Thursday, March 11, 2010

Doth the lady protest too much?

Monday I had a question regarding a legal concern. A co-worker directed me to the "queen" who is in charge of such questions. I'll call this queen Jane.

Papers in hand, I sashayed over to her office, poked my head in, waited for her to get off the phone. She turned her withering gaze upon me and I held up the papers and said "I have a question." Says she "you mean you didn't come all the way over here just to see me?" Given the obvious drollery of this comment, I decided to play along. "Actually, I secretly longed for an excuse to come here." She said "that is so disgusting. I feel sick."

*blink* *blink*

I laid my palm on my heart, knitted my brow and dropped a stitch, then said "you wound me, madam."

She picked up the phone and called my boss. (remember the boss I give surprise gifts to from her beloved Edward? Yes, her. Love her. She's fab.) I heard my boss' voice from the other end of the phone and Jane said "uh, your girl over here said she's been secretly longing to come and see me and I started gagging. Tell your girl why I'm gagging." She handed the phone to me.

When she had recovered from laughing, my boss said "Jane is violently homophobic."

Um. I didn't know that me playing along with what SHE started implied that I was making a play for her.

Mind you, she IS a very attractive woman, but, uh, she's not my type.

Later, my boss was laughing to me about the whole sordid encounter, because my she knows that I was bantering --like you do-- and had no romantic designs on Jane. Boss Lady thought this was tremendously funny, because we work in a place which celebrates diversity. As we talked, a couple other sups who shared in Boss Lady's amusment came along and joined in the merriment. One person speculated that I may have offended Jane by coming to her office looking as good as I did that day. *hee!* I said that though I would never set my cap at Jane, she is a very sexy woman, and I always envisioned her in a Nurse Ratched get-up with the starched cap and white stockings ever garlanded with the severe, humourless expression. This set them off on new peals of laughter.

Boss said that made the whole thing even better, and that she was going to tell all the other supervisors. I said "no! don't! Then she'll really be laying for me." At that point, I stopped digging and walked away.

I'm so glad I didn't mention the bit about the leather nun outfit. ;P

6 comments:

Jon said...

Using your past posts as reference, I'm thinking the wheels have started turning. This is an opportunity that will require ingenuity and a wikedly shrewd sense of humor.

I'll sit and let my feet hang down, while I wait in anticipation.

Anonymous said...

Um. Sounds like she might already be laying for you.....
Elsewhere PhD.

D.W. said...

I'm off to make popcorn; this might prove most entertaining. :-)

I may have missed a post along the way, but did Boss Lady ever figure out that you were responsible for the "gifts from Edward?"

Old NFO said...

Heh- THis is gonna be a fun one :-) Waiting for chapter two!

phlegmfatale said...

Jon - hee. It should be interesting, to say the least.

Elsewhere - I shudder to think, and not in a good way.

D.W. - Hyuk! See tomorrow's post re: Boss Lady's continuing romance with Edward.

Old NFO - I'm a little nervous, actually. This will be a test in diplomacy, indeed.

Christina LMT said...

What?! You've found somebody else?! I thought you reserved all your sapphic love for me...

My heart is crushed.