Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Feast your eyes on this heart-warming tale of a NASA astronaut stalker-chick.

She was apparently married with children, but was carrying on some sort of affair with a male astronaut ("more than friendship" but "less than romantic") and she turned into a total bunny-boiler. The guy apparently was having a relationship with another woman, so the nut-case drove 1000 miles from Texas to Florida to confront her rival. Intent on making good time on the road, she wore diapers rather than stop for potty breaks. ew. How's that for a calling card to leave in your automobile for investigators to find?

Blah blah blah, the story goes, but what struck me as most bizarre is this bit at the end of the article about the object of her affections - the Michael Douglas to her Glenn Close:

A father of two children, Oefelein enjoys fishing, hiking and snowboarding,
according to his NASA biography. In December, Oefelein, 41, logged about 308
hours in space.


Now, is it just me, or does that read like a personals ad? It sounds like he's being introduced as a bachelor on The Dating Game. Oefelein likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. It also sounds like he's short one stalker now that what's-her-name has been arrested. Ladies: I think we should organize a mass-stalking. Let's converge on his next public event and throw our panties at him. Better yet - let's throw our Depends at him. He's gonna love us!

Honestly - where are publications finding these crap writers, and why don't they give me a job? I'd LOVE to be on The Daily Planet's dime when I chew pen-caps and twirl my hair through my fingers while I come up with the daily scribblings of my unquiet mind, and I promise I'll rein it in before I peg my schlock-meter. Where do I sign up?

16 comments:

Fathairybastard said...

Hilarious. And gross. Ew! Twisted and hilarious.

G Bro said...

I just caught that story on the CNN web page. Which has turned into total crap, by the way:

"Paris Hilton has Potty Mouth"
"Did Dahmer kidnap Adam Walsh?"
"Mod Squad Actor Dies"
"SF Mayor goes to rehab"
"Astronaut is psycho bitch"

Throw in a couple of alien babies, K-Fed dating Oprah and Kirstie Allie with anorexia and you'd have a REAL journalism.

Stop twirling your hair - you're distracting me.

G Bro said...

And don't forget:

"Teen dies during nose job"

Sheesh!

Myron said...

Well, I for one am happy to see that 2 of my favorites, Nick Nolte and Rip Torn aren't the only ones that look like warmed over crap in a police portrait.

HollyB said...

I always thought they did a psych screening on astronauts...hmm

Meg in Nelson said...

Bunny-Boiler? Never heard this one before; is this your own? And how sexy is it to show up at your rival's place in a diaper! That's going to convince Oefelein to pick her, not!

Myron said...

hollyb, having been psych screened prior to submarine duty my guess is the astronaut screening is similar. Are you claustrophobic, can you get along with fellow crew members when confined for long periods of time, etc. Not are you a sane, law abiding upright citizen. Well, she obviously got along with one fellow crew member, huh?

Leazwell said...

And these people vote.

Zelda said...

Better yet - let's throw our Depends at him

LMAO!!!

I am so there.

Fathairybastard said...

You know, it just occurred to me, the diaper thing might be something she got used to in space. I mean, they can't exactly drop trou whenever up there. Maybe after 200 someodd days in space she got used to crapping in her suit and thinks its more convenient.

Or, she's just a total flippin' nut case. Love, after all, IS a many splendored thing. Or so they say.

Christina said...

What I found most amusing about all this was my 15-year-old daughter's reaction. She wants to be an astronaut in the WORST WAY, and she said, "Great, now she's making all women astronauts look bad!"

Rabbit said...

(shudder)

bunnyboiler....



Regards,
Rabbit.

Myron said...

fhb, it was mentioned on the news down here in Houston that atronauts wear diapers during launch and landing. Guess it can scare the shit out of you, huh?

HollyB said...

update, from third degree of separation...My Fav Step has a Dtr who works for NASA. She says the hard drives of ALL involved will be likely be sent to HQ for "Study".
Yeah and I'll bet the Orlando DA is gonna have to get a FEDERAL subpoena to get transcripts of those hard drives, too.

Now this step and I got to joshing about this "Swordsman" and the lines he must have used on this astronaut. Wonder if some of them went like... "Come on Baby, let's do it for Science!" "It's a secret experiment, Specialist. The study of the difficulty of sexual intercourse in a weightless environment..." "Don't you Want to be a Member of the 18 mile high club?"
And then we decided that if the Gemini or Appolo astronauts had gone there before this guy and his partner(s), we really didn't want to know!
BTW, Phlegm, "bunnyboiler" that's a keeper, definitely gonna use that one.

Kim Carney said...

I swear to God, everytime I read your post, I laugh riotously, turn to D and say Rita is a fucking genious and should be writing for a living, someone needs you! "throw our depends on him" priceless. Now, I feel a little sorry for HER and think she should have tossed him into outer space ...

Andreea said...

lovely to discover your blog. thanks for visitng mine - laughed ou loud at this post!