Thursday, July 13, 2006
My dad has a brother, Wayne, who is a bit of a colorful character. Uncle Wayne and Dad were somewhere together recently and a huge hombre covered in tattoos and wearing big rings walked by. This guy had a massive knife in a sheath down the side of his leg, the bottom of which was tied around his thigh, like an old-timey gun holster. Uncle Wayne said to my dad "Look at that: he thinks he's gonna shit a bear and need to cut it loose."
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9 comments:
Your Uncle Wayne is a funny feller. Were they in Texas, though? Last I checked, here in Texas you can't carry anything over 5.5 inches.
Maybe he thought he was Crocodile Dundee?
ben heller - I asked my dad and he said the guy DID hear Wayne, but didn't appear angry OR amused. Oh, and I was mistaken about this having happened recently - it was about 10 years ago and the guy has since been murdered by his stepson. He was a biker dude, a customer of my dad's, and he lived and loitered in a part of Dallas that is a bit more rough around the edges and loosey-goosey than a starched white neighborhood.
I'm picturing the bounty hunter guy from Raising Arizona.
James - Wayne is a total ass, but he is occasionally an extremely funny ass. Yes, you can legally walk around with a big blade strapped on if it is openly visible. My understanding is the size limit of 5.5 inches on a blade in Texas is for a concealed knife(i.e. hidden in a pocket or somewhere on your person. Someone correct me if I'm wrong.
o.g. - Possibly, or maybe Crocodile Dundee was trying to be him, or maybe he was the guy with "Bad Motherfucker" printed on his wallet. The third is my guess.
nongirlfriend - isn't it? I've got a million of them!
How can you stand being around your family? I tell you, if I had to do that much laughing all the time, I'd be investing in Depends.
Well, I went and looked, and near as I can tell, according to the Texas penal code, it's unlawful to carry an illegal knife. 'Illegal knife' is defined as having a blade length of more than 5.5 inches. This is, of course, only my interpretation, so don't quote me if you start packing a knife around and get stopped by the police.
Classic!!! And his stepson murdered him? He obviously should have opted to wear a .357 Magnum instead of a sword!
Isn't it funny that the latest census on average penile length is also 5.5 inches? They stopped using data in which men measured themselves in these polls and the average size decreased. I guess everyone decided to round up to the nearest inch. Evidently that final half inch is deadly...
-Al
barbara - yeah, lots of funny folk in my family (not all of them intentionally so, though). We have a good time - there's never yelling and screaming or vicious arguments or anything like that. Wayne can be hilarious, but he can also be incredibly mean. I'd like to think it's unintentional. Then again, I probably seem pretty mean sometimes, too. And I assure you it's usually unintentional, in my case!
james - oh, I'm packing a knife, darling, but the blade is more diminutive than the outrage of 5.5 inches. I dunno how or why the guy got away with it - but apparently being brazen paid off for him. At least until his stepson popped him.
dave macintyre - Yeah, it's funny that asking about it the next day I got the bit of the story about him being murdered. Yup, a .357 woulda come in handy, definitely. I suppose his fairy godmother was on furlough that day. He sounds like a sight to behold, though.
anonymous Al - *L* Sounds like an angry half inch, frankly. This seems like more than a coincidence. I'm calling foul.
I'm glad to know that you're carrying a knife, since so few ladies do so anymore. It took me forever to convince my darling bride to carry and use the pocket knife I gave her, but I finally wore her down through repeated trips to our favorite barbecue joint.
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