-) At least you didn't spit your false teeth on the instructor's desk arguing a point (Happened to a friend of mine in a military class). He STILL hasn't lived that one down!

Anonymous said...

Somehow... I am reminded of being a kid in the car with you driving and mom as passenger and you yell out at some other driver "MOTHERFA", and catch yo' self right there. Don't ya hate it when that happens. heheh
BFV Saucy