Fatale Abstraction

I saw it.
I had to have it.
I bought it.

The latest entry in my catalog of needless purchases comes courtesy of the CVS pharmacy markdown Halloween aisle.

I was looking at bottled water, when I heard it calling to me from one aisle over. "Phlegm" it whispered. I did not resist. My path was strewn with boxes from the new Christmas decorations with which the staff were working through the night to swag the joint. Undaunted, I stepped over the boxes and walked along the aisle. It was love at first sight: My new Animated Lowrider. It's so cool. True love for $7.49-- who says money can't buy me love? It's a black station-wagon (hearse?) driven by a couple skeletons with ripped red headliner (or drapes) hanging down and flapping in the wind. When you push the button, the front end lifts up and green LEDs glow from underneath the chassis and a red LED glows from the dome, and all this to the dulcet tones of "Another one bites the dust."

THIS was meant for my collection. I went home and did a search on "animated lowrider" and found this treasure, which I promptly ordered, of course. This one (pictured) comes replete with a vato, Hulk Hogan and Samuel L. Jackson, along with a primer-gray passenger door. This one plays War's classic Lowrider. What's not to like? This will go nicely nestled amongst the floaty pen and wind-up toy collections. I'll just make a note to keep them well away from the ladies in the tip-n-strip pens and the cheesy 60s girlie playing cards.
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Wednesday I went to my folks' house to see niece and nephew in their Halloween finery (she was a fairy and he was a ninja) so Miss Buns had to forego any birthday celebration. The next night I took her to the dog park to celebrate her birthday. We'd been there nearly an hour when a guy I remembered who looked like John Leguizamo showed up, and the smile on my face froze when I remembered that he has this little evil poodle from hell. EPFH is maybe 12 pounds and is close-cropped all over except for his over-grown head hair, which sorta gives him a scraggly lion effect. EPFH looks like he's been over-pruned and the wisps on the tail and skinny body give him a look like a little old man, but that big head is freaky, and he's a right horny little bastard. He makes the rounds of the humans, letting them know he's arrived. He'll pee on one person's leg, and then hump a leg of the next person over. He's so nasty. I scooped up my doglet and tried not to look TOO eager to get out of there, but I was delighted we made our exit before EPFH made it around to my leg. I really wonder about that dog, but I'm afraid to ask the guy. Yuck.