Thursday, December 15, 2011

Is this a feature or a flaw?

I must seem incredibly accessible to total strangers, because it's startling the wide range of random crap people say to me in stores. Recently I was in big home improvement store in the paint department and a lady walked up to the counter with a fistful of paint chips and started raving about how perfect my scarf was with my hair and coloring, etc, and then she remarked upon my nail polish and she apologized for her hands- said she kept beating them up and I said that in a few days I'd be painting and mine would be all to' up as well. My paint freshly mixed, I said "bye" and walked on.

I went over to the light fixtures and got a new one for the bathroom, then moseyed over to light bulbs and then to the checkout stand. I was facing the checkout, waiting for the guy in front of me to finish, and I noticed paint chip lady was standing there, kind of in my personal space. If I was facing 12 o'clock, she was at about 3:30, and verrrrry close. I turned and smiled at her and she looked startled and said "I'm not trying to buggy-f**k ya."

Wot? omg. It was especially odd because she didn't even have a buggy.

This utterance made it my turn to look startled, then she started prattling about having lived in Germany for a long time and how those Germans just love to buggy-f**k ya even when you can't possibly move forward at all, and she would never be doing that to me because she hates having that done to her. I smiled and said "It's okay. I wouldn't let you if you wanted to."

How strange is that, though? I mean, have you ever even heard of "buggy-f**king" and if so, how long has this been going on?

Just when I think I've heard it all...


Jess said...

I know exactly what she was talking about, but I've never heard it described that way. It fits, although some people are so aggressive with bumping their buggy against you, or your buggy, the only phrase would be "attempted buggy rape".

As far as talkative strangers, I've decided that some people are so nervous being in public, they will say anything, to anyone and never realize how strange it may seem.

ZerCool said...

"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"

I curse like a sailor from time to time - but rarely in public and never to a complete stranger.

When I worked for BBHIS, if a customer laced his conversation with profanity he'd get a lot of, "Excuse me?"

Foul language has no place in public.

J.R.Shirley said...

That's illegal in Alabama.

Jennifer said...

Hmm. I'm waiting for Christina and/or Marko to chime in here. I've certainly never heard of such a thing.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

So it was a very worthwhile trip - you got some paint AND learned a new word. Hurray for learning!

BuggyFugger said...

I'd try to.

Old NFO said...

LOL, yep, you just 'attract' folks Phlegmmy... :-)

Matt G said...

A: You're attracting teh krayzee.
B: Feature. No, flaw. No, feature.
C: Sure she wasn't saying "Bunny" Effer? Or meaning to?
D: Attempting to research the term, I get nothing but hit after ever-lovin' hit about some Amish pedophile who sexted a kid from his buggy to come get in his ride and maybe play a game of "Find my lost puppy."

phlegmfatale said...

Jess - I suppose I'm glad I don't spend more time in the shopping-trolley milieu, if buggy-boinking is that common!
ZerCool - I'm trying to curtail my cursing habit- it's far too easy and I'm obviously way too comfortable with it-- I accidentally dropped the f-bomb in front of Mom recently *blush*
JR Shirley - I think Alabama made the right call on that one!
Jennifer - I texted Christina to ask her to weigh in
Barbara - most enlightening, indeed. Now if I could just get myself motivated to do that painting!
BuggyFugger - you made me guffaw -- thanks!

OldNFO - apparently. It doesn't help that I speak fluent crazy.
Matt G- A - clearly
B - Yes. Most definitely.
C - Yes, I'm sure
D - *cringe*