Thursday, June 24, 2010

"Stop Falling! Stop Falling! You don't wanna crawl anymore...

you left your face and your hands on the concourse..."



Well, it was bound to happen. Lady Gaga has fallen off her shoes in the airport in London.



Mind you, for me there was also the question of a leather train of considerable length, and there was also the matter of trailing chains which may or may not have been attached to the train or to the not-pedestrian-friendly boots from Noritaka Tatehana, a footwear designer LG favors.



Although they look a hazard, I do on some level admire the heel-less wonders she's been trotting about in as she's appeared in recent weeks, like this pair to the right. I'm sure that like myself, Ms. Gaga has probably heard cruel invective such as impossible, ridiculous and torturous with relation to her shoes all her life. On some level, she obviously enjoys it. If I had her budget and her obvious ease of social schedule and lack of an 8-5, I'd probably be sporting some of these puppies my ownself, if only for the sheer novelty. I'd probably be pretty sparing with where I'd choose to wear them, however.



The getup in the aeropuerto was a smidge on the too-much side. In airports, you have to walk absolute miles, darling. Donning fetish gear may be iffy, but wearing something which by nature is nigh impossible to stride in effectively virtually guarantees this type of occurrence, and one which will yield a look-at-me factor of a different variety than one might desire.



If you wear ridiculous shoes, one day-- sooner or later-- you will wipe out, generally in public, and to huge and embarrassing effect. I did have this marvelous pair of Robert Clergerie lace-up oxfords with a very *ahem* severe chunk heel, and I fell flat in them on my uni campus once, and then a few months later I fell in them in front of a store. That was so ossum. *blush* You do that thing where you look back as if you tripped on something, but deep inside you know it was either A) you or B)your shoes or C) some lethal combination of both. Fortunately, camera phones were not available and I was a mere nobody on some unremarkable day going about my own tasks only I would remember. Still, I recognized that for some reason, despite all the heels, wedges, creepers, Frankenhooker shoes I've ever owned and successfully navigated the planet whilst donning, that one particular pair was a hazard when combined with something about my stride or foot or something. I continued to wear them, but only on occasions of minimal walking, and I always stepped carefully thereafter.

She is tremendously talented. I sometimes think Lady Gaga is a test-tube clone-thing of Madonna with a genuinely good voice and some mad piano skills spliced in. She's talented enough to really carry a music career without the gimmickry, but I suppose going out there stripped down to mere-human stature to make her music might be a lot more intimidating than trying to dazzle with outrageousness. I just think that some of the things she wears are damned unflattering. I'm not happy she fell. I suppose I'm a little disappointed for her... ...or maybe it makes her more real than anything she's done on stage. It's a curiosity.

Honorable mention to the assistant with those cute black and white wing-tips. Also the lackey guy with the mini Tin-Tin flip-- are they still doing that?

...speaking of Fashion Victimry-- anyone beside me remember 6 or 7 years ago when Chlöe Sevigny fell off her 8" Balenciaga boots and broke out her eye teeth? There were only a handful of these boots made, they were ghastly-expensive (about $3000, I think?), and mere days after her fall, a pair of them appeared on ebay to much speculation amongst the footwear savvy crowd...

10 comments:

Old NFO said...

Well, speaking from the male side, some of the "footwear" y'all choose to wear makes for interesting watching while you attempt to walk... And numerous side bets as to when you will fall... Just sayin... :-)

Joanna said...

I have trick ankles, and I find myself more stable in a spike than in a square or wedge heel. The smaller the surface area, the more I have to pay attention. Full platforms are right out. I'm much more likely to catch the edge of a wide heel or sole and go down, which I think (judging from the photos) is what happened to GaGa.

Jon said...

The article explained Lady Gaga doesn't even hydrate during a performance, so she can focus on the fantasy of the music.

Definitely a fantasy that will lead to the reality of a walker and dialysis. Old age won't be kind, but maybe that's why she's so self-destructive. "Go out with a bang", and all of that garbage. Might as well suck on a tail pipe.

Matt G said...

Of all the time to give myself excess leg length, I don't think that an airplane ride would be one of them. And what of the shoe-removal check? What? They don't have TSA or the like at Heathrow?

Crucis said...

Platform shoes were very popular a few decades ago. I drove an ambulance for a university health center for a short while. We called those shoes, ankle-busters for obvious reasons.

Shannon said...

I know image is important, but sometimes practicality needs to take over - her choices were just a bit too over the top for travel purposes indeed.

Nancy R. said...

Best post title ever.

Arthur said...

I have to google fewer terms when reading one of Ambulance Driver's more esoteric EMS posts than I do reading your hard core fashion posts.

e.g. "WTF is a chunk heel?"

Mike W. said...

As probably one of the few men who's had to endure a bunionectomy I just can't understand why you women wear these things....

Borepatch said...

Gosh! I hope she didn't have a negligent discharge from her brassiere.