Saturday, July 15, 2006

this is an audio post - click to play


DogMa said...


I listened to the whole thing, it was funny! Sorta Fuhgd Uhp!

Anonymous said...

Don't remove it, pretty please? I also listened to the whole thing and chuckled more than once.

phlegmfatale said...

dogma - TOTALLY! I think I didn't mention after the news expose "Mary" was re-hired with all back pay, and then literally had carte blanche. If you want to get fired from the Postal Service, you practically would have to drop trou and urinate on the mail. And even then, I'm sure with a doctor's note you could wriggle your way out of a termination. Oh, stealing - they do fire people permanently for stealing, but that's about it. Meanwhile, small-minded supervisors who are dumber than taters make free to lord it over the hapless clerks, playing mind-games for which they are so ill-equipped. Whenever there is a postal shooting I am not surprised - what surprises me is that there aren't more people who snap in that bullshit system that rewards incompetence and punishes the conscientious who are carrying the load for everyone. I quit in 1994. Frankly, I'm amazed they are still in business.

phlegmfatale said...

james - awwwww, since you ask so nicely... But were you laughing WITH me or AT me? Doesn't matter - I'm glad you liked it. It was very spur of the moment and I suppose I should have written out a list of notes so I wouldn't seem like such a rambling dingbat. No doubt, I come off better in writing than in voice. Then again, those rabbit-chasing excursions are where the magic happens, no?

Z said...

I loved your audio post. That was such a cute story. I feel like doing an audio post now.

I am finally back blogging now btw.

phlegmfatale said...

YAY! I'm glad you're back, turboslut. I was wondering about you! Glad you liked the post.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

That was wonderful! OF COURSE it was a great story - you have a million of them - but I loved hearing your voice. You are so articulate and you enunciate beautifully, as I assumed you would, because you care about language and words. Thanks!

Anonymous said...

Too funny! Having quit the Pit of Vipers three times, I do enjoy an occasional exposté. BTW, congrats on making the first quit stick!

Anonymous said...

Don't worry, I was laughing with you. And since I'm the king of digressions, I can't fault you for rambling. In fact, it was rather charming.

Your voice post brings to mind something I've wondered for a while, though: What do you sing? In reading the archives, I've never noticed you specifying whether you're a soprano or a mezzo, and I'm curious. I never used to wonder about such things, but my darling bride is a mezzo, and listening to her sing has caused me to be interested in others' voices.

:P fuzzbox said...

Excellent audio post. Love the accent. It is slight but it is there.

Dick said...

What accent?
Great, classic sounds kiddo!

phlegmfatale said...

barbara - you are terribly kind, and I am glad you enjoyed me stepping out on a limb like this. I was really nervous, actually. It's funny, I can sing in front of hundreds of people without a twitch, but this was something else.

jess - exposté - that's funny, and totally apropos. Congrats to you for having the sublime pleasure of walking out of the post office for the "last time" three times. Ah, bliss!

james - I'm glad you enjoyed it. Your words - all of you, actually- make me feel better about having posted this.

fuzzbox - glad you enjoyed it, accent and all!

dick - I KNOW. I didn't hear an accent - everyone sounds like me. Glad you liked it!

phlegmfatale said...

Oh, JAMES - I forgot to tell you, before I quit training, my voice seemed to be settling nicely into the Dramatic Coloratura Soprano fach, which is a rare voice type. Very Mozartean robo-soprano - the tattoo needle of operatic voices - roles include Mozart's Constanze from The Abduction from the Seraglio and Queen of the Night from The Magic Flute.

Tickersoid said...

I never thought someone from Dallas could talk so quickly. Loved the post, brilliant, and am wondering how I could do the same thing. I have a few storied that would only work in audio.

phlegmfatale said...

tickersoid - What can I say? My mouth was in gear and headin' for the barn. I did mine on - I don't know if you could do it without an overseas phone call, but then again. Check it out - I'd love to hear a post from you.

CP said...

Mary the deaf mute checkbook balancer? *ROFLMAO*

At least you can talk behind her back...and she can't answer you.

See you in hell! Dress lightly! It's hot there! *snorts*

You used deplorable, conduit and digress all in one audiopost. You scored well on your SAT's didn't you. *L*

*still listening*

Lo and's MARY!

Bunny teeth floorward.


That's HYSTERICAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Anonymous said...

Do not Even remove this. Or do it already; I've saved a copy and it goes just marvelously with the new Roger Eno thing I found today.


fear, uncertainty and doubt

It's an official IBM marketing acronym.

Anonymous said...

Dramatic Coloratura Soprano, hm? See, I almost know what that means, which is a big step up for me. I asked my bride which fach she would admit to, and she replied that she's mostly a Dramatic Mezzo, but she can sing coloratura and lyric.

I was also struck by how quickly you were speaking, because it reminded me of how I sound when I'm nervous.

starbender said...

Can U send me the link 2 the audio posts???
I had it befor my computer crashed...
now, I can't find it anywhere..

Kelly said...

I didn't hear any accent...and I'm a Yank.

You know, one of the first things I may say to you when we meet up is "Dis place id fuuudddd up!"

Thomas J Wolfenden said...

Funny, you don't sound like you're from Texas... You sound like you're from Orange County Kalifornia...

phlegmfatale said...

cp - she was obviously very regimented about spending her un-earned lucre, that bitch! That bunny-teeth floorward thing was one of those glistening droplets that just came blurting out - funny how I'd never thought of that in the 16 or so years I've been resenting that bitch. NOT that I carry a grudge or anything. I must say that I did enjoy the irony that nothing on earth could enable that heifer to hear my audio post dissing her sorry ass. SOOOO glad you enjoyed it!

nein - I love the shit out of Eno. I'm currently digging on the Rain Tree Crow which has Mick Karn, Ryuichi Sakamoto and David Sylvian - glory be! I also love the shit out of your site - I'm besotted with that image of the tutu and the railroad tracks. Glad you liked my audio post, even if it was in an unflattering way!

james - I think I said I was nervous - not quite nervous, just more anxious and excitable. Sometimes my brain is working way faster than my mouth can go and bits can get garbled when traveling between the poles. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

starbender - there is one audio post - and it's on the Saturday post - be patient - it seems to take forever to materialize. I tried it a bit ago and it's still working, if you just wait for it.

o.g. - wow - would I have posted that if I'd known "fuh'd up" would be how you'd always think of me in future? Definitely. I hope you got a giggle out of it.

ranger tom - Well, I'm from Arkansas, actually, moved here in mid-teens. Me, a valley girl? Fair enough. Keep in mind it's a carefully-crafted disguise to triangulate your attention away from my true nefarious purposes, being as I am a Hillbilly Pirate Vampire. ROWR!

Tam said...

[Insert big girly squeal.]

Omigawd, that was great!

I felt like I was getting that in first-person-narrative over coffee someplace. :)

(How sad is it that work has so destroyed my social life that the closest thing I have to hanging out with friends now is playing audio clips of my imaginary interw3b buds at 11:00 at night?)

phlegmfatale said...

tam - golly, I'm so thrilled you liked it. I dunno, I'm not one to judge what's sad - except that we haven't been dancing in bikinis on Jerry Springer so I think we're doing alright. But work is one of those cyclical things where sometimes it's too demanding and intense and other times the load is pretty light, at least for me, and so the variety makes it more interesting and bearable. Plus, you've still got your beer, your books, and your beloved pet, and methinks that's all a girl really needs. Oh, and the internet - but that comes under "reading," right?

phlegmfatale said...

Oh, nein - is the "roger eno" thing you referred to the collaboration of David Byrne/Brian Eno that came out recently???

Anonymous said...

No, that's just the old my life in the ghosts shit. It does have some new tracks (delight)

This is Brian's brother, Roger.

It's called swimming. Since I am at this moment in time I wonder if he's responsible for it all.

You have to wonder, I guess.

Whatever, babies.

Oh hell, I have to take this test again. Dammit.

wow, it's euwssfat

I'm not fat, and


phlegmfatale said...

nein - wow - cool, I'll check that out. I didn't know Brian had a brother, let alone a musically inclined brother. For some reason, ambient artists always seem like they should be an only child to me. Today I almost bought the Eno/Byrne collaboration - it sounds coolish, but there were several other cds on my lusty list before it. I'll dig up roger eno and listen on amazon or somesuch. Funny you bring up swimming, I've been in the pool dozens of times this summer, but just started swimming laps tonight. Ugh.

Anonymous said...

Okay, let's see if I can pass the god damn eye test tonight.

You apparently are not familiar with Aphex Twin, sugar booger.

It's in the dance/trance section.

Trust me on this one.

Now for the goddam test.

phlegmfatale said...

nein - eye test? Oh, reading? Is my type too small? Nein, on the Aphex Twin question - heard them, don't have any, unless they are on some compilation/mix cds I have. Good luck on the test.