Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Courtesy Flush and other housekeeping notes.

I may have mentioned at some point that I'm working in Customer Service these days.

That's right. From the minute I hit the old time clock until that last second of the day, I'm straining doorward at the end of my phone-tether, professional palaver maven. I service members all day long.

Thank you. I'll be here all week.

I understand my role and in a lot of ways I enjoy what I'm doing. I'm a fixer. I enjoy solving puzzles, and I find it tremendously gratifying to make things right for folks. However, if folks are calling in to customer service lines, there are a few things they can do to help me do my job.

Squalling infants in the background: You may be baffled to know that the poo-flinging dauphin wot sprang from your loins is ear-piercing over a phone line. I can't solve your problem if your voice is a mere whisper behind the 80 decibel wall of cacophony your child is orchestrating. Please please pretty please put a cork in it before you call, mkay?

We're talking and I'm focusing on your issue. I take this very seriously. Hearing your jeans unzip plays havoc with my ability to concentrate on resolving issues. Trying to keep the laughter out of my voice against the backdrop of your clattering urine reporting around a tiled room is, well, it's just embarrassing. And THEN you flush. Well, makes sense-- it's not as if you would like to discreetly hide what you were doing. How about a courtesy not-flush in this case? At least I could pretend you were folding laundry and then washed your hands in a sink? Help me with my fantasy, okay?

Loud tv/video game/electronic equipment in the background: would you mind terribly powering down the table saw before you call? I really want to help. Help me help you.


Chuy's paw prints came off the wall mostly with a wet warsh cloth. The other little bit was easily touched up.


I'm prolly moving into my new bedroom this week, depending. WOOHOO!


Thank you, LawDog, for swiping at bugs with the hand-held bugzapper over my dinner plate. What's a little extra protein and fibre among friends, eh? ;)


Anonymous said...

Is that a Betty Page pin-up?

And yes, being a radio operator in times past, I understand and sympathize completely. And attempt to comply as much as possible.

B Woodman

Roscoe said...

Our company was facing the possibility of a strike this summer, and I was trained to be a scab customer service rep, answering calls 12 hours a day in a bad section of LA.

What bothered me the most about the assignment wasn't the job or even the location (near the "Scrubs" hospital and brewery where the cast/crew of the Star Trek flick filmed the engine room scenes -- too cool!), but the expectation that I was going to "upsell" the customer to more expensive services while I had them on the phone; management would have been lucky if I didn't totally screw up a basic order with the minimal training we received.

(The strike was averted, though. It was a strange coincidence, but a few days before the union began settling, one of the rank and file appeared on prime time network TV discussing how he spent $70,000 turning himself into a woman and showing of his/her new body. I don't know if that was a factor, but it was hard to make the case that they were underpaid after that show aired.)

Jon said...

I'm thinking your salvation may be in learning the Klingon language. When dealing with Klingon mentality, then Klingon phrasing should help with communicating with bothersome clients.

Hab SoSlI' Quch - "Your mother has a smooth forehead" is a powerful insult. Use it sparingly.

Rabbit said...

Welcome to my world.

Generally, it's loud server cooling fans, but with the advent of the telecommute, screaming children, noisy household appliances and teewee garble already marginally unintelligible accents.

With Yankees, sometimes I tell them my first language really isn't English, as I was raised in East Texas. That generally confuses the bejeepers out of them. If it gets really bad, I intersperse a sentence in Finnish.

B Woodman, go Google Vargas girls.


Anonymous said...

maybe they are just opening a jar.


Old NFO said...

Good one, and yes, that is a Vargas :-)

Anonymous said...

Rabbit & Old NFO,
Ah, thank you, I sit corrected. Vargas vs Betty Page. I really SHOULD learn my pin-up girls.

B Woodman