Thursday, January 28, 2010

Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz? *in which Restraint rules the day*

No, but you've been dragged around by the tits?

Wednesday night, I hooked up with Hols and Christina for chicken fried ribeyes at Sweetie Pie's Ribeyes in Decatur. We had a grand time, and cut up mightily. I'm thrilled to see Christina going native and seeming like she's belonged to Texas all along. Soon I expect to see her in a proper pair of ropers. Holly gave me the most delightful Christmas ornament, EVAR, and it's going to hang year-round in my house. Pictures to follow. Was grand to have a hen party with two of my favorite people. We must have looked like trouble, because they stuck us in the naughty corner of the restaurant, away from the proper folks. *snicker*

So, I drank several glasses of iced tea, like you do-- I am, after all, from the South. So, anyhoo, I was tooling home and was about 100 miles from Decatur, when I come over a hill and see a car flip on its lights and come across the median from the other direction.

Oh, crap. Is that a light bar on that car? Hmm. I wonder who they're going to pull over?

I look around and there wasn't nobody there but us chickens. Just me and the crickets on a lonesome Texas highway.

Merdey-poo. On go the lights in teh rearview. He's coming right for me. Holy flaming poopsticks. This is going to be expensive.

I pull over when he's still about 200 yards behind me. No faking this one out.

He came up to the passenger side and I flicked on teh dome light and handed my license, insurance proof and CHL license through the passenger side window. He shone a light into the back of my SUV and looked at the rolled up rug and said "what are you hauling?"

In a supreme act of self-control, I resisted the urge to say "apparently, ass." I explained the rug was a gift from my dad when I visited Dallas last week.

He asked where I came from, where I was heading. I said I'd just come from Decatur and was on my way home.

"Why'd you go to Decatur?"
"I met my girlfriends for dinner at Sweetie Pie's"
"why such a hurry?"
" I have to go to the bathroom." Here I resisted the urge to invoke the half gallon of iced tea that wanted out.

He handed back the CHL and took the driver license and insurance paper back to his car. I sat there waiting, thinking how a moment's inattention had messed me up royally. I think I haven't gotten a speeding ticket in at least 17 years, and 14 years since I got a warning... This was going to be more painful than last time, I think.

After a brief amount of time, the nice officer came back and handed me my things back along with a piece of paper which read "warnings - no penalty assessed for the following offenses 1. Speeding over limit"

mebbe shoulda bought a lottery ticket, but I'll settle for not getting a ticket of the other kind.


Chris said...

Personally, I think Lawdog is summed it up best in a post way way back: The CHL is a good-guy card. It shows the LEO that you're not crazy, not violent, and have passed a DPS background check. You just happened to be putting a little too much pressure in that right hand pedal, is all.

Christina RN LMT said...

LOL, Phlegmmy! I had so much fun! You know, the way that waiter kept the iced tea coming, I'm not surprised you were ready to float away...pressure from your bladder=pressure on the gas's biology, Baby!

Christina RN LMT said...

Oh, and good job on not getting a ticket!

aepilot_jim said...

"apparently, ass"... that had me laughing out loud. :D

Jeffro said...

As a trucker, I've had a few encounters with the DPS over the years. I can't complain about how they've treated me - I've gotten a couple of warnings when I should have gotten a speeding ticket.

Decatur is one of our "stops" - if we can't get through Tarrant county before curfew for oversize starts, the Comfort Inn or the Best Western are our landing spots - motels with truck parking. So, Frilly's is the restaurant of choice.

Gotta love Tejas!

Borepatch said...

I got pulled over (also hauling ass) when #2 Son and I were off to the range. Officer Friendly asked where we were going, and #2 Son pipes up with "We're going to the range!!!!1!"

Officer Friendly runs my license, find I've been keeping my nose clean, and let's me go with an admonishment to drive gently. As he turns to go, he says, "Oh, and sir? Nice bumper sticker." It was one of Bruce's "Save Darfur: Send Rifles".

And this was a Massachusetts Statie!

Old NFO said...

LOL- We 'all' seem to be having a run of good luck with LEO's lately... :-) Good on ya for playing it cool!

rickn8or said...

And Texas DPS Representatives also do not like it when you announce on the CB: "Yeah, the last time I saw a bear movin' like that, there was a two-fer-one sale at Dunkin'

Apparently, having a military uniform hanging in the rear driver's side window is a GOOD thing.

NotClauswitz said...

Nice save!! It didn't work for me last year when my wife had to go to the bathroom - he grimaced and said, "Not a good enough excuse."

Kevin said...

I think the cop would've had a chuckle if you had said it :)
Good on you for dodging one anyhow. Sorry to hear about DC's, but we've got a huge budget deficit here in CA to close, so I doubt we'll be seeing any warnings for a long time...

doubletrouble said...

Y'know, I'm an old guy, & have never heard the "picked up by the fuzz...dragged by the..." line.

LMAO, I sure did.