Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Witchy? Pooh.

I was talking to a friend from work today and she told me that one of my peers who is a bit of a holy-roller said she was scared of me when I first came to work there- said she thought I was a witch.

This was a genuine WTF moment.

Yes, I'm planted here in the middle of greater redneckia.

Yes, I wear some wicked looking shoes on occasion.

That doesn't make me Wiccan, or any other religion. What absolute twaddle.

The woman had apparently said that my hair made me look like a witch, and that is truly so magnificently annoying as to defy description. I've spent a lot of time, energy and no small amount of money trying to control my hair during my adult life, and the fact is that if the humidity is high, then my hair will puff up like a cat in the middle of a dog convention. How the hell, indeed? So my hair is large and in charge- does that make me inherently evil?

So I don't try to manage it by bundling it up in a ponytail or chopping it off to some middle-age know-your-place hairstyle. If that is someone's definition of pagan, then there's a lot more in question about that person than may be questioned about me.

How can someone look at your hair and say "she's clearly a this or a that"???

What an arrogant ass!
What makes it all the more obnoxious is that she claims to know the way to heaven and to understand something about grace and the redemption of a soul, and yet she didn't care enough to verify before she judged me based on something over which I have very little control?

On the other hand, thank goodness she didn't actually broach the topic with me-- she might have invited me to church, and any church she would go to is not a place I want to be.

22 comments:

Tolewyn said...

I know I for one wake up in cold sweats from nightmares that center around that magnificent mane that thou dost rocketh! When I also consider thy magnificent footwear I doth suffer fear of your dark powers as well.

Peter said...

Phlegmmy, Phlegmmy, Phlegmmy . . . that's why Lawdog and I taught you how to use a shotgun!

;-)

phlegmfatale said...

Tole - Hyuk! I'm just an old softie, really.

Peter - I hold that in reserve, and I thank you for the skill. [and the shotgun!!!]

Jon said...

It's time for church lady day. No makeup, hair in a bun, a super conservative business suit and a hidden faux pentagram tatoo on your wrist, where you can only show it by choice.

What fun. Post pictures.

Jay G said...

Witches only wished they looked that good...

Ignore the haters, Phlegmmy. They're small-minded, hate-filled idiots...

Farmmom said...

Sweetie if you look like a witch then sign me up!!

Personally I think she is just jealous.

phlegmfatale said...

Jon - If she wants severe, I can serve her up a steaming cuppa!

Jay G - awwwww! You're right about ignoring it, but I reserve the right to at least one good *harumph!*

Farmmom - LOL! You're good for my ego. :)

Joe Allen said...

Maybe she overheard someone commenting on your "skill with a boomstick" and got confused?

Christina LMT said...

On your very last day at work, wear a witch costume, but especially the huge, pointy/floppy hat! Make that bitch's eyes bulge out. Even better, brew her a nice cup of herbal tea as a "parting gift"! LOL!

George said...

WHAT a MAROON! You are right-on in your analysis, and gorgeous, in your own right! I wouldn't waste my time. But, if I did, I'd sneak up behind her, and whisper into her ear 'POOKIE, POOKIE, POOKIE'!

Stretch said...

At least she didn't try to sprinkle you with Holy Water ($9.95 plus tax for 8 oz.)
What? You think I'm kidding?
I guess when you work at a new age store these things seem 'normal.'

MiniKat said...

A) She's clearly jealous.

B) She's also a nutbag.

Two things that should never be added together.

However, iffin ya wanted stir the cauldron, wait for an office discussion of The Bard and start quoting MacBeth. I'm certain you will know which scene I'm thinking of.

Anonymous said...

Tell her she has a plank in her eye

Buck said...

Heh. I'd ride shotgun on your broom any ole time.

I'm thinkin' there wouldn't have been any sorta comment at all were you a blonde.

I'm also thinkin' there are damned few (none, actually) organized, structured, and hierarchical religions I'd wanna be a part of. But that's just me. Folks can do as they choose in that arena, as long as they stay outta my face.

LabRat said...

The only possible reaction to this is, next time you see her, nail her with a stinkeye from afar and start declining Latin nouns under your breath.

Keads said...

Uh, no. I dated a Wiccian. I was unable to ascertain that until I was able to see her lower back BIG PENTAGRAM WITH A CROW TATTOO! That is when I got a clue. It went from hip to hip. I would expect that that is a good sign of a Wiccian; hair and shoes, not so much!

Borepatch said...

I'd think that if you had sold your Eternal Soul to Old Nick, the least he'd do is toss in some Common Sense Hair Control ...

Old NFO said...

O.M.G... That is just TOO funny... I know it's not, but knowing you :-)

Joanna said...

Tell me, dear, who undoes your hair? :-)

I just recently accepted/realized that I am, in fact, a big-haired woman. I now revel in the fact, and I'm growing it right the heck out. And no I will not cut it when I turn 40.

Also, in my experience, women like your coworker are more to be pitied than anything. They're so insecure that they can only feel validated by assuming the worst about others. Bring her a nice slice of pity cake, maybe ...

Steve said...

Welllll, you are bewitching, but that's not really the same, is it?

Bulrush said...

That witch picture is from a Bugs Bunny episode, and one of my favorite episodes to boot!

"Abracadabra!" *poof*
"Hocus pocus!" *paf*
"Walla Walla Washington!" *sporp*

Keads said...

@Bulrush- One of mine too! Thanks for the laugh!