Tuesday, January 16, 2007


For many years I didn't even have a television. In my early 20s, dad gave me a big tv and I would turn it on and listen to it while I cooked, cleaned and sewed. I swear I listened to Bagdad Cafe about 20 times. One day I noticed the screen was black - the picture tube had gone out. (Yeah, it had TUBES!) No telling how many hours I'd been listening to a blank tv. Anyway, I continued to use it to listen whilst puttering around the apartment, keeping the tv permanently on The Movie Channel. When I moved out of that apartment, the tv did not come with.

Then in the early 90s at a junk store for $25 I got a little Panasonic Orbitel TR-005 tv with about a 5" screen, and occasionally I'd watch Marshall Dillon on it at 2AM, the tv light mingling zenlike with the purple light of neon, filling my 16' ceilinged loft with a charming post-modern glow. Marshall Dillon was a great show, the black&white 30 minute predecessor to Gunsmoke. I still have this space-egg television and it still works, but the sound is wonky and unreliable these days. Still, it was a groovy way to have a tv without getting on the whole large-screen-and-cable bandwagon. It suited me.

When wed in 1994, husband came replete with a huge television, and I quickly filled the void of my now-thwarted social life with television. Lots and lots of television. I've always been a movie buff, so I saw every movie I'd longed to see, and then some. Some of them many, many times.

A new kind of tv addiction has sort of crept up on me, though, and it's been making me uneasy for quite some time.

I have developed the shameful habit of watching awards shows. I'm chagrined to admit all the crap I sat through without the benefit of Tivo or DVR. I did get a DVR about a year ago, and it's made award shows less soul-killing, but still, something in me hates myself for watching such vapid inanity. The sycophantic interviews on the way in, the utter lack of irony-- it's all just too embarrassing. Why does watching this mess make me want to pass around anonymous ugly notes about celebrities? Because all of Hollywood functions on a developmental level that the rest of us outgrew in junior high.

Anyway, this whole screed is by way of telling you of my breakthrough moment: I didn't set the DVR for the Golden Globes tonight, and I didn't watch or DVR any red carpet coverage. First I foreswore Vanity Fair and now I'm weaning off awards shows? Sounds like I'm on the right path-- the path to recovery.

Instead of watching tv Monday night, I DID go shop for underwear and I bought a $400 Eileen Fisher sweater for $94 - that was a sign I was doing the right thing! Anyway. I'm celebrating.

As for tv that IS worth watching, I have no intention of stopping.

Top Chef is winding down. Speaking of embarrassing oneself, Marcel had a solipsistic def (deafening) poetry slam for one on last week's episode. I'm sick of Elia. I'm pretty much sick of everyone except Ilan and Sam, and that's only because they've pretty much kept their mouths shut the whole season. It looks as though something seriously nasty is going to happen on next week's show. I'm betting Cliff lopped off some of Marcel's hair in his sleep, and then to do penance and try not to be kicked off for being total 'tards, Cliff and accomplice(s) will shave heads/ dye hair ridiculous colors, etc. I think it will be ugly.

HBO's new season of Rome kicked off to a rollicking start Sunday night. Young Octavian, who will be Caesar Augustus and whose rule was the dividing line between the Roman Republic and the Roman Empire, is showing his smarts as Rome is in a shambles following the murder of his great-uncle Julius. Valiant Lucius Vorenus mourns the death of his beloved wife, and his friend from the 13th Legion Titus Pullo helps him pull himself together.

This series is shot on location at Cinecitta studios in Rome, and they doubtless have a phalanx of historians assuring accuracy of detail from everything as broad as common architecture down to details of personal adornment and social mores. It amazing how casually Romans treated the conventions of sexual intercourse. There are always servants handy to re-fill a glass or whatever while a couple is, er, uh... coupling. Also, there don't seem to be a lot of characters who demand exclusivity from their romantic partner. For example, before attending the funeral of Julius, Marc Antony demands sex of his lover, Atia- niece of Julius. He says he's never had sex with a woman in a funeral dress before and she informs him he's not about to either. He says he must have sex and will not leave the bed until he does. She turns to her servant and says "fetch him that German slut from the kitchen." Well. OK.

[In a broader sense, I think it is interesting and instructive to consider how the permissiveness of a society in one area can be indicative of moral laxitude in other areas. I think people of the West would be well-served to consider the example of the Roman Empire a cautionary tale for the way a society rots and crumbles from within. I'm just sayin'...]

Anyway, Octavian masterminds a way to stay in Rome and gain the upper hand on Brutus and the other murderers. Clever boy.

Lucius' children are kidnapped by a ruthless mobster prototype, and Pullo helps him rip, shred and tear his way through a bordello-type joint to get to the mobster, then neatly relieving said mobster of the burden of his head. Yes, I expect there will be much kicking of ass in Rome this season.

Goody goody gum drops.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

congrats on the sweater.

Your TV story was amusing. I couldn't imagine life with a tubeless TV!

Anonymous said...

Ok, I was hoping for a review of the first episode of Rome, which I understand from sis was a barn burner. Heads a rollin'. Our boys slew 'em like champs?

The little TV is cool as hell. I used to want one like that back in the day, and that little round radio on a chain. Remember that? And the 8-track tape player where the tape went in the side and it had this plunger handle thing on top that changed the tracks. Aaaaa, the seventies ruled.

I also used to watch Bagdad Cafe over and over in the late 80s or so. Some channel, maybe AMC, had it on a regular cycle for a while. Haven't seen that ne in ages.

Worked as a secuity guard/night watchman at the Colonial in Ft. Worth back then. Used to watch reruns of Rawhide and Rout 66 on Nick-at-Nite. Loved that job, for a while.

Anonymous said...

I had a 9" black and white TV I got when at 9 and that was my TV until I was married, We didn't get cable till 94 then we became junkies.

I don't watch award shows either, they are so phoney.

Anonymous said...

Our best experience with TV: in the summer of 2002 we redid the living room rather extensively, so all electronic stuff were unplugged and stacked in the corner of the kitchen for over a month. Boy, did we read a lot, and talk a lot. In addition to working on the room.

I watch hideously long hours of TV; some (but not all) crime shows, American family (Mom, Dad, kids, dog) sitcoms, and docos, docos, docos. And we don't have cable. In Nelson there are only 3 channels that work all the time, and 3 more depends-on-the-time-of-day-and-weather channels. And I still manage to watch hours. Since around August, I've swapped that with blogs.

Say, Phlegmmy, sorry about that other rant. I've been rather miffed for the last couple of days on the issue, but on close examination of all the daily city blogs that have multiple hosts, two cities currently have the same blog name, and another did until recently. Though they weren't as similar as our case, e.g. url AND email AND the blog name, I decided to let it go, not be petty, and grow up a bit. Thank you for letting me bend your ear; it may now go back to the regular, upright position.

phlegmfatale said...

lightning bug's butt - *L* Thanks - I've already clocked several hours in me new sweater, and I plan to wear it daily until I'm sick of it. Or until it's shorts-and-flip-flop weather again. Like, maybe next week.

fathairybastard - I posted the first part of the post before I'd finished composing it all - the Rome analysis is up there now. Not too much detail, but it is an entertaining episode. Yup , it's a super-cool tv. I also have several of those chain-and-ball radios, called "panapets." Cute. I should photograph them sometime for you.

hammer - I love the way you stick with what you like. It's too easy to be a tv junkie. And yes, award shows = total phoney baloney

meg - That's great, to tune out utterly for a while. I feel more peaceful and tranquil when I don't watch/read/or listen to the news. :) I love documentaries, too, and when I'm working on jewelry (not on the torch - then I'm blasting music) I am always listening to tv. Because I need to watch what I'm doing with the jewelry, I love listening to more verbose films--pretty much anything with Emma Thompson floats my bobber. I even like Nanny McPhee, as much of a silly-fest as it is.

And no need to apologize about the "rant" thing - I thought you were very composed and well-behaved--much moreso than I would have been from a straight-up rip-off. When I started my Dallas Diorama blog, I found another couple had a Dallas blog. They seemed to try to take arty photos and photos of slick and new things about town, and I wanted to show the mundane and banal as well, and even the gritty underside if I found it interesting. I pretty much avoid going there at all because I would hate to feel inhibited about posting something because they had already done it. Besides, I've been running around this city by myself, loving the crap out of it for about 24 years, and I think I might know more about this town that its average citizen. (don't you hate the way I lack confidence, sometimes!?!) I think it's natural to feel somewhat territorial about this, and I think there's no question that person was doing something imitative, which I suppose IS a flattering thing. But I'll tell you one thing that is in no doubt - she'd have to go a long way to put forth a blog half so lovingly described and well-photographed as you and Ben have done - no small feat.

Just Another Old Geezer said...

Good deal on the sweater, kiddo. Sounds like you know how to do it.

As for award shows, Mrs Myron watches 'em all. And we don't even know half the people anymore. At least she watches them on ReplayTV and zips through a lot of the crap.

I watch a bunch of TV. A lot of it is stuff she likes and I probably wouldn't watch without her. I do have a few programs I watch that she doesn't like. And now Jack's back. Damn, he wasn't off the plane 45 minutes and he bit a terrorist in the neck, severed his jugular and got the keys to the handcuffs off him. All while chained to a chair. I believe he might even be able to teach Uma a thing or two.

Anonymous said...

Phlegmmy, I once tried listening to Gilmore Girls while fringing, and caught myself stopping work because I had to listen so carefully. Besides, I like the interior of houses in that show anyway, not the chatter (there has to be another word for what THEY do) so that was that.

Re. the DP, I think my lack of confidence makes me jittery - we don't have local knowledge (after 10 years, lazy sods!) and have gotten a few things wrong in the past. Ben doesn't worry - he's doing this for the photos, and he's a bloke. But not checking hers out may be the best advice on the matter. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Ha!

After a lifetime of normal sized tv's my husband brought a big screen into my life. After it finally broke, I thought we'd get a more sensible size.

Um no.

This one is even bigger. So big, it's kinda embarrassing.

And no, it's not a compensation size wise ;) but it is a pain in the arse.

Anonymous said...

Oh phlegmmy, phlegmmy, it wasn't a moral decline that undid the Romans. It was Krouts. Hordes of Krouts. Millions of pissed off sausage eaters driven out of their own homelands by Huns from the East, coming across the border in uncontrollable waves and not becoming Roman. Next thing you know Western Europe is divided up between half a dozen Germanic kingdoms and the empire in the West collapses. The Eastern half lasted till the mid 15th century, and they were shtuppin' servant girls too.

The thing you've got to remember is that people in the classical world had a MUCH different attitude towards sex and death and everything. Society was constructed completely around the desires of wealthy men, and a man was considered a man no matter who or what he chose to have sex with, even a little boy. The distinction was related to who was doing the penetrating and who or what is being penetrated. The golden rule was, so long as you're pitching, you're strait. The reason why people like Nero were vilified was because they were playing the female role.These people had pictures of different sexual positions decorating their walls the same way we put up pictures of flowers. Go to Pompeii some time and you'll see it, all over the place. Statues of gods with ridiculously exaggerated phalluses, all over the place. They didn't see it as dirty. it was just life. These are the same people who watched men and a few women fight to the death in the arena. Just a different time. And savants, even in antebellum America, were trained to be invisible. I' mean, you don't mind having sex in front of your washing machine, right? They objectified these people absolutely so that they could fuck them over completely. The legacy of that objectification is what we're still dealing with now, in race relations.

The two powerful women you see in the show are rare phenomenon's, with power based on vast wealth and manipulating weak minded men. I think the producers want us to think that women like that in history really ran things behind the scenes. Who knows. Thing is, the men , like Octavian, are the head of the family have the power to kill everyone and nothing can be done about it. Absolute male power is what Roman culture was all about.

I can't wait to see that damn show. I think it's gonna be like Deadwood, getting better and better with each season. And there's an ENDLESS amount of material to take from. They can take it all the way through the Julian line. Imagine what HBO'll do with Caligula and Nero? Woof.

phlegmfatale said...

myron - Thanks - I'm enjoying my new sweater at this very moment. Good for you for letting Mrs. Myron enjoy her television - I can imagine it would be nice to have someone to watch shows with, Yeah, even awards shows. I hope you had a blast watching the return of Jack on Sunday and Monday nights.

meg - in 10 years you have your OWN history with Nelson, and I defy anyone to say otherwise. I wouldn't have a problem with someone setting up something remotely similar, but in this case, the likeness is beyond the pale. Yup, take the high road and avoid the other.

blog whore - Yup, bigger is, well, bigger. *sigh* Bigger is more furniture to dust.

fathairybastard - That was most illuminating - thanks for schooling me! Yes, this show is fantastic. I hope it runs for a while. Very entertaining.
Speaking of manipulative women pulling the strings behind the scenes, did you ever see or read "I, Claudius" on PBS? Superb series. Lots of cunning women in that lot.

Anonymous said...

Oh my God, I LOVED that show. Can You Imagine a no holds barred HBO version of that? I've been a huge junky of everything Roman for as long as I can remember. Back in the 70s, John Hurt a Caligula was just a child. George Baker as Tiberius. Wonderful.

When I was in England in the late 60s they had kids shows about the period when the Romans were in Britain that had me totally mesmerized. My mom used to buy me little plastic Roman soldiers, about two inches high, some on horseback. I still have a few of those in the attic. You could take the weapons and shields out of their hands. You can't find anything with quality manufacturing like that today. Seriously, I've looked.

Their whole world has always captivated me. You can imagine what a huge charge it was for me to go to Rome and Pompeii at about 8 or 9. That was it. I was hooked. Did you ever see that cool thing the history channel did last year on reconstructing Rome? It was wild.

Last time I went there, on the ships in the early 90s, I acted as a tour guide for a few folks. Took a few guys from one ship to Pompeii and Herculaneum, and a few from another to the Pantheon, the Vatican, and a few other places in Rome. THAT was a lot of fun.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I too married into television, but it never really took with me. I've got my standards - currently My Name is Earl, the Office and of course South Park. All the intellectual programs.

Some Romans might be just what I need for those winter doldrums...