I'm concerned about a friend of mine. She's obsessed with shoes. In a fit of pique she vowed last September not to buy any shoes until 2009. She stuck with that vow, and even though her first purchase of 2009 was a sensible pair of shoes, I wasn't fooled for a minute. In recent years, she's spent the equivalent of some lesser-developed nations' military budget on play-pretties for her feet. I'm worried her mortal soles are in peril.
She once stuck to finely crafted, well-wrought shoes with very classic lines and impressive pedigrees, but lately her tastes have run to gladiatrix space hooker. *shudder* Recently she actually tried on a pair of orange patent leather platform clodhoppers with lucite heels that would have scandalized RuPaul. Srsly. She cooed and fondled these horrors publicly, and I 'bout dropped my transmission when she put them back on the shelf, dismissing them as "impractical." What is to be done with such a one?
Just yesterday she acquired this obnoxious pair of platform Mary Janes from Dolce Vita. How do I reel her in, Abby? How do I persuade her that her footie thing is a cry for help, that she should eschew the nosebleed platforms, come back to earth and heel herself?