Monday, November 19, 2007

...in which our heroine continues her quest to breathe life into her inner cowgirl.

HEROINE: [walks into western wear emporium, sees handsome, slightly older cowboy with sky-blue eyes carrying a stick-horsie back to the stick-horsie barrel] I woulda' figured you for a bigger horse.
SALES COWBOY: [obviously delighted, speechless, smiling]

later, at the cash register as I turned to leave:
SC: Thanks for smiling at me. You just made my day.
H: What? Has someone been mistreating you today?
SC: No, but until you smiled at me, it was a pretty ordinary day.

If I hadn't already made the purchase, I would have figured I was being given a sales pitch.

He helped me choose a shirt for that little singing gig thing I did Saturday night. Nice guy. You single women need to start wearing western wear, is all I'm saying.
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Singing Saturday night, I did a Patsy Cline tune. The program was packed and a little pressed for time, otherwise, I would have told the story of the last time I sang that song in public. I was in a karaoke bar in London, and a toothless 70-something man fell in LURVE with me, followed me around all night. This time, I wanted to step up to the mic and say "Now, last time I sang this in public, a toothless 70-something man fell in love with me, and if any of you 70-something men take a mind to fall in love with me, you need to know up front I have a 4 tooth minimum."

But, I wimped out, and didn't say anything, just grinned like a loon. I was worried that little bit of patter would make me forget all 23 words of the song. Honestly. Lily-livered!
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A couple girls got up on stage and sang some hideous new country duet about something like "is he loving you like he's loving me" and my sister and I were in paroxysms over the icky-ness of it all. I mean, YUCK! Why didn't they just mug down and make out on stage? As if you'd ever say "well, I know you're boinking my guy, but, um, well, okay." The new country has gone to the dark side and totally crossed-over into Whitney Houston world. *cootie spray*

Then the Patsy Cline topic erupted and sis said she couldn't believe Patsy sang that awful song "Foolin' Around", which pretty much says I know you're just a horn-dog and are going to fool around, so I'm going to break up with you so after you fool around with other women, you can come fool around with me.

Me: Sheesh! Patsy really did a song like that?
Sis: Yeah!
Me: Can you imagine - just saying you're basically okay with that arrangement?
Sis: Exactly. I'd be like "after you fool around with those other women, come over here so I can shoot you."

I love my baby sis! She's yet another family Bad Ass™.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

AW shucks, thanks sis, thats right I pity tha fool... I'm kinda suprised no one did the ticks song, kind of them not to though. If I were you I'd sing Swingin. A

lainy said...

You two have so much fun lately. I'm happy someone is.

Those Tx. cowboys can be very sweet when they wanna be;)

phlegmfatale said...

Sis - I'd advise no one to tangle with your ornery self. Yeah, maybe I'll do the ticks song. Nah, I'm gonna do "baby's got her bluejeans on." *tee hee*

lainy - Wow, it's been roller-coastery for me, actually. Some elements of stress lately, but at least there's been something to offset the stress. That was fun. So you reckon I just caught that cowboy on a good day? Maybe he was pre-selling & just wanted me to come back and buy more stuff. That's a possibility, now I think about it. Not that my smile wouldn't make a cowboy's day, 'r nuthin'.

DBA Dude said...

Were you wearing cowboy boots or unfeasibly high heels? Good to hear that you and lil sis had another fun night out.

Was a wee bit sad this morning when I hopped over to Scully’s and found that she had made the choice to retire from blogging and had pulled down her archives. I will miss her writing but have to respect her decision as the best solution for her dilemma.

DirtCrashr said...

Aw man I hate it when I do that, plan a clever speechlet and then pull back on it.

Christina said...

You know how I feel about cowboys...that's why December is my favorite month in Vegas...NFR, baby!

"I shoulda said this - I shoulda said that!"

Why do we DO this to ourselves?

Though I admit I do more of the "Why did I SAY that?!" self-torture. I have gotten better at keeping my mouth shut in the past few years though. Got tired of tasting shoe-leather all the time.

I'm sure you were awesome, wish I could've heard you.

As far as the foolin' round thing goes...

Polyamory is one thing, the assumption is that everyone is open and honest, jealousy is non-existent (yeah, right!), and everyone is happy.

If a guy cheated on me...?

Death. Plain and simple. Well, not really, but the relationship would be dead, and so would any love I had for the guy.

~Fathairybastard~ said...

Loves me some bad ass women who pack a rod and not only knows how, but when to use it. And why am I flashing on the scene in "Bus Stop" where what's-his-face shushes the crowd so she can sing? Damn, I love that movie.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

They would have loved the 70-year old man story! I know I did, anyway.

You are too much, Phlegmmy!

B said...

aw, Patsy just wants a piece of the action. I think it's kind of hot. Maybe she was just being cheeky about an "open" arrangement.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

By the way, you vixen, you've been tagged.

Lin said...

You SHOULD have told the story - you would have slain them in the aisles.
Ya gotta love those cowboys. We told Slim about you and he got all sorts of cowboy thrilled and excited.

Holly said...

Glad to hear it went well. And that's just the sort of comment I'd expect you to make to a cowboy. Doesn't it please you when someone tells you that your action "made their day"? That always make me feel soooo good.

SoHoS said...

I hate that song...Does he love you like he loves me? (reba and some other chic) GAG!!!!!!!! Glad y'all had fun...

Meade Skelton said...

Thanks for posting that. Foolin' Round was actually a guy's song- written and originally performed by Buck Owens. Patsy bucked at doing it because she said 'thats man's song!" But Owen Bradley convinced her to put it on wax. She put a female spin on it, and finally recorded it . I think it works either way.