34 years ago today, a gorgeous little lamb came to my family. She was unusually pretty. Little old ladies in stores would ask my mom if that was a doll in the stroller. I got just what I'd always wanted-- a baby sister.
When I was about 14, a boy asked me to a banquet, and he came to our house to visit. Mom and Dad went somewhere, but left the 5 year old home with me and the boy as chaperone. She climbed on his lap and grinned like a possum, then she proceeded to fart a blue streak. We went to the banquet, but I never went anywhere with that boy again. I quickly concluded Sis was right to have farted on his lap. Pearls before swine, and all that.
We all doted on her and spoiled her, but somewhere along the way, I found my little sister was my best friend. I love her more than I could ever express, and she will always be one of the best people on earth, to me.
I love you, Sis. Stay gassy!
My little sis will appreciate the fart angle of this post.
ReplyDeleteAwwww, thanks sis, I love you too, A
ReplyDeleteHappy B'day, A. Hope it's a great one.
ReplyDeleteSulu: "Captain, extremely adorable gaseous anomaly spotted. It seems to be attracted to the men with laps. It's following us. It appears to be extremely intelligent too."
ReplyDeleteKirk: "Red Alert! All hands brace for gaseous impact!"
:::the Enterprise rocks and rolls as the gaseous anomaly takes a seat on every lap of every man on board and lets it rip:::
GA: "brraaaaaaaaaaaaaaapppppppppppppppp! *giggle*"
Kirk: "Did. that thing. just. giggle?? What. in. God's. name. arewedealingwith?? Spock!!"
Spock: "Yes Captain."
Kirt: "What does scans reveal?"
Spock: "It appears to be a gaseous life form that has planted itself on every lap of every man on board. Scans reveal this entity is still in its infancy; no more than 5 years old."
:::ship intercom chirps:::
Scotty: "Captain, we've gawt trrroubles down herrre in engineerrring. Some kind of gaseous 'thing' have my men stuck to theirrr seats. I canna get to the contrrrols and give ya morrre powerrr.
:::the sound of bbrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappppppppppppp goes resounding all over the ship:::
Spock: "By my calculations, the gaseous anomaly will tear this ship, along with the men's pants, apart in fourteen minutes and seven point zero-six-three-eight seconds."
Kirk: "We've. got. to. get. this thing. offmyship! Suggestions!?"
Uhura: "Captain, the odor coming off the anomaly has a familiar smell. It smells like 'farts'. Perhaps if we tried using an air sanitizer with a floral fragrance."
:::brrraaaappppp:::
Kirk: [snapping his head over quickly to Spock] "Do you think it'll work?"
Spock: "Seems logical."
Kirk: [back to Uhura] "Round up all the female crewmen on board and arm yourselves with OUST. Hurry!"
:::brrraaaaaaappppppppp:::
[into the intercom] "Scotty, just. sit. tight."
Scotty: "Aye Captain. It's na like we've gawt any otherrr choice."
:::intercom chirps again:::
:::brrrraaaaaaapppppppppp:::
Bones: "Jim, I can't operate like this! What the devil is going on?? My patients are all on oxygen because of this thing and we're running out!!"
Kirk: "Bones, get nurse Chapel to arm herself with OUST and blast the thing."
:::nurse Chapel overhearing the converstsion:::
:::brrrraaaappppppppppp:::
Chapel: "I'm on it, Captain."
:::Now with all the female crewmen armed with OUST...:::
Uhura: "Captain, standing by for your orders."
:::bbrrraaaapppp:::
Kirk: "Fire!"
:::The sounds of 70 cans of OUST spraying its gas-neutralizing mist can be heard across the entire ship:::
:::braap:::
GA: "Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!"
Spock: "Captain, I do believe it is working. The entity has left the ship and is making haste to put some distance between us. Fascinating. It was 'Squeeeeeing' the whole way."
Kirk: [into the intercom] "Scotty, I need all the power you can give me. NOW!"
Scotty: "Aye Captain."
Kirk: [breathing a sigh of relief] "Sulu, let's get out of here. Take us as far away from that thing as possible, warp 9!"
Sulu: "Aye Captain."
:::As the Enterprise hurtles through space on a heading to God-knows-where...:::
Kirk: "That gaseous anomaly was adorable, but deadly. Perhaps if we run into it again, say in 29 years, it will have grown up into a beautiful Nebulous Cloud."
Spock: "Indeed."
thud - been there, done that? little sisters are wonderful things to have. :)
ReplyDeleteA - XOXOXO
Hols - :)
Orangeneck - That. Was. fabulous!
Happy Birthday, A.!
ReplyDeleteOrangeneck, you are my new hero!
Christina - Awwwww....:::blush:::
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday, sister of Phlegmmy! The whole family is pretty fabulous, as far as I can tell.
ReplyDelete