Monday, October 06, 2008

I have failed you. Truly I have.



I forgot to remind you that we are celebrating my birth month, and now you only have two days to shop and get your prezzies to me without looking like a schmuck. I promise not to judge you too harshly if your prezzie gets here on the 9th or the 10th, instead. Mean it.



I know what you're thinking: you're thinking I want to do something special for phlegmmy, to make a difference on this planet in honor of the day of birth she shares with Sigourney Weaver, Jessie Jackson, Chevy Chase, Matt G and C-Jay Ramone, something ecologically sensitive that improves the planet for everyone, something like Squirrel Underpants. Nuh-unh! No way. THIS day is mine, dagnabbit. Yes, it IS in fact, all about me. We require gifties.



Let me tell you what I want, what I rilly rilly want:



Remote control hopping, yodelling lederhosen. LURVE these. They are made all the more delicious by the fact that the remote is a knockwurst. More like knockbest, baby! HYUK! I love them so much. If you don't buy them for me, I'm going to have to buy them for myself. Don't make me do it. Step up to the plate.

I figure if every other one of you sexy people who read my blog daily ponies up a pair of these puppies for me, then I'll have a baker's dozen. That's practically a fleet, in lederhosenese.

In my lonely room at night, I'll line up little Radio City-style revues of my 13 yodelling Lederhosen(s? nen? innerinen? Crap! I've lost all me German!) to entertain me. I'll deftly man the remotes and sometimes I'll be the girl in the gingham dress, and sometimes I'll be the guy behind the green curtain. It'll be heaven.

Wait-- did I mention it's me birfday this week?
*nodding vigorously*

14 comments:

Joseph said...

An entire platoon of Lederhosen?? Interesting idea...I have a real pair, green leather and all. Of course, I haven't been able to fit into them since I was seven. If I put them on, likely you would here me "yodeling" all the way up in Dallas!!

Anonymous said...

Oh, and Happy Birthday, my dear!! Allow me to plant a birthday kiss on your cheek (um, the ones on your face)...hm, maybe another, and another...sorry, got carried away!!


Happy Birthday!! Many happy shoes!!

lainy said...

Happy Birthday,Phlegmmy! :-)

HollyB said...

Well, Dear LaP, count me OUT on the lederhosen. You already know what MY offering to the Goddess of Shoes and JRTs is. It's waiting for your participation.

Anonymous said...

I checked with Biden and he said the correct term would be Lederhosneiacs, then he said duh, everybody knows that. Happy Birthday, sis! A

Peter said...

That knockwurst does, indeed, resemble an adult toy . . .

;-)

phlegmfatale said...

joseph - you yodeling in too-teeny lederhosen sounds like a wonderful floorshow, actually. Let me know when tickets go on sale. And thanks for the birthday shoe-wishes! :)

lainy - thanks, babe! Tell me again on the 8th-- it'll still sound fresh to me!

holly b - can't wait, hon.

A - well, Biden would know!

Lawks, Peter! You shock me!

Zelda said...

Many Happy Returns, Phlegmmy.

I must admit I've never been solicited for the purchase of such an interesting birthday present.

Buck said...

Hey! You and my SN2 share the same b-day! I hope ya get at least ONE pair of lederhosen w/matching wurst-remote day after tomorrow. Once again: it's only right!

I sense an issue with the remotes here, tho, should you get your wish for a fleet. The outcome could be verrrry interesting, as ol' Arte Johnson would have said, once upon a time.

Somerled said...

Happy birthday. Where does one find such gifts? Have you signed up for an online gift registry.

If I had 13 yodeling lederhosen, the rat terrier Roy Rascal would require heavy sedation.

phlegmfatale said...

zelda - Thanks! tee hee!

buck - well SN2 must be a wonderful human being! well, as I said, I am prepared to buy my own, if need be!

somerled - Where does one find them? I know people who Know People. *wink* I'm very good at ferreting these things out, you know. Yup, the terrorista would lose her mind, indeed. She's already halfway there.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I hope you get an ARMY of dancing lederhosen for your birthday! Because if anybody deserves them, you do, baby!

SpeakerTweaker said...

I've got this strange visual of a bunch of lederhosen dancing in unison with some strange Burlesque tune playing in the background...

'Iss bedtime for me. I been up too long.



tweaker

Joseph said...

You are welcome, Phlegmmy. As for the floor show...hmmm, I live in SA. But it would take me a few hours to get into the lederhosen, so maybe I can just yodel?? And I'd have to find the cap with a feather in it...:)