Thursday, January 10, 2008

A friend once said "once you hit 40, all that stuff starts breaking down." Considering the rules don't apply to me in other areas, I smugly thought "not me, man. I'm different. I'm special." Anyway, this food poisoning coupled with the pneumonia thingie has me questioning my own immortality. Let's move on to the more-pleasant topic of the flaws of others:

Wednesday featured this gem in which a guy shoplifted hunting knives by concealing them in his pants, but fell and ended up stabbing himself. The article did say his wounds weren't life-threatening, but I wonder if he is still reproductively viable? Then again, in our culture, injuries which rendered him impotent would probably be termed "life-threatening," oui?

By the way, I'm loving that MSNBC has a news sub-heading entitled "criminal weirdness." No doubt, they're never short of news in that section of the site.
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Weekend At Bernie's Chapter 47.5: Two retirement-age fellows wheel their dead roomie on an office chair over to the local check-cashing storefront to cash his check. They woulda got away with it, too, if it weren't for those nosy kids.
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Bitchy, much?

If anyone tells you there are more vicious tabloids in the world than those of the British stripe, don't believe them.

Witness this bit of soft-balling in which 51-year old Kim Cattrall is soundly thrashed for having (shock! horror!) cellulite, gently introduced by this headline: Cellulite and the city: Kim Cattrall's massive bikini bottoms fail to hide her dimpled thighs.

Somewhere along the middle of that production, I watched the occasional episode of Sex & The City. I wasn't a big fan, but I did like KC's character's brassiness, even if she was somewhat shocking occasionally. But ya know, whatever her characters have or haven't been- I think she looks hot enough for 51. Apparently, aging is an unforgiveable sin for the Hollywood elite. Maybe that's why there are so few American film icons who age gracefully, and maybe that's why so many American women are not going gently into that dark night. Don't cowgirl up, ladies: Judy Dench-up. That woman is gorgeous. Joan Plowright? Adorable. Be the age you are. As Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg so aptly put it: "Never be ashamed of who you are. You're warriors. Be proud."

Flip on over in the same day's Daily Mail to see 65 year old Britt Ekland get spanked over her "trout pout," a collagen-enhanced puss. The Bobo/Peter Sellers-era Britt Ekland was imho one of the prettiest things ever to come out of the entertainment industry. It's got to be difficult to be defined by such startling beauty and to then be subject to gravity and all that shit. Better to be known for something sustainable and, I dunno, maybe actually superlative in fact rather than over the happy accident of genetic roulette?

Of course, for me and all my fair readers, well, we are paragons of grace and beauty, and not subject to any of that unpleasantness, are we?

15 comments:

Hammer said...

I much prefer the look of women who let themselves age naturally.

All this botox and cologen, peels and such just look weird.

Squeaky Wheel said...


Of course, for me and all my fair readers, well, we are paragons of grace and beauty, and not subject to any of that unpleasantness, are we?


In theory.

pdb said...

Maybe I'm getting less picky in my old age, or maybe it's the novelty of seeing a woman unairbrushed and nonphotoshopped, but I'm declaring Ms Cattrall damn hawt. I'm positive that more than a few 40 or 30 year olds would happily swap shapes for hers.

Or maybe a woman confidently strutting her stuff without being hung up over insignificant flaws has a quality that is missing in an endlessly preening girl of the moment on an insecure quest for perfection.

I'm just sayin', guys, one of the above will suggest to use the living room furniture in unconventional ways, and the other will be fretting about her hair and makeup and does this make my butt look wide? Choose wisely!

pdb said...

Oh, and I would pay cash money a self-help book by Mr Zorg.

Myron said...

Since I have never been given to vanity (as one of my favorite sailors used to say "I yam what I yam") I have always appreciated natural beauty and the women who seem to not worry too much about a few wrinkles. Kathrine Hepburn comes to mind immediately. Lauren Bacall seems to be aging naturally as well.

DBA Dude said...

The Fifth Element is a great movie, one of my faves.

Our tabloids should come with a health warning - the new opiate of the masses.

You guys appear to get much whackier crime stories than we do over here - or maybe your criminal types are dumber than ours?

~Fathairybastard~ said...

On the knife theif, wouldn't that be a shame if he couldn't reproduce. Some folks should be encouraged to play with knives.

And on the other thing, yea, I always had a thing for Lauren Hutton. Still do. She's too cool. Beauty isn't just about how you look.

HollyB said...

We are only subject to that unpleasantness if we ALLOW ourselves to be. Since I've got a good 12 years on you, I can tell you it's a matter of attitude and wearing your years with pride and grace. I think I'd add Helen Mirren and Charlotte Rampling to your list of English Ladies who are ignoring the tabs and getting on with the business of living WELL!
I wish that our own beauties would ignore the current obsession with thinness and allow themselves to eat. I'm tired of looking at celeb females with silicone breasts,no hips and sticks for arms and legs.
Too many young women are becoming anorexic or bulemic in an attempt to emulate their favorite star. Therein lies the REAL tragedy.

Buck said...

re: Cattrall. I most certainly would. Twice. Or more. I found the Mail's pics highly stimulating, Phlegmmy, thanks for that!

My long-time Lust Object is Suzanne Pleshette, who only seems to get better as she ages. She was the sole reason I watched Bob Newhart back in the day. And she is STILL hot.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I am getting myself a wet suit. With any luck I'll look as great as Kim Cattrall.

Lin M. said...

I see some of these hollywood starlets on the planes and they look like Joan Rivers had a child with E.T. scary.

I'll keep up with the sunscreen but that's where it ends. .

Christina LMT said...

I've seen some pretty fake-looking women here at the spa, epecially ones with those hideous, ultra-white veneers.

Self-tanners come right off during the massage and leave disgusting little sloughed-off, dyed skin rolls everywhere.

And folks, people who tan have the WORST skin evar (and evar)!

I say sunblock for all, drink lots of water, try to eat healthy shit and get exercise (whatever is fun for you), and let the rest take care of itself.

DirtCrashr said...

Surfing is hard, and carrying a board on your head can be painful if the hair's gone south... At least she don't look like the beast, Donatella.

J.R.Shirley said...

"Never be ashamed of who you are. You're warriors. Be proud."

...and then, he gave them weapons without warning them the red button GO BOOM!

Becky said...

Kim Cattrall looks fabulous to me, and her body looked better in her late 40s than many women in their 20s. Unfortunately, we're just made to start sagging and dimpling -- and especially men. I'd love to see what those headline writers' asses look like!