8 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! Noon - Lunch! My favorite thing! 1 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing! 5 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing! 7 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing! 8 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing! 11 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
CAT'S DIARY
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event However,I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be a informant. I observe hi communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reportsmy every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe .......For now...
skywriter - *L* EXACTLY! Funny thing is a cat-exclusive person would read that and go "Yeah! Dogs suck. Cats rock!" and a dog-lover would say "Yeah! Cats suck. Dogs rock!" Everybody wins.
7 comments:
ROFLMAO!!!
HEE-hee-whew.
Pretty scary to see that right off the bat when the page loaded.
You can practically see all the way down his gullet.
Cute in a strange way.;)
That is one gnarly-looking kitty. Needs a bandana and an eye-patch. "Ahoy, mateys!"
DOG's DIARY
8 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
Noon - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
5 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
CAT'S DIARY
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or
some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations
perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending
comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event However,I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due
to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
this again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.The
dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be a informant. I observe hi communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reportsmy every move. My captors
have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe
.......For now...
christina - he's fierce!
lainy - yes, almost adorably disturbing...
g bro - and a peg-leg!
skywriter - *L* EXACTLY!
Funny thing is a cat-exclusive person would read that and go "Yeah! Dogs suck. Cats rock!" and a dog-lover would say "Yeah! Cats suck. Dogs rock!" Everybody wins.
That wasn't a flattering shot of that particular kitty, I'll tell ya. He could use a good periodontist, and mebbe an ENT.
Phlegm, what if you love both?!
Skywriter, you are a genius.
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