Friday, May 12, 2006


This is my new plant Porterweed. Pretty foliage with long peppery spikes with brilliant indigo blossoms. Attracts butterflies.

I had dinner with mom and dad last night, and that was a treat, as always. They're so clever that there's always lots of laughter at the table with them. We were laughing at the gritty country truisms they plied my siblings and me with when we were growing up. One particularly fertile one was "if you play with chickenshit, you'll smell like it." Sort of a down-home twist on the pearls-before-swine thingie.

Not only have mom and dad trotted out the old farm-isms for our benefit, they are equally adept at coining new golden chestnuts that are ever in use in the family vernacular. My personal favorite was one I never told my siblings or mother until relatively recently, but it made a tremendous impression on me at the time and I've never forgotten it. I was about 3 and we lived in Memphis or Mississippi, and dad saw me sucking on a penny. I know. Gross. Dad said "Phlegmmy! Get that out of your mouth! You don't know who's been scratching their hind-end with that!" I know. It's dazzling, isn't it? I removed that penny forthwith.


Incidentally, I've never sucked another penny.


Speaking of, does anyone besides me remember The Upright Citizen's Brigade and the Ass Pennies sketch? Classic!

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

the plant looks gorgeous!

Thomas J Wolfenden said...

A good motovational phrase to tell a 3 year old!

phlegmfatale said...

chas ravndal - everything is looking really lush and blooming already. More pictures to come.

ranger tom - Like I said, mission accomplished. No more penny sucking for me.

Ms. M said...

Love the beoootiful plant! I may have to go get one!

Penny sucking...yah gross. I wonder if the bad taste they leave is really ass?

Tickersoid said...

I used to scratch my bum with coins until I caught an infection from someone who'd been sucking on it.

phlegmfatale said...

ms. m - Yeah, perfect time for planting things right now. Yeah, penny sucking - ew. Ass. *shudder*

tickersoid - your comment was disturbing on several levels, and overall one of the funniest things I've ever read. Thanks for the big laugh.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Oh lord, I almost dislocated a rib reading tickersoid's comment.

My parents didn't impart wisdom to me as yours do, but my dad did have some great descriptions of people, which translated from German would be along the lines of "asshole with ears" or "crooked-drilled asshole". Those are words I've always tried to live by.

phlegmfatale said...

barbara - Isn't he the cleverest thing? Oh, and I especially love "crooked-drilled asshole." That's priceless, and I'm vowing to use it sometime in conversation in the next 24 hours.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Phlegmmy, that would make my dad very proud indeed. Thank you.

Jay Noel said...

Sucking on a penny?

Maybe you were iron-deficient? Perhaps copper?

You're dad's a clever one for sure!

Maven said...

Oh phlegmy... you are making me revisit a memory I once thought was fossilized and forgotten... oh shit.... I might just have to blog about it... but it has to do about the places where folks put their money.

Kelly said...

I'm sorry, but after tickersoid's comment, I have nothing to say.

That was the funniest thing I've read in a while.

phlegmfatale said...

nugget - I'll check that out - is this a scary story?

o.g. - Tickersoid is an absolute delight. So clever.

Becky said...

Penny...and ass? I'm curious as to how your dad even made that connection? :)

phlegmfatale said...

He was just saying what it took to get me to not suck on coins. He's a funny guy, too. Taught me a good lesson!