Friday, October 05, 2007


My day has been ruined by this photo, and now it's your turn.


For once, I actually wish I saw underwear sticking up out of that mess. For goodness' sake, put some clothes on, you filthy whore!

The vomitorium is the third door on the right.

You're welcome.

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While I'm on a roll, how about the morons who refer to their transmission as a "tranny." A tranny is a transvestite or transexual. Full stop. I don't care what your uncle Bubba called it.

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Rollover to voice mail on cell foams. I am on the phone half the day at my job, and that's fine, but when I return someone's call and it automatically rolls me over to voice mail, well, I'm ok with that too. But then they call me 10 minutes later and say "Oh, I saw you called" and I say "did you listen to my message?" and 9 out of 10 times they say "oh, I just couldn't get to the phone in time" and I then have to unfurl the whole nine yards I just spooled out onto their dad-burned voice mail. I'm going to stop leaving messages altogether. The irony is that if they'd listen to brief but detailed message, there would often be no need for further conversation. Actually, the message I get from the other person is that they have no respect for my time and the effort it took for me to return their moronic-assed phone call in the first place.

Why does a mud hut on the Yukon sound more like paradise with each passing day?
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Funeral fun: Mausoleums 'R' Us!

Burial plots go duplex/fourplex/condo. The "Atkinson" looks like a 3 port storage unit. Squint a little and you can see the orange corrugated metal doors.

Then there's the "Gilinder" which looks like a dam from the public works projects of the Depression era. There's something grave (did you see that? grave?) and comforting about this monument that says "this sturdy thing put food in the mouths of hungry families. Generations of stonecutting families from the granite gulags outside Genoa have honed their mad skills to make this monument possible. Keep on rocking in the bereaved world."

23 comments:

Christina said...

They look like banker's boxes, or file cabinet drawers, OR shoeboxes.

You know, a box you'd use to store junk you'll never need again.

Unless you get audited by the IRS.

UG-LY!

Christina said...

Isn't that Carrottop?
I'd heard he'd gotten all buff, but I could have happily lived forever without seeing it.

I hate playing phone tag, and I have a friend who never listens to his voicemails, so I don't even bother anymore.

Anonymous said...

Is that Carrottop? I didn't see him as a bodybuilder. He just got waxed and had to show it off, looks tender.
I'm thinking dug-out, like Little House, first book maybe...
I wanna be buried in whatever is handy and cheap, k. Love You, A

phlegmfatale said...

christina - yeah, they're pretty unattractive

christina - yup, 'tis carrottop. Like I said "cover that mess up."
Yeah, I'm going to stop bothering leaving VMs, too.

Sis - Yup, that's him in the flesh. Yup, it's a Trappist Casket for you AND for me.

g bro said...

Carrot Top on steroids. Finally he's funny.

Tickersoid said...

I forgive you for the grave joke.

Now I'll have to google Carrot Top.

phlegmfatale said...

g bro - no, YOU are funny!

tickers the magnanimous - since it's my birth week, I'm forgiving myself, too. Good to see you back!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Well at least we now know he doesn't die his hair. Damn, I wish I didn't know that.

You could built a very nice bbq on top of those condo mausoleums.

Mushy said...

Damn, that ain't Carrot Top" is it?

DirtCrashr said...

Aaagh! Eye-bleach and propane torch!

SpeakerTweaker said...

You know, I actually argued with my Project Manager for ten minutes the other day on the existence of "low-rise" pants for men. He said they existed, I denied it knowing that no MAN in his right mind would actually wear them.

Now I'm glad I didn't bet on it. I also want to claw out my eyes and receive a frontal labotomy.

Eewww, Flegmmy. Just eww.



tweaker

skywriter said...

ewww. . .if he was the last guy on earth, frankly I'd change teams.

cover that up man. . .

Lin said...

Oh thanks for sharing, girl, on both that bulging, pantsed monstrosity and the storage for stiffs.

Mark has come to that realization about voice messages that he shouldn't waste his breath - same deal, they just hit call without listening anyway. Now he just says "Call me when you can". And they rarely do.

Line up your mud hut in the Yukon before they get pricey. Avoidance of cells and voice mail will drive up the price soon - you'll see.

phlegmfatale said...

barbara - yeah, he's definitely not a blonde. Yeah, wish I didn't know that, either. *yuck*

yeah, it'd be a great place for family gatherings

mushy - yes it is, in the flesh...

dirtcrashr - it's all kinds of wrong, isn't it?

speakertweaker - Sorry man. I meant it when I said that image ruined my day. Could've lived a full life without ever seeing that.

skywriter - me too. Then again, from what I've heard, if he was the last man on earth, he'd have to change teams, too.

lin - I'm happy to bring you yet more confirmation for what a good ideer it was for you and Mark to go native. Yeah, Mark's smarter than me. It's taken me a long time to figure that one out. Better late than never, though. Well, maybe Antarctica???

lainy said...

Eewwwwwww on both accounts. Carrot top and barbeque storage unit's.

Save your breath and let them call you back, and I'm sure it will be at the most inappropriate time ever.Such is life.

phlegmfatale said...

lainy - yup, a whole lot of nastiness going on. Yeah, I WILL save my breath in future.

triticale said...

Trans is the proper contraction for transmission. If you want to be clever, call it a gear box.

Meg in Nelson said...

Ditto re. the pants!

Re. the phone.... Ummm.... I do listen to messages, but I am guilty of ringing them back to thank them. Or emailing them to thank them. Convent school girl!!

It's Me... Maven said...

I'm scared.

If Carrot Top sucks his gut in any further, his pants will drop, and just when you think that picture can't get any scarier...

I just can't bear to see any more manscaping...

It's Me... Maven said...

PS: Speaking of mausoleums...

Wanna know something that bugged me? Recently, when Leona Helmsley died, they mentioned in an article her mausoleum is 1600 or 1200 square feet. Shit... even her mausoleum is bigger than my condo!!

Becky said...

I can't stand it when people don't bother to listen to voice mails before calling back -- esp. when I was doing real estate and half the time, I didn't really need them to call back and now have a 30 min. conversation about the same crap we always talked about, I was just giving them info.

~Fathairybastard~ said...

Ya know, someone somewhere is gonna blow that up and mumble "ooooh, carrottop!" Amazing.

Attila The Mom said...

OMG My eyes! My eyes!