Saturday, April 28, 2012

The way forward

I got off work yesterday and I realized that I had nothing to do, no prior commitments, no one I said I'd meet at a play or karaoke or coffee. I was the definition of un-busy for once. And then I realized why I do all the overcommitting that I do: I'm a sociable person and I spend an unusual amount of time alone. Himself is at work 5 evenings a week and I work in the days and we have different days off, so opportunities for just lounging about really don't happen. I do need to be around people. Rather than sitting around like a clove on a baked ham, I went and bought a book and took myself on a date to a sushi restaurant. I had a nice time, met some people from Cuba when one of them was wracking his brain to think of a particular Colombian author's name he loved (Gabriel Garcia-Marquez) who happens to be one of my favorites. Nice things happened. It was like kismet and I came home feeling like I'd had something a little more spontaneous than usual happen. Then I went for a walk for about an hour and chatted to a dear friend whilst I did. It was a nice Friday night. Those occasions of concentrated time alone lead one to introspection. I was musing to a friend that another friend said that I'm so upbeat that it can be hard to take. The truth is, when I'm around friends, unless I'm in a state of distress and need comfort, I generally feel like a puppy and so excited to see everyone. Maybe that's why I identify with my houndies so deeply-- they don't know the meaning of squandering time with dear ones. Life is to be savored and enjoyed, and not whine away with pointless worry and fear. I don't know when, exactly, but I started reading Cynthia Occelli's blog some time ago, maybe about a year or so. I'm not one to go to any site regularly, but updates on hers feed to my email and have an uncanny knack for buoying me in the direction I need more often than not. Also, I'm not one to subscribe to fortune-cookie generalities, and thoughts that generate a baseless good feeling for its own sake. Hers is a sight where she shares much of what she's been through and what she overcomes, and there is a strong focus on letting go of negative feelings that keep one from achieving what they aspire to in life. She's an incredible person with a great story about propelling herself forward and leaving self-defeating thought systems in her wake. I admire her optimism and her ability to sublimate dark humors by moving forward with her life and not dragging along cumbersome swags of other peoples' baggage. But I do have the occasional dark humor. All the time I'm swimming forward but I am aware of a chasm in the rearview mirror and glancing back is nigh irresistable. I have to fight to keep the dark thoughts at bay, and sometimes, a boost from Cindy really helps me fight the tide. Her post today is called Only the good stuff, and it contains several great things today but one in particular struck me. She said:
What it means when people criticize you: When people undermine your dreams, predict your doom or criticize you, remember they're telling you their story, not yours. Cynthia Occelli
I've thought that very thing in the past, but was not able to work it into a verbal mass so nicely. Thank you for the encouragin' words, Cindy. :)

No comments: