Sunday, March 23, 2008


The layout of my building is Office/Workout Room/Bathroom, in that order. You'd think that a good 50 feet of remove from the bathroom would *ahem* cushion a person from the fallout of the (presumably) hideous depth-charges which are deployed in that locale. Thanks to over-achievers, that would be a big negatory, good buddy.

My first two years at the company, there was one employee who at least once per week unleashed a fury which inspired blasphemous thoughts. I always knew I was in trouble when he snatched the Dallas Observer(free local weekly paper) from the coffee table by the entry and headed for the back of the building. He invariably unleashed a roiling stench which made it through two substantial doors and one wall. Beastly. If I had to hazard a guess, I'd blame Burger King, because the words "flame" and "broiled" certainly came to mind on such occasions. Fortunately, the personnel in his department removed to another office a couple years ago, but I still recoil in horror at the memory.
I had to call in a technician for repair to a major system on property this week. The answering service spirited me to a voice mail system, and I was thinking it would be a day or two before I heard back from them. Oh well.
15 minutes later, the tech pulled up to my office. I was surprised and relieved the repairs wouldn't be back-shelved for days. Turns out, he was stuck in traffic on Stemmons, and just thought he'd pop on over. Before he got cracking on the repairs, though, he headed for the back of the building, and proceeded to set afoot an implacable stench. I quickly realized that the excuse of coming to my property had been a godsend for this guy, as he obviously must have been near-to-expiring with that dead animal trapped inside him as he languished in the traffic jam.
NOT to be critical, and you know mine smells like roses, but... I suppose gas and poop are like bratty children: everyone else's is way more repugnant than one's own.

10 comments:

Christina LMT said...

You poor thing! One's own is ALWAYS better.

Wouldn't it be nice if there were some kind of pills one could take, which would determine the "fragrance" of one's droppings?

"Hmmmm...I think today it'll be watermelon...or, how about cherry cheesecake?" Then public restrooms would smell like fine dining establishments, instead of open cess pits.

Turk Turon said...

I guess the spare roll goes under his hat. And is that a vest or a bra? Sheesh!

lainy said...

Men smell ever so much more than we ladies. Sorry you men, but it's true. I live with one who who has some ugly enough gas. I have been run out of my own bedroom a few times. Don't get me started when he poops.

Let's just say I keep a lot of air freshener's around.

I think it was really rude of that tech to pull that crap on you. No pun intended.

Myron said...

Spec ops on an old diesel boat. Running submerged for 30+ days. Only way to empty the sanitary tanks was to use air to blow the stuff overboard. Now instead of a tank full of crap and no pressure, you have a tank full of air with a bunch of pressure. What to do, what to do? Oh let's vent the shit tanks. And the pressure in the tanks has to be the same as in the people tank or you know what would happen when you open the flapper on the crapper. So how do you vent the shit tank and equalize the pressure? Why you open the vent valves and let the pressure bleed off into the people tank. And the shower may have a couple of days or more garbage piled up in it depending on where we were to add to the odors of 75 unwashed bodies, weeks of dirty laundry, diesel fuel, cooking aromas, etc to produce parfum de sous-marin.

Zelda said...

All I know is that mine has a rich, fruity odor, with an earthy aftersmell.

Jethro and I refer to his as "reducing the appraisal value [of the house]." I've been in real estate too long...

HollyB said...

Keep a box of Kitchen matches handy. They really DO help. The sulphur smell overpowers the stench.

Or find some Ozium. It's an ozone odor killer. Don't axe me why, I just know it works.

Four brothers, and a Daddy who liked to hold "Farting contests"; need I say more?

thud said...

you know we Brits just can't get enough of toilet humour...it seems this is something else we share over the water.

Lin said...

Good, so it's not just me then. Nothing negates the joy of a surprise visit (and relationship) for me more than the second sentence being "Oh hey, mind if I use your shitter?" as they fly past me.

Lin said...

Turk's comment got me to thinking - the little guy in the photo is a great roll model.

Anonymous said...

surely mgmt will approve installation of a 1000 cfm hi speed extractor in the odorous area?