Fatale Abstraction

Two guys lived in a loft in my building and they built a half-pipe in their space. They had two ill-cared-for large dogs who always seemed demented. Now we know why. They were recently evicted after various violations of property rules. The space was left open Sunday, denuded of half-pipe and all their worldly goods, and the neighbors were all sitting around on the deck drinking beer as usual when Jules came over with her boxer, Noodles. Jules lived in that same loft before the skater boys and said "I wanna see what the old place looks like" and she went in and Noodles followed. She came out thirty seconds later saying how bad it smelled and the boxer came out onto the deck and started bucking like a wild bronco with its nuts in a vise. One of the neighbors said she was covered in ants, but on closer inspection they realized that the wretched beast was covered in fleas from that apartment. Now the entire property is infested and my little white dog is starting to chew and groan constantly. I bathed her as soon as I heard the story, but to no avail: she suffers the torments of the damned. We are going to the vet tomorrow, and in the meantime I am dismayed by her discomfort. I should have known something intense was going on with the fleas when I saw one leaping in and out of her coat like a dolphin. I grabbed the little bugger and dropped it into the liquid wax of a burning candle I happened to have handy. [Here's a tip for fun with ticks if you don't just enjoy keeping a mason jar of alcohol around to collect their carcasses like my grandpa in Arkansas has always done-- stick the tip of a straight pin into the wet wax of the candle and then quickly tap the back of the tick with the pin, and the wax will glue him to the pin. Then put the tick near the flame, and the tick will puff up and explode like a mini piece of popcorn. Of course, it is sick and rather cruel, but I conveniently choose to believe that ticks don't have feelings anyway, so why not enjoy ourselves on their dime?] I have been searching flea remedies online, and I looked up diatomaceous earth and here is a description that made my seat wet: Diatomaceous Earth is a natural, non-chemical product. It appears to be a powder, but it is actually razor-sharp crystals to fleas. It blocks and cuts the fleas' gills, and they die. I'm all aquiver. Fucking fleas.