Wednesday, December 12, 2007

At play in the fields of the weird...

Goober lawyer came into my office last week looking for his lawyer friend who lives on property. A true Social Inept, I could tell he thought he was going to do the big-swinging-lawyer routine for the dumb office-wench since he doesn't get around civilian females much and rarer still gets the chance to flex his superior brain-power. He picked up a publication from my table and started yammering about the election next year. In a sneeringly smug and pedantic monotone he made statements to the effect of I'm-regurgitating-the-minced-baloney-talking-points-we-all-got-from-Als-FrankenGore-because-enlightened-people-be-democrats-of-course and I just sat there. *blink*blink* When he ran out of breath at the end of his one-note samba about the idiocy of electing Republicans, he finally paused to ask me what I thought. I said, well, I'm actually more Libertarian than anything and he shot back with "why would you vote for Giuliani?" and I said "I wouldn't(and here's where I was off-to-the-races), and frankly, I can't imagine why liberal democrats have been so unhappy with George W Bush when he's been more liberal than Clinton and he's grown the government like a drunken-- well, like a Kennedy, and he's WAY too liberal." I said more, but I'm boring myself here.
Then he decided to retreat to a safe corner by saying "And what was with calling Reagan the great communicator? I just don't get that at all." The funny thing is that with each new tack he took, I could tell he was using what he thought were the sure-fire popular-with-the-ladies talking points, and he looked shocked. With the patience one uses to explain to a 2-year-old that the potty is, indeed, a chair they get to shit in, I splained him that after the bumbling international embarrassment of the Carter presidency, Reagan's bright-eyed optimism was a breath of fresh air and that he never lost that sheen, that he --like most Americans-- believed the greatness of America was not merely a thing of the past, and if you simply hammer people with a negative message constantly, eventually you will lose your audience entirely and Reagan was the antidote to that fire-and-brimstone political crap. I pointed out also that a lot of Dems were so stirred by RR's sincerity that they actually crossed the aisle.

He asked what I thought of Bush as a person and I said he seems likeable to me, and that I thought it was ironic that Dems accuse him of being so devious and sinister that he plotted 9/11 and yet they turn around and call him names and say he's a puppet for Cheney and you can't have it both ways-- simultaneously the dumbest and most canny person on earth. He said "I just don't like Cheney - something about him - he's so, so, so cynical."
I said "that's funny. You strike me as an extremely cynical person yourself-- do you think it's okay for you to be cynical but Cheney, having been vilified because people simply don't like him has no cause to be cynical?" Dude started sorta sputtering and I was done. I let him dribble all over himself as I stared very hard at words on a page and he finally sorta shuffled out the door.

Next time I have to go through that crap, though, I'm going to make it interesting for myself. I'm going to don my best apocalyptic-white-trash persona and in what might fairly be called the rape of the Engrish language, I'm going to find the most ignernt way of agreeing with them as possible and going one step beyond. I'll suggest concentration camps for conservatives and that we inspect everyone's home to make sure no one has the old-style lightbulbs or polluted indoor air or lead paint. I want them to question what is so very wrong with liberal Democrats that my unschooled ass could be one. Because straight-up logic simply doesn't work, obviously, and no doubt he's completely convinced of my ignorance now.

I prefer harmonious interaction with people (even those with whom I disagree as well as the occasional monkey) and I intensely dislike conflict, but if someone will keep pushing and not reading these obvious signals, then they'd better come correct, because I'm bringing my A-game and I'm not in the custom of losing arguments, not even to platitude-spouting attorneys.

Sorry. Another one of my rambles. I forgive myself, and hope you will as well.
Anyhoo. Have a great day.

11 comments:

DBA Dude said...

Now I would pay money for a ringside seat at you doing "apocalyptic-white-trash persona".

Took The World's Smallest Political Quiz last week and scored 100% on personal and 80% on economic.

Myron said...

How can it not be a great day now after you telling us how you bitch slapped a liberal lawyer who was so well programmed by the dims?

Attila The Mom said...

Oh to be a fly on the wall.... ;-)

Buck Pennington said...

I can SO relate to this story, Phlegmmy!

It's a great good thing I don't get out that much anymore, and most especially good that I don't have a workplace to hang out in. Coz my LAST workplace was in SFO and was 98.3% populated with Liberals, as one might expect, given the location. The salient thing about Lefties is they simply cannot, under ANY circumstances, keep their liberal dogma out of the conversation, any conversation.

I, too, would lurve to be a fly-on-your-wall when you launch the "apocalyptic-white-trash persona." Woo-eee, THAT would be GOOD!

J.R.Shirley said...

"I'm going to don my best apocalyptic-white-trash persona and in what might fairly be called the rape of the Engrish language, I'm going to find the most ignernt way of agreeing with them as possible and going one step beyond. I'll suggest concentration camps for conservatives and that we inspect everyone's home to make sure no one has the old-style lightbulbs or polluted indoor air or lead paint. I want them to question what is so very wrong with liberal Democrats that my unschooled ass could be one. Because straight-up logic simply doesn't work, obviously, and no doubt he's completely convinced of my ignorance now."

I like it. I mean, I don't like that there are people out there who that might be the most effective strategy for, but if it works...

John

Arthur said...

"I'm going to find the most ignernt way of agreeing with them as possible and going one step beyond."

To really sell it you'll have to make sure to eye him suspiciously, start asking pointed questions and suggest that, as party members go, he sounds slightly...disloyal. A stooge for that evil BushCheneyMcHilterBurton perhaps?

:)

DirtCrashr said...

LOL you kick ass and we forgive you in advance to do it again.

lainy said...

You go girl! Wish I could've been a fly on the wall!!!

Becky said...

I have these type of people all around me in Seattle, since it's such a liberal area. I fully admit that I walk the middle, but tend to vote Republican b/c of the taxes/military issues, though I really will vote for the person each time.

But, I can't count how many times I've been in groups where people make these comments about Republicans and Bush that are really rather rude and uncalled for, yet they ASSUME that everyone in the room is a card-carrying Democrat no matter what, so that makes it okay to talk that way. It's kind of funny when they learn that I tend to vote R b/c they're like "oh, I didn't know that they could be cool" or some crap like that. Or, once I explain my rationale, they admit that it makes sense and will even agree that Democrats haven't put up anyone worth voting for either. I also remind them that Republicans were the ones that were anti-large government and that's also what I believe in.

Zelda said...

How you had the patience is beyond me. But I've found liberal male lawyers ridiculously easy to trounce. They underestimate us every single time.

The Atavist said...

It can be great sport to eviscerate buffoons. Sounds like you are pretty good at that.