Fatale Abstraction

I've been sitting on this subject for a while, and it's about time I pop the pimple and let fly with some pent-up angst. I've a fair bit of ire stoked here, so I hope you will forgive me if this turns into a convoluted harangue. So long as you agree with me 100% by the end of this post, I don't care how unhinged I may seem in the process.

About 2 years ago my husband's brother married a girl from the San Francisco area, where he has lived and worked for the past 8 years or so.

SisterInLaw is a nutritionist, and self-proclaimed health nut (passive-aggressive princess), and BrotherIL is just the sort of moldable, eager-to-please male women like that crave. He always wanted to get away from Texas, and I have no doubt there is a wee bit of self-loathing in his stripe of liberal feministic mindset. She claims to have him on a very strict dietary regimen, and in fact, the time he came to Dallas before the wedding, he said the crap food he was eating here had so bound him up that he was stuck in his hotel room most of the visit, and went home days early. Well, fine. Whatever.

So, since no one but my husband and his brother are allowed in their parents' house (I'm not kidding - they live 5 miles from us in Dallas, and after 12 years of marriage, I have never been in their home) BIL & SIL stayed with us when they came to Texas in Oct 2004. I was delighted they were coming, and having been aware of the digestive, er, difficulties BIL had the previous visit, I spared no expense stocking the kitchen with the very finest (read, expensive) organic produce and anything in the store that looked healthyish. I let them know that when they arrived there would be fresh fruit, cheese, and sandwich stuff at our house. So we waited for them to come from the airport. And we waited. They were 2 hours late when they finally showed up, but they said they had to drive around for a while until they found a Jason's Deli to eat. OK. Fair enough. They're tired, traveling and hungry, maybe they want predictable fare. The next meal, they wanted to go to Chili's (?!) and got some fajita-type product. Subsequent meals out only confirmed my belief that they were not at all picky about what they ate. They didn't eat a single banana, orange, apple or any other fruit I provided the entire week they were here. The day before they left, we were driving around, and SIL said "we need to stop at the store and buy some fruit" and I suspect husband's quick response was in hopes that I wouldn't let fly on they ass, as my fingers were digging into the automobile upholstery. He said "there is lots of great fruit at the house already." Most inexplicably to me - they don't believe in eating beef until it's cooked into an inanely gray and tasteless state. My philosophy is that if God didn't intend us to eat raw beef, then it wouldn't taste so good raw. For my steaks, just knock the horns off and wipe its ass, slap it on my plate and I'm one happy phlegmmy.

Before their arrival, I decked out their bedroom/bathroom with everything I could think of to make the space welcoming and comfortable for them. The only thing I could have added would have been a mini bar, but I knew I didn't care THAT much about impressing them.

Despite all this obvious effort on my part, little was said of the welcoming cordiality of my preparations. Again, fine. Whatever.

However, it was not long into the visit that I started hearing about how a place should be more diverse, and that SIL was thankful she grew up in San Francisco where she didn't just see white republicans everywhere. OK. No longer fine here. This was election season, and every other house on our street had a Vote Democrat! sign in their lawn, and no Repulican signs to be seen. My hackles are rearing their ugly heads at this point. The smug superiority was absolutely insufferable, and pretty much culminated in a heated discussion (I'd held my tongue long enough) the night before they left. The condescension was too much to endure another minute. I was delighted to see the back of them, to say the least.

Husband's parents have just completed construction of a palatial new home in one of Dallas' toniest suburbs, and BIL & SIL are coming to visit during the first week of April. Here's the amazing part: they are going to stay at the in-laws' new house with them. (Glory to the day of my deliverance.) Oh, to be a fly on the wall and see how sick of each other they all get. Fortunately, I have a large family gathering in Arkansas the following weekend, and I may just have to leave town early to go visit some art gallery spaces in Arkansas and Memphis to see if they would carry my work. Thank God for legitimate excuses!

I'll don my best cotillion voice and purr how I'm so disappointed I won't get to spend more time with them while they're in Texas. Actually, I'd like to take them to a rot-gut true blue Mexican joint that serves the best Chicken mole in town (my favorite). I should take them to places to let them see that Dallas isn't all white. I'll bet they'd shit themselves. We could go for Dim Sum in the Asian Gangland area of Garland. Go for a Sunday outing at the every-color trash playground of Traders Village. (The incense guy has 3' long joss rods with designer fragrances as well as "new car" and "pussy." I know. I know.)

So, that's my rant of the day. I'm sure my bullshit detector will be pegging over the next five weeks in anticipation of the hallowed visit of the anointed ones, so no doubt there will be miles more ranting to be done. All I know is, if your head is so far up the ass of political correctness and multi-culturalism, you should at least be sensitive enought not to criticize the homeplace of people who are graciously hosting your worthless ass. Thanks for letting me vent.