Friday, May 30, 2008

Who the hell is writing copy at the Dallas Morning Snooze these days? Check out this headline:

Naked mom argues with son, accidentally shoots finger

Um, SO, she flipped her son off.? This is Texas, which has tremendous subset overlappage with Greater Redneckia. Who among us has not pissed off their own naked mother, resulting in said nude dam flipping the bird at us? What? No?

From the article:

A 73-year-old Fort Worth woman shot her finger after arguing with her son because she had been walking around the house naked, police said.

I mean, after arguing with her son about her nudity, are we to believe she shot her own finger in a fit of pique? Was she aiming at him? I mean, you almost could assume that she shot her own finger intentionally. I like my version of events in which she just flipped the guy off.

Apparently, the woman was walking nude around her own damned house at 1:30 AM, and her 53 year old son was outraged and took issue with her nudity. Here's what I think about that-- I think that any soul to reach the august age of 73 has the right to walk nude through their own home at 1:30 AM. If he doesn't like it, her 53 year old son can tear his ass on out of there and get his own dad-burned apartment, oui? Si.

But shooting her own finger?
Maybe there should be a four-rules rule of nudity. Let's compose one, shall we:

  • All nudity is loaded with irony, always
  • Never aim your nudity at someone with whom you wish to remain on friendly terms
  • Keep your hands off clothing fasteners until you're ready to un-deploy them
  • Always be sure of your intended nudity recipient/victim, and their respective posses

    h/t to g bro


Joe said...

Tou ignore the real question -- where was she, uh, concealing the weapon? If she was wearing a holster, is that still considered nude?

Ann diPomazio said...


I second your four-rules of nudity-always.

SpeakerTweaker said...

Ah, the ever-elegant Miss Phlegmmy. It's good to be back from vacation when I can read headlines like these.

THAT was some funny.


phlegmfatale said...

hoosierboy - Shudder to think...

rocketgirl - Thank you, darling!

speakertweaker - Glad you enjoyed!

none said...

I wonder what she was doing with a gun at 1:30am... people are weird.

aepilot_jim said...

See, now that's just funny right there.

Buck said...

OMG... the other, "hidden" story lines boggle the mind of someone who tends to see perversity everywhere.

But: I agree that a 53 year old man should danged well have his own living space. The only possible exception is if the son is a full-time caregiver to an invalid mother. That doesn't seem to be the case here. Like I said: perversity. Everywhere.

phlegmfatale said...

hammer - weirder and weirder

aepilot_jim - I thought so!

buck - yes, pervy. You have to wonder about some folk...

Assrot said...

I'd say a 73 year old woman or man for that matter has plenty of "bags" to hide a gun in even when they are nude.

The thought of a naked 73 year old just made me almost hurl chunks. Too much info Phlegme.

Anybody that is 53 years old and still living with mommy has more problems than her walking around nude in her own house.

I wonder if she was wearing some nice shoes and strutting or just sleep walking.



Lin said...

That's why it's better to use the sites on the gun (even if they are harder to see) than trying to use your finger to line-up a good buttock shot.

staghounds said...

"My trailer, my rules!"