Friday, April 21, 2006




Want to catch up on a bit of reading but don't have much time? Go to the
Book-A-Minute site and find out all you never knew you needed to know about the time-honored classics of literature, Sci-fi and children's stories. Makes Cliff notes look like dragged-out affairs.

Here's an overshare of my own. Things found embedded in my
dog's poop - foil yogurt lids, condoms, assorted candy wrappers and my long hair (from when it was long, and even my medium-length hair these days). The hair thing is disturbing, because the poop dangles by a hair that is still ensnared in her entrails, and I have to grab a leaf to wrap around it and pull it out of her bottom so she'll stop doing the crabby squat-walk because she's freaked out that something is dangling back there. OK. Next time I'll get a photo for you. You'll love it.
I used to know someone whose Doberman ate his mom's Isotoner gloves. Isotoner used to give a guarantee that if your gloves ever wear out, they'll replace them. Well, when the mangled gloves came out the other end, she baggied them up and sent it to the Isotoner folks, who promptly sent her a new pair. Nice to know some people still take pride in their workmanship and in the quality of their products!
You've got to admit that all this stuff is WAAAAY more fun than stepping on a hairball at 3am on the way to the terlit.

21 comments:

CP said...

My dog ate my fake nails once. His shit came out all full of french manicured nails. It was disturbing.

My husband looked at it and said...

"Damn babe. Your nails look like shit."

I'm still laughing.

CP.

Ranger Tom said...

Ugh... Hairballs. My ex's cat once gagged up a nice one on my chest while I was sleeping...

Funny, but that cat mysteriously dissapeared shortly after that incident.

nongirlfriend said...

Yes, it is. Sparky once consumed the tape from a video tape.

This is when I learned an important lesson in life: Never pull video tape from a dog's ass. I almost lost an arm.

P.S.: Sparky was fine. The vet x-rayed him and told me stories about cell phones and radios being swallowed. Ick.

nongirlfriend said...

Is that your furbaby? I can't tell the gender but it's precious!

Anonymous said...

Hairballs or no, cats rock. Little Grey Hair just brought the cutest little dead mouse.

phlegmfatale said...

cp - *LOL* Did you clean the fake nails up and re-use them? You should have taken a picture. Oh, I forgot to mention that doglet is in ecstasies when she hears the snip of the nail clippers - she comes running and gets hostile if she doesn't get to eat the trimmings.

ranger tom - nice to hear fates trumped that evil cat.

nongirlfriend - yes, that's my doglet Valentine, a 14.5 year old Jack Russell Terrorist. She's a little old lady now and sleeps alot these days, but she's still a super-cute bitch. I'm in love with my dog, it doesn't show, does it? wow - video tape? how freaky? I'm imagining a re-working of the spaghetti scene from Lady & The Tramp. Glad everything came out alright in the end. Seems like that could cut up a doggie's innards. I thought that about foil yogurt lids, but oh well.

It's like I always say: "That which doesn't kill me, tastes great."

ok, sister, I'm glad you're enamored of the hairball experience, since Little Grey Hair is about to have kittens and you're going to have more hairballs and scratched-up kids - please God -no eye injuries for niece or nephew. Before it's all over, you'll wish you had her plumbing and the evil babies yanked while you still had the chance.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

It's fun when my cat eats rubber bands. The stretchy poo drives her nuts!

LJ said...

Only my favorite bloggers write about cleaning their dog's poop. Have you met Marigoldie? You guys need to talk shop.
Although both of you have a way to go before you're actually running competition with our favorite T.Cruise.

Liz said...

Molly once ate a safetly razor. Blade and all. Didn't bother her a bit. She's also eaten an entire pair of panties. And barfed up the elastic at 3am. Thank God we kennel her at night.

phlegmfatale said...

barbara - that is hilarious - funnier than tape on cat paws. Do you think some folk feed their cats rubber bands on purpose?

lj - well, does this mean I've entered the hallowed ranks of your favorite bloggers? If so, WOOHOO! No, haven't met her, but if she talks dog poo, I like her already!

liz - Molly - what a gal! Safety razor. Amazing. Maybe that's how the waistband came off the panties in her gut, ya think? What an over-achiever!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Feed their cats rubber bands on purpose? hmmm definite party piece possibilities there...

phlegmfatale said...

yeah, and then film it and get it on america's most demented videos. Sounds heavenly!

nongirlfriend said...

Ha, Jack Russell Terrorist!

phlegmfatale said...

you got it - she's a force of nature, is my little bitch!

Attila The Mom said...

Jack Russell--that explains it all!

My SIL had one (may he rest in peace). He brought home a groundhog that was bigger than he was!

My step-mother's Lhasa Aphsa (otherwise known as the Loopsy Arsehole) ate an entire tester tube--almost toothpaste size--of Mary Kay Really Red lipstick from the 70's. Crapped little red turdlets all over the house.

She thought he was bleeding to death.

How in the world did the pup get a hold of condoms? ick

Becky said...

Ha! You are too funny. I guess that's one good thing about having such little dogs in that they really can't eat too much wierd shit (or maybe I'm just lucky in that they don't).

phlegmfatale said...

attila t.m. - WOW - a groundhog??? Alive or dead? Now THAT is impressive! I just love that terrier spirit. Ew, little greasy red lipstick turdlets sound revolting - your poor stepmom.

condoms? I'm going to claim innocence on that one.

becky - well, even if little, a JRT can still stir up a mighty big mess. They think BIG!

Ms. M said...

Is that a Jack Russell Terrier you have? Mine has the same problem. I think my hair is in her poo because so many times I see her squat walking with poo hanging from what appears to be thread, hair, something like that. Freaky!

phlegmfatale said...

Yup, JRT! I'm glad to hear it's not just me and my dog that have this issue, plus I don't mind having things in common with your fabulous trashy self, ms.m

It's Me, Maven... said...

Isotoner ROCKS!

Hey, I posted a while back about my dog eating my panties... perhaps you'll want to take a peek?

http://thoughtnuggets.blogspot.com/2005/01/musings-on-underpants.html

phlegmfatale said...

ooooh, scary!