Wednesday, April 03, 2019

R.I.P., Dad.

I will write more at length, later, but I have to mark this occasion now. I've written so many times of my lovely, wonderful parents. Well, my darling Father died on March 22, 2019. I don't know how I'm going to bear it, because it is the most bloody painful thing I've ever experienced, and I'd do anything in the world if his death could be undone. He just collapsed that day, and was gone, so I know it could have been worse. He didn't die as a result of an act of violence. He did not have an agonizing decline in mental/physical faculties that made him feel diminished. He did not experience the fear that he was losing his mind. For all those agonies he was spared, I am grateful. Still, it is so terrible to lose him. I will do my utmost to support Mom and to keep her around as long as possible. It has been 12 days and I still can't believe it. A tremendous sparkle has left the world, and I wonder if I will ever be happy again? It is impossible to imagine that I ever could.

R.I.P, Dad. Thank you for being the best and making me so very proud. Thank you for choosing the best Mom in the world for me, too. Thank you for everything, for making such a lovely home and life for your kids and for Mom.


pigpen51 said...

My dear young lady, I so know just how you are feeling. My mom died on April 15, of 2013. My dad died on April 19, of 2014. He died just about a year later, of a broken heart. And I am now 58 years old, and the only time I have cried since I was probably 5 years old, was when my dad died.
You just can't pick up the phone and call your mom or dad, just to chat or to ask a silly little question like what temp do you bake a cake at or how do you change the spark plug on a snow mobile.
My mom had stage 4 lung cancer, and went through chemotherapy. She and my dad had owned a restaurant for 30 plus years, then sold it. She went back to work after a few years, because she got bored. My dad would get up in the morning at 5:30 to take her the 2 blocks to work, then have coffee with her, and go back home and sleep for a couple of hours before getting back up. She worked right up until 2 months before she died from lung cancer took her. She was 79, and my dad was 86. They were so close, that if you saw one in a store, you looked over your shoulder to see where the other one was at.
So after my mom passed away, my dad simply lost his will to live, and as her anniversary of her death got closer, he knew it, and his health declined, to where he was just at the edge of death when her date of death passed. He died a few days later.
I can only tell you that I share your grief with you, and will pray for you and your mother, that you will both be comforted by the Spirit of God, who is also called the Comforter. I not only believe that He will do so , but I am the kind who doesn't just say it, I will actually pray for you.
I can only tell you to take however long it takes to heal and to allow yourself to grieve. It is hard, and you need to be patient with yourselves.

Tokarev said...

I am so sorry to hear of your loss of your dad. As a reader of your blog for years, I know of your love for him and of his love and pride he had for you.

phlegmfatale said...

Thank you, pigpen51 and Tokarev. This has been rough. I appreciate the encouragin' words. Trying to finish up the semester so I can go and spend a lot more quality time with Mom and help her gather loose ends. Hoping to go on several trips with her this summer to visit dear ones we haven't seen in quite a while. My family and I appreciate your kind thoughts and prayers.

PPPP said...

Phlegmy -

I don't write often, and I'm ashamed to admit I haven't seen this till now.

But now that I finally have, I wanted to add my sincere condolences. As you already know, your parents are/were the best, and you have been truly blessed in life.

I will not say "I know how you feel", because nobody really does. We may know how we felt when our parent/parents left us, but we should never presume to know how someone else feels.

That said, I do know that life will go on, if you let it. Yes, a bit sadder, a bit emptier, for his passing. But you have your memories, and those are all wonderful ones for you. That is a blessing not everyone gets with the parents they have.

So, be glad for the extra time you had with him, be glad that he did not suffer, spend extra time with your mom, and come back to us when you're ready.

We'll be waiting. Some of us may be a bit late, but we'll be waiting none-the-less.

phlegmfatale said...

Thank you, PPPP. It's been more than a year. It's been rough, but I'm trying my best, and prayer has helped a great deal. Thank you again for your kind words.

Vinogirl said...

Oh my, the line, "Thank you for choosing the best Mom in the world for me," made me sob out loud. Be strong.