Tuesday, February 19, 2008



I haven't the remotest remembrance where I got this photo of the Stay-Puft marshmallow car, but, oh, what the heck!
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Contender for Asshat Of The Year award:


A resident had a party and thought it'd be really groovy to just stick his ratty old washer/dryer out under the covered parking. Mind you, this is not a white trash community. There are no cars on blocks. My 2005 Hyundai is one of the oldest, cheapest cars to be found there.


I saw the W/D the next day and told maintenance to remove it from the property immediately, that the owner of our company would come unglued if they saw such trash sitting about. Maintenance approached the owner of the W/D.


Maintenance Person: We were told to remove your washer/dryer - would you like us to move them back into your apartment for you?
Asshat Of The Year: No. I really want to sell them. Do you know anyone who might want to buy them?
MP: Maybe. I'll ask. How much do you want for the pair?
AOTY: I want $100. If you haul them off and sell them I'll give you some money.
MP: *shrugs*
AOTY: Tell you what - if you'll sell them for me, I'll give you five dollars.


Maintenance took the W/D and sold it, dutifully bringing back the $100. Asshat of the Year didn't pay them the five bucks.


The cynic knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.


What is up with someone who can so rudely misuse people and then screw them out of the obscenely pitiful amount he pledged to give them for their efforts? Actually, I think the offer of $5 for hauling off his unwanted old crap was more insulting than the fact that he didn't pay them. Better not to have offered at all.


Once a woman came to look at an apartment, saw AOTY on the property and told me a story about how he was in her store trying to dicker more money off on some $300 orange pants that were discounted 90%. He was enraged that the clerk wouldn't lower the price, and demanded to speak to the manager, who also was like: "that's the price, dude."

He paid the $30, and to the swank OOBER-hepcats running that chic boutique he's eternally branded as the most inveterate cheapskate of losers. She told me to call her back when that guy moved away, because she really wanted to live there, but didn't need the drama.
Good call, I'd say.
You have to feel sorry for someone like that- it must be very lonely to be unable to value other humans out of simple decency. How wretched to make everything about screwing someone out of a penny or two. Seeing someone like that who was obviously reared by jackals and rattlesnakes, I feel pretty humbled and privileged for the upbringing I received. I was already proud of that, but it's nice to be reminded. I should send him a thank you card.

16 comments:

Lin said...

OMG, I think I might have dated AOTY on a bad rebound. My bosses and friends all slapped me on the back with high fives when I got rid of him. My dog detested him ... that should have told me something sooner.
Later, I found a whole state of them but it did help me make the move to this desolate canyon.

Lin said...

Oh ... and my recent window insulation project had the windows looking like that car when the stuff finished expanding. Good thing it cuts easily with a razor blade - that was a very unsettling bulbous surreal effect.

Christina LMT said...

Phlegmmy, don't cast aspersions on his parents...some people are just like that!!

Feel sorry for his parents, if they are indeed decent people, because they must face the fact that they have THAT for a child...!

I can't even imagine.

Plus, I completely do NOT understand anyone that cheap. Do they feel some kind of rush when they squeeze a few bucks out of someone?

lainy said...

Send him some cookies as well. Some people are just outrages and embarrassing to the rest of us.

DBA Dude said...

Money grubbing fecker - the maintenance dude should have got 20% for helping him out and avoiding the prospect of eviction if he left them lying around.

The fact that he buys orange pants informs us a lot about his personality - asshole indeed.

phlegmfatale said...

lin - if your dog hated him, that's all you needed to know. Well, now you have an excellent neighbor like Slim, and I suppose that's all a person needs!

christina - I suppose that's possible, but it seems unlikely to me that this is not a learned behaviour. Feel sorry for his whole damned family, actually. Embarrassing. I wish I didn't know these things about people - I like to think the best of folks I know...

lainy - Yes, very embarrassing.

dba dude - perfectly stated!

DirtCrashr said...

I really hope the Maintenance guy sold them for more than that and kept the difference...but he sounds like an upright kinda Nice-guy and Asshole isn't.

Anonymous said...

Being an 'hole is bad enough but being an 'hole in orange pants? What corner does he hang on?

Zelda said...

He ought to be shot. I only hope that maintenance person sold those things for more than the hundred dollars and pocketed the rest.

Zelda said...

Oops. Looks like someone beat me to the profundity.

And good call to everyone pointing out the orange pants. On a dude who isn't famous.

phlegmfatale said...

dirtcrashr - yup- the real reward in life is not having to go through life BEING that asshole

myron - well, at least he announces his arrival from a long way off

zelda - oooh *squeal* can I watch? Let's hope so. Well, it was a clever instinct and deserved to be repeated!
Yup, unless you're Monty Hall or Bob Barker, ixnay on the orangeay antspay, itchbay.

alphonsedamoose said...

Your AOTY is not just a contender, I would say he is the winner of the award.

Hammer said...

Love that car. I bet it has a high safety rating!

Cheapasses I can't stand them they make every situation uncomfortable.

Xavier said...

You ain't kiddin' Phlegmmy! That guy needs an ass wgoopin of the year. Screwing folks who agree to help you is pretty darned low.

Let maintenance collect a sack of doggie doo to place in his fridge.

phlegmfatale said...

alphonse - I wouldn't argue with the academy if that was their decision

hammer - yeah - it's cool and squishy-looking, innit?
Yeah, cheapasses are SO annoying

xavier - he's batting 1000 on popular demand for his ass-whoopin'. Never mind maintenance and the doggie-doo- I was tempted to personally deliver an upper-decker.

Maven said...

Unfortunately for the MP, they can't decipher for themselves the difference between being kind or foolish. Serves them right for being screwed out of the five bucks!