Thursday, November 01, 2007


RUH ROH, RAGGY!

Halloween recall of lead-laden ugly fake bubba teeth from China. Hollywood is in danger. I'm worried for them.





I'm hoping activist Hollywood will stop whingeing globally and start acting locally to tidy up the toxic chompers they're sporting. Diseased gums, mismatched veneers, discolored gums that indicate an obvious predilection for the Colombian marching powder, big honkin' toofies that look like piano keys-- it's an epidemic. Not even the young are exempt from trifling with what nature gave 'em: poor Hilary Duff is now rocking a set of veneers that time-warped straight from a Martha Raye Depends ad, circa 1993. Tsk tsk.



I've said it before, but does anyone remember Cher's original teeth? Yeah, they were kinda wonky, but I think they looked soooo much better than that uni-tooth veneer thing she's got going on now. That's just me. Oh, and David Bowie used to have teeth, too.

Now here's something funny - my dentist also does cosmetic veneers, and he told me he has a patient who came in and had veneers made that were like Cher's original teeth. Amazing.

12 comments:

skywriter said...

Do the stars actually think those look real. Hilary D. looks like she's got a mouth full of Chiclets gum.

It's sad. Especially with all the fake breasts. I see comments on the web from young guys on a models natural breasts and they are like "oh. . look how saggy they are". And they're not. . not at all, normal large breasts do NOT stick straight up at the ceiling when you lie on your back, not even when you're 20.

But now that's considered the "norm".

Anonymous said...

is that the same one who put braces on a dog? I like that. I'm so glad I didn't let our old dentist fix my gap. You would call me chicklett mouth forever, then if I ever did run away and live in the wilderness and one fell off it would suck. A

Myron said...

I don't understand all the tinkering. A human is not a frickin' car that needs customizing. To quote one of my childhood heroes "I yam what I yam."

Buck Pennington said...

...time-warped straight from a Martha Raye Depends ad, circa 1993.

You DO know how to turn a phrase, Phlegmmy!

Oooh, Skywriter...you just pushed my MOST prominent hot-button! There is only ONE legit reason for silicone breasts, that being re-constructive surgery following a mastectomy. I'm thankful women have that option and both my ex- and one of my daughters-in-law have gone that route.

Other than that...it's Immediate Disqualification in the Dating Derby if you're sporting Torpedo Tits. Just sayin'.

Christina said...

Hey, Buck...

After you've gone through a few pregnancies and nursed several children, THEN you can diss women who choose the, shall we say, "less than natural" look.

One gets tired of resembling the ladies that sometimes grace the cover of National Geographic Magazine.

Just sayin'

Buck Pennington said...

After you've gone through a few pregnancies and nursed several children, THEN you can diss women who choose the, shall we say, "less than natural" look.

OK...I'm NOT a woman. But I am "of an age" where most of the women in my life, and ALL that I date, fall into the category you've mentioned (having borne children, nursed or not), Christine. Very few have opted for the "less than natural" look, and, as I mentioned, none that I date.

This is obviously a matter of personal choice and if that's what floats your boat...along with that of your hubby or boyfriend...then fine. I was simply agreeing with Skywriter and expressing MY opinion...which still stands.

I don't see anything wrong with life's natural progressions... like aging. I find it attractive, actually.

But that's just me.

Christina said...

Actually, I'm all natural.

I'm scared of going under the knife, not to mention I scar very easily.

Also, that whole leakage thing/possible auto-immune disorders...ack!

I don't see anything wrong with life's natural progressions... like aging. I find it attractive, actually.

Wow.

Do you have any clones running around Las Vegas? ;)

I haven't found anyone with your opinion in Vegas, fake-boob-capital-of-the-world that it is!

Mechuahua said...

I loved Cher as the half-breed Indian princess. I miss her uneven snaggle teeth and aristocratic nose.

Buck Pennington said...

Do you have any clones running around Las Vegas? ;)

Dang, Christine, I hope not!! Coz I'd hate to see the gendarmerie show up at my door with photographic evidence of various and sundry ...uh...indiscretions! That would be assuming my clone and I shared ALL attributes, of course. And also the reason (prone to excess, and all that) I stay well away from Las Vegas, NV. I have been seen in LV, NM a lot, tho...

;-)

phlegmfatale said...

skywriter - yeah, they have become warped by other Hollywood people and think WE don't know the difference, either. The fake boob thing is, just, I dunno. It's kinda sad.

A - seriously - if civilization ever goes to pot and modern dentistry is no longer available, many will rue their veneers in leisure. Or desperation.

myron - me to - WYSIWYG

buck - go on-- flatter me! You are our kind of guy, buck. Yep, original manufacturer equipment is vastly preferable, in my book, for all its flaws.

christina - it's just the way it goes - one shouldn't de-value their own life just because they are subject to gravity like every natural living being.

buck - yup - WE like you! *grin* Yes, it has its appeal. ANd yeah, young people are gorgeous, but they lack a certain glint in the eye that someone has who's seen a bit of life. That's my opinion.

christina - yeah, we definitely need more of buck running around

mechuahua - she was actually quite pretty, I think. She looked totally her own, and that was great

buck - Yeah, I suppose you do have enough to answer for without another you stirring up mischief. Then again, you could force the clone to earn your living, and you could be a man of leisure.

~Fathairybastard~ said...

One of the things you can fix when you don't like what God gave ya. Mine were strait from the get go, so I guess I'm lucky. My thing is when folks have those teeth that are so friggin' white they blind ya. To me, a little tinge of color is like a lived-in look, like a few little stains on the couch you like to flop on.

Buck Pennington said...

Phleghmmy sez: ...you could be a man of leisure.

Could be? I AM, M'Dear...I AM! ;-)

(and thanks for the kind words!)