...only as clean as Coldwater'll get 'em.

Did you hear that joke about the guy who dines with an old hermit friend who says the dishes and things are only as clean as Coldwater'll get 'em, and the guest grins and bears the meal? Then after dinner, the hermit calls over his dog, Coldwater...



Himself grandly cooked me a lovely steak dinner with mushrooms. Was delicious. I left the dishes until the next day. "Ahh!" I thought to myself as I approached the aftermath, impressed that he took trouble to at least clean out the electric skillet. The lid was sparkling clean and there didn't appear to be anything remaining in the pan. Was sweet of him to at least take care of washing the largest vessel used to prepare the meal, and one that's a bit unwieldy in even a large sink.



Finishing up the dishes, I lifted the lid on the electric skillet and thought "hmm, that's oddly redolent of mushrooms, for a clean skillet..." Further investigation yielded evidence that my dearest delight had ill-used my wee pups as slave-labour for kitchen help. No doubt they were kicking and screaming the whole way. Some sort of pack behaviour, I'd reckon. So that's how he stole Alpha- status right out from under me... *snerk*

From my mouth to Bacchus' ears...

I don't drink often, but when I do, I want my drink to be a nice drink. No crap wine, and certainly no "beer" that should have been left in the horse, thank you very much.

For quite some time, I've been harboring a hankering for a Bloody Mary but I don't want to go to a bar to get one. A few weeks back, I found a cute lucite shaker in a store and I nearly bought it but didn't. I have, I reasoned, the most grand shaker I've ever seen, (yeah, I'm waiting for the comments on that one - I'll set 'em up-- you knock 'em down) but it was in one of dozens of boxes in the storage unit I've had here in town since I moved out of Dallas, and I reasoned I'd not find it for many moons.

Well, see what happens to people who get motivated?

My lovely etched-glass shaker was in one of the first two boxes I brought out of storage on Tuesday night. *squeeeeee!*

I've been saving the pickle juice from FarmMom pickles for my martinis, too. Yep. Gonna put some pickle juice in me BloodyMary as well. Drinkie-noms!

drive-by cheesing.

Himself insisted my classical education was sorely lacking for not having seen The Clash of the Titans, version 1981. *throat clearing*

Burgess. Burgess. Burgess. What were you thinking? (I know: paycheck, but still.) Way to represent with the cornballery! This makes your turn in Magic look like high art. But I forgive you. It's not as though you're Harry Hamlin.

A word on Harry Hamlin-- so much of the film was focused on lovingly showing Our Harry's freshly glossed lips and bouffy 'do that they didn't have much time left over for actual clashing. Did he even get a nick or a scratch when he was wallerin' around in that swamp with Calibos? Way too clean, in my book.

[aside from Himself as Harry again has to fight Calibos, having shown mercy by just lopping off one of his appendages during their first encounter: "that wouldn't happen to your boyfriend." I replied "Of course not. Boyfriend would have kilt Calibos ded the first time he was begging for it." He's a gentleman that way - don't make someone ask you twice.]

I'll spare you the bulk of my reflections on this film, but suffice to say its Velveeta Quotient goes to 11. What I wonder is if Medusa's blood is so caustic that it melts a shield produced by a goddess, then how's come her still-oozing melon doesn't etch its way through the cape in which it's carried to the film's denouement?

Oh, silly me. What was I thinking?

Can't wait to see the update. Come to that, here's a treatment of the original with sounds from the later version. I call this a vast improvement, but the first is definitely worth seeing. Once.

Bittersweet.

Okay, on this video I sound like the biggest dork in the world, but I forgive myself. Just turn the sound down.

Driving home Sunday afternoon I swung the car by Chez Muffin and saw to my dismay that her family was loading their household goods into a trailer. She was there in the back, so Himself and I drove back home (me, sobbing all the way), got some treats for my pocket and walked over to see her again. She's an incredibly sweet, lovely little dog. I filmed this video then with my phone. You can tell she's a little happy to see me, too.

When I posted about her a few weeks back, I scraped up my courage and went by and knocked on the door to Muffin's house. A man opened the door, I introduced myself and said that I loved seeing the little dog when I went for walks and was sorry they were moving. I handed him a card with my cell number and I said if he ever needs a home for her, be it soon or in 5or 10 years, to please call me. He said his daughter would be very upset if the dog went away, but he seemed like a nice guy and at least that made me feel better about who was caretaker for that little darling.

That's all I can do, I suppose. And considering how blessed I am for puppies, this really could have been one of those be-careful-what-you-wish-for things, with a new dog coming in and the grab-bag of behavioral problems they can bring. I just thought Muffin would have been such a good fit with this little menagerie.

I'm happy she's okay and not leaving my life because of a tragedy, but I am really sad she's going. Scratching her ears through the fence was a high spot in our evening walks, and now I'll wonder how she is and if anyone's sweet talking her properly every day.

Such is life, eh?

Sunday, Puppy Sunday: The Watchers

Woe betide he who wanders onto pack territory...

However, whether they can distinguish forms through the window's hazy glaze of doggie nose smears is seriously in question.

how frelling dare you.

This I address not to my regular lovely readers. You are sexy, beautiful people and probably good at everything. Oh, no. This goes out to one particular person. You know who you are.

Dear Syphillitic Piece of Loosely Organized Dung:

How frelling dare you deface my mailbox.

I did not invite your sorry ass to my house, nor do I ever anticipate doing so. I do not care that your sorry OCD arse is maddened by the lack of numbering on my house or mailbox. Who the hell do you think you are to take a Sharpie and write numbers on my melon-farming property like some apocalyptic white-trash wastrel???

That the lack of numbering drives you nuts matters naught to me. This is not your home and you do not rate here. Again I say I don't want you here and I'm fine with other random undesireable people not knowing what my street number is, either. Somehow, my bills manage to find their way to my mailbox. My friends and family have no difficulty finding my house. If you're not my friend or family member and you are not my mailman, then kindly bugger yourself running elsewhere forthwith and forget my house exists.

Now I have re-painted my lowly little mailbox and I realize this will be sorely tempting for you, but I want you to think long and hard before you act on your inane, no-life impulses: be aware that all my neighbors are elderly, retired and keep a pretty good eyeball on the goings-on around here. Disposable cameras are cheap, and even if all others fail me, I know I can rely on Mrs. Kravitz. When I catch you vandalizing my property, there will be a reckoning.


Love & Kisses,


Phlegmmy

free-style battle rap [translation]

Stuff we love: Mutt Muffs

Do you ever wish your puppy were more at home on the range?

Well, now they can be with Mutt Muffs!

Here's Jennifer's comely little dog, Heidi, who is a chihuahua/dog-next-door mix. She looks quite the adventuress in her Mutt Muffs and she's certainly ready for all kinds of noisy action. Ms. Jennifer looks hawt in her red Docs, too, btw. ;)

I LOVE Jane Horrocks

DARLING!

gadgetgasm: avocado tool

I complimented the perfect avocado slices on a dish Mom made once and she showed me a tool she'd gotten for just such purpose. I *squeee*ed and she said she'd pick one up for me, which she did. the loop end helps you pop the pit out of the center, and the little harp end is strung with taut wire for slicing perfect wedges of the soft fruit.

This avocado slicer is a marvel. I tried to find a video for it, but I couldn't. Anyway, you'll have to trust me on this one. Is fabulous.

I 'bout dropped my transmission...

...when I saw this post over at buzzfeed:

14 Styles Lady Gaga Stole From People Of Wal-Mart.


I larfed and larfed.

SPeaking of... has anyone seen Marilyn Manson and Lady Gaga in the same room?

I find it interesting...

...that with all the profound proestations of the media over the British Petroleum spill down to the very sackcloth-and-ashes and gnashing-of-teeth routine, that there's very little news out there at all about the oil well's leak having effectively been stopped. I saw a teaser about this on msn.com, but it's not a top story, apparently.

Can this be because the bad puddy-tat BP proved effective underscoring of the MSM's perennial drumbeat of environmentalism/gubmint oversight into private business/go green partylines, but for BP to be able to affect a stemming of the flow of oil does not dovetail with their message?

Whatever the reason, I feel offended on many levels. I'm offended there is a heavy-handed delivery of a story which I'm sure was sickening to BP execs, employees and investors as it was to the rest of us, and I'm offended that when BP finally was able to correct the situation, the media seem to be very light-touched about getting the word out.

Am I mis-perceiving this? Would I feel differently if I owned a television? Correct me if the MSM are ballyhooing the closure of the well, please.

ARRRRRRR ya gonna talk like a pirate today?

Avast me hearties!



Pass me the rum!

Sunday, Puppy Sunday: Jack Russell Terriers are misunderstood

While it's true that my JRTs have at moments channeled speed demons, I know these little dogs are all heart and are capable of a dazzling ability to focus. I think a lot of people were charmed by the dogs used on Wishbone or other TV shows and ran out and got a Jack Russell without really researching whether this breed was a good fit for their family or not, and JRTs got a bit of a reputation as being difficult. This is a pity, and it's not the dogs' fault at all.

They are smart and can get up to mischief, but they are lionhearted little dogs and given the proper socialization, a JRT can be a devoted companion and fierce defender. I'll never forget the how my heart was stirred by the little Jack Russell who saved his family's children by giving his life defending them from two attacking pit bulls. Then there's the little dog in the video above named Spice who is acting as mother to two little orphans of another species. Yeah, I know JRTs aren't the only ones who do that, but I think this must be a very special little dog, just the same. Look how placid she is? I see that all the time with mine [unless there's a bunny in pack territory].

Anyway, if you just get occasional glimpses of them, you may not have the full picture. Sometimes you have to work very hard to be worthy of the nobility of your pet. I'm trying every day, and sometimes I fail, but it's important to have goals. I want to be like that thing on that email that went around - I want to be worthy of what my dogs think of me. :)

One more thing-- from the penetrating mind of the lovely LabRat I once heard a bit of wisdom about irritating dog breeds: they are what they were bred to be so it's really not fair to blame the dog for being annoying. Jack Russels were bred for the purpose of going to ground-- running down holes to hold or extract foxes, groundhogs and other critters their masters are hunting, for whatever reason. They zero in on fur-bearing critters something fierce, and woe betide the squirrel or rabbit they get hold of. JRTs were made to work, they want to work, and all working breeds need a purpose in their lives or they will be bored and will exasperate all around them. Just be sure you take into account what the purpose of the breed is you're getting and what personality traits tend to accompany that purpose, and make sure those quirks will fit with your family. In my humble opinion, if you could even consider having a family portrait without your doggie in it, then you should either have a different dog, or have no dog at all.