A friend once said "once you hit 40, all that stuff starts breaking down." Considering the rules don't apply to me in other areas, I smugly thought "not me, man. I'm different. I'm special." Anyway, this food poisoning coupled with the pneumonia thingie has me questioning my own immortality. Let's move on to the more-pleasant topic of the flaws of others:
Wednesday featured this gem in which a guy shoplifted hunting knives by concealing them in his pants, but fell and ended up stabbing himself. The article did say his wounds weren't life-threatening, but I wonder if he is still reproductively viable? Then again, in our culture, injuries which rendered him impotent would probably be termed "life-threatening," oui?
By the way, I'm loving that MSNBC has a news sub-heading entitled "criminal weirdness." No doubt, they're never short of news in that section of the site.
Weekend At Bernie's Chapter 47.5: Two retirement-age fellows wheel their dead roomie on an office chair over to the local check-cashing storefront to cash his check. They woulda got away with it, too, if it weren't for those nosy kids.
If anyone tells you there are more vicious tabloids in the world than those of the British stripe, don't believe them.
Witness this bit of soft-balling in which 51-year old Kim Cattrall is soundly thrashed for having (shock! horror!) cellulite, gently introduced by this headline: Cellulite and the city: Kim Cattrall's massive bikini bottoms fail to hide her dimpled thighs.
Somewhere along the middle of that production, I watched the occasional episode of Sex & The City. I wasn't a big fan, but I did like KC's character's brassiness, even if she was somewhat shocking occasionally. But ya know, whatever her characters have or haven't been- I think she looks hot enough for 51. Apparently, aging is an unforgiveable sin for the Hollywood elite. Maybe that's why there are so few American film icons who age gracefully, and maybe that's why so many American women are not going gently into that dark night. Don't cowgirl up, ladies: Judy Dench-up. That woman is gorgeous. Joan Plowright? Adorable. Be the age you are. As Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg so aptly put it: "Never be ashamed of who you are. You're warriors. Be proud."
Flip on over in the same day's Daily Mail to see 65 year old Britt Ekland get spanked over her "trout pout," a collagen-enhanced puss. The Bobo/Peter Sellers-era Britt Ekland was imho one of the prettiest things ever to come out of the entertainment industry. It's got to be difficult to be defined by such startling beauty and to then be subject to gravity and all that shit. Better to be known for something sustainable and, I dunno, maybe actually superlative in fact rather than over the happy accident of genetic roulette?
Of course, for me and all my fair readers, well, we are paragons of grace and beauty, and not subject to any of that unpleasantness, are we?