Hugh Laurie lager advert, 1980s

Kelly of "incredibly hot one" fame and I have been volleying emails in recent weeks over the action on Top Chef. We were both steamed at the nasty turn of events and how two of the top 3 we chose didn't make it to the final 2. Last weeks penultimate episode of season 2 delivered a shocker in that Sam--crowd favorite and American Badass™--was sent packing for serving up food that "played it safe," whilst Syndrome/Marcel foamed his way to the top 2 to vie with the mild-mannered Ilan. I've been nosing around the internet and guess what I've come across:

The ultimate spoiler from hell. If you want to find out who the winner is, click this link. Apparently for a few minutes on Monday, Food & Wine magazine accidentally posted an interview/profile of the Top Chef winner, and a savvy reader did a screenscrape et voila! Now on the F&W site, they have a little blurb saying that a reader poked around and found one of the two profiles they had done in anticipation of one or the other person winning. I mean, come on - they've known who the winner is for absolute ages. Sheesh.

Top that with the fact that if you read Marcel's MySpace page, he has some reggae track which intones something to the effect of "you can't keep me down."

Irie, bitch.

Anyway, I'm not the sort to read the last page of the book first, but I hate the suspense of waiting to see how things turn out. Yes, I'd open all presents early if that were an option. Yes, I'd happily eat dessert before the entree. Yes, I'm happy I know how Top Chef will turn out, and I'm still going to watch it tomorrow night.

But I swear I'm not going to get sucked into that Interior Designer show on Bravo. Must...not...watch...must...not.......

I don't care what you believe and which side of the whole Iraq debate you come down upon.

What I CAN say for certain is that if you, for any reason on earth, vandalize the Capitol building that belongs to all of us, you are a trashy, vile piece of shit and deserve a serious beating.

Thanks for removing all doubt, morons.

There's this massive bird nest in one of the biggest trees on my property. I think I'm going to tell maintenance to not interfere with it, although I don't think anyone's living there right now.

In news unrelated to this huge nest, an African white-backed vulture escaped from the Dallas Zoo this weekend. I suspect that turkey is halfway to Brazil by now.

More cold weather coming - NICE!

Here's a modern problem I wonder if anyone else has experienced: I went to a restaurant today and miracle of miracles - the best parking spot in the joint was sitting demurely, all come-hither and I drove right into the spot. I gathered up my bag and my book and I opened the door and *HONK! HONK! HONK!* my car alarm sounded and kept going off for about 30 seconds. THen it stopped for about ten seconds and started honking again. I pushed the red button on the remote and it wouldn't stop. I put the key in the ignition - nothing. Diners are staring out of the windows and giving me the universal *screw-you* stylings of the hairy eyeball, and I'm scrambling through the owner's manual whilst simultaneously dialing my father. Seriously - it was going off and on for about 5 minutes straight by the time we finally got it sorted. I'm the kind of person who can think well under pressure, but this was so incredibly distracting that I read the words aloud from the manual to dad, and he told me to do what the book said - I literally couldn't process it! Fortunately, being addled like that is a rarity for me. What can you do but laugh?

There was a guy, a reverend of some sort, in my class this weekend who was like that. The teacher had us work in groups of 2 or 3, and we were only a few chairs apart and we were obvious partners. I would announce the correct answer to him, and then he would argue with me. I finally stuck my finger in my ear nearest him and just did my own work without discussing it with him. At the time we were to check our work against the answer key in the back of the book, he announced to me "We got number 8 and number 11 wrong." I said "I didn't. I answered them correctly."

Sometimes someone's yammering bossy voice distracts you and makes it hard to think. Sometimes some dickhead's car alarm disrupts your meal. Sometimes, your car/pet/child is dead set on behaving badly in public. I figure you've just got to stick your finger in your ear and get on with it anyway, and hopefully you don't get kicked off the plane/island/planet.

Did you know the postal service will deliver bees and chicks and insects? It's true.

Once when I worked at the Dallas Bulk Mail Center, somehow a huge crate of baby chicks got broken open, and everyone was scrambling to find all the little chicks and scoop them up. All the machinery in the building was shut down, all the forlkifts and jitneys quit moving and even the tow-line was turned off so people could listen for and find the little escapees. It was weird to be in such a cavernous place and hear the sweet little "cheep-cheep" of the chicks. I hope they didn't end up in the dead letter office in Atlanta, but there's no telling. It was kind of nice, the unexpected break, and something organic and innocent disrupting a big bustling brutal network of machinery such as that facility.

More on that crap job some other time.

Real estate school is fascinating. It's probably worth it for just about anyone to take this class at least once - I know that even if I never sell a house, I'm going to be more in control of the process if I ever buy another house for myself.

I thought the instructor was fantastic, because she's had 40 years in the business and did a lot of tough talking. Some people didn't come back after the lunch break. She talked of unscrupulous lenders (like that's a surprise?!), fraud-prone brokers and agents, and how the industry has a bad reputation with people. Crap! So, I'm going to be reviled on par with a dentist? What fresh hell, indeed?

Oh well. Anyway, she was an engaging instructor and I never nodded or drooled or fell over as I rather expected. This next couple months will be a bit of a grind, but perhaps not so bad as I feared.

ROME SPOILERS ALERT! Highlight if you want to read about tonight/next week.
Wow, Rome is getting pretty wild, eh? So the servant girl is going to die from the poison Servilia's boy put in the soup, Atia is going to torture him, and Servilia's number is finally going to be up. I suspect that this time Atia won't simply leave Servilia naked, on foot and humiliated in the streets of Rome like last time - I'm expecting capital punishment ordered by the mother of Caesar. Two fully nekkid principal actors - male yet - count 'em, and nary a tit in sight - here's to equal time! Also, next week, they will finally unveil the later model of Octavian/Augustus. It's kind of a pity they had to change actors - I thought the young guy was doing a masterful job of kicking ass in the brainiest way possible, but I suppose legions wouldn't have responded well to orders from someone whose testicles might not have dropped yet, so there you are.

I thought it was hilarious how Atia talked trash about Octavia slumming with a mere merchant's daughter right in front of the girl - Atia really is the most delicious bitch. I don't think there's a nerve in her body - she must have the limbic system of a squid. Wonderful. Anyway, I think it's probably a bad sign that Octavia has taken up smoking herb. Then again, life for women at that time was either incredibly dangerous, boring, or both, and probably getting stoned would take the edge off, I'm guessing. Smoke 'em if ya got 'em!

Pullo and Lucius got into a scrap, and it looks like Lucius has trotted off to Gaul with Mark Antony, and of course, Pullo is Octavian/Caesar's man, so I think they may end up pitted against each other on the battlefield. That would be a golden time for Pullo to de-fuse LV's ire by telling him his children are still alive. Yay! Chance for reconciliation? I certainly hope so. And I hope then that Lucius will forswear all that Son of Hades stuff. But I'm not holding my breath.

Fan-bloody-tastic show. Love it. Love. IT!

hyuk! hyuk!

Fat Cat - Beautiful in any language!

Now the person who posted this on youtube called it "fat cat in China" but I'd bet a lung this is Japanese. I kept hearing "nekko" which I think is Japanese for "cat" and I heard "deska" which I think means "already," but I could be wrong. Anyway - I think it's so adorable that someone has come up with a manageable cat-- just keep them too fat to move. I love when the guy tucks it in for a nap! Now if only they can invent an immobile, manageable cat that is dander-free.

One thing that is sort of lost on me is buying decorations for every single holiday.

I once knew a woman who was perpetually running out to buy lots of seasonal- or holiday-oriented decorative crap, big groups of decorative items made to go together - I just don't get it. What's up with a need to constantly re-decorate and tweak the arrangement of one's home? I mean, I like putting up a Christmas Tree, but you'll never see me go overboard with decorations other than that, and even that I have to do my own way, as you know. I think if you're a person with a lot of time or a personal army of Oompa Loompas (Martha Stewart), then it's great to decorate.

Oh, actually, the one person I know whose seasonal decorating is impeccable and thoughtfully, artfully done is my longtime friend Kim over at Something to Say. Click here and scroll down to see the night photos of her pumpkins and on down to see some of her decorations with twigs and paper lanterns over the table. What Kim does with decoration is GLORIOUS, actually, and the opposite of the whole store-bought shebang I'm griping about. One look at the jack-o-lanterns will convince you what an incredible artistic eye and hand she has, but that's what's great about her decoration - it's not necessarily anything she purchased - it's the way she has of taking things and unifying elements and bringing outdoor things in and making something genuinely festive and inspiring of the surroundings.

Actually, it's not even just the way people buy entire groupings of themed seasonal stuff - it's trendy living in general that amazes me. At work I see the apartments of young people who must have purchased an entire "room" from West Elm or some such, and other than the occasional framed photo or article of clothing, there is no mix that reflects any real personality or in any way signifies the taste of the actual occupant. The home of the holiday-decorator I knew always looked like it was whisked in freshly from the Pier I floor.

Of course, I've explained that my sense of decor is of the Neo-Trashical™ school in which one mixes antiques and junk store finds with posh new appointments from hip emporia the world over. No, I have no cinder-block shelving, but beyond that, pretty much any crappy thing can tickle my fancy. But all that is reflective - it's not who I am, but symbolic of my craving for variety and texture, and though I might move things occasionally or add something to the mix once in a great while, it's part of home and if you took my stuff out and beamed in a showroom-full of "perfect" furnishings from Horchow or Ligne-Roset or wherever - I'd walk in, feel a chill and immediately say "where's all my shit?!!!" and promptly vent hella spleen on all responsible parties.

Anyway. It's funny, because when I was very young, I bought some incredible vintage pieces of furniture in thrift stores, but all the while I was thinking how I could do a smouldering decor scheme if I had a grandiose budget. Now I know that sometimes, the coolest thing you'll ever own is that wacky 50's sofa you got at Thrift Town for $40.

Wow, it's amazing what a little time capsule undeveloped film can be.

I was cleaning (fancy that!) and digging through a box of stuff from a couple years ago, and came across a disposable camera with 4 shots taken on it. Husband took it to be developed today, but I didn't know what was on it.

A couple times I wondered why these shots never turned up, but I never did try to dig through developed photos - just thought they had to be in there somewhere.

Two years ago December, we'd made our usual holiday trek out to Arizona, but I got sick and was terrified of giving a virus to my grandmother, who was in the throes of a losing battle with cancer. We turned tail at Las Cruces NM and went home, coming back a few weeks later in January. When we got there, grandma was in a much-diminished state from the previous fall. We drove home that week, and drove back in February with my sister and niece and nephew.

Anyway, every grandaughter and great granddaughter who ever woke up in Bertie's house had this special moment with her. It was an unspoken tradition, but we all ended up "helping" her make her fabulous buttermilk biscuits. I'd walked in on this early morning scene and stole a couple pictures of their moment together. It was incredibly sweet. And there it is, the same old biscuit cutter she used when I was a little girl, same wonderfully soft and smooth dough and same sweet granny.

Bertie was wearing a stocking cap because her hair was all gone. She mostly wouldn't have bothered with that, but I think she didn't want to alarm anyone. Once she was wearing a wig and ran into an acquaintance at the store, and the woman said "Well, look at that hair, Bertie! Are you trying to stay young?" Grandma said "No, I'm just trying to stay."

Anyway, seeing these photos for the first time tonight, I'm a pitiful mess. I can't believe I lost both my grandmothers in an 11 month period. I feel incredibly blessed that I got to have them both until I was nearly 40, but I wish they were still here. My grandmas were the absolute best.

Tam at View From the Porch found this golden chestnut, and I'm passing it along to you. You can pop back over there to chase its provenance. Enjoy:

"If we gave Hillary the
Medicare budget and got her to invest it in cattle futures, there'd be more than
enough money to buy insurance for everyone!"

Quite!

Note to self - cayenne pepper doesn't feel good in paper cuts.

Friday night I made a fantastic salad with mixed sweet baby greens, dried cranberries, feta cheese, chunks of turkey and sweet&spicy pecans I whipped up this evening. I really do love honey-roasted nuts, but it's like too much of a good thing - a little too cloying.

I took a few tablespoons Karo syrup and mixed in about 1/2 t of salt, about 1 t of cayenne pepper, about 1/2 t fresh-cracked black pepper, and about 1/2 t of sage powder. Mixed them up and put them on a foil-covered bake sheet & stuck them in a 350ish oven for about 10 minutes or so. Then turned them out onto another foil sheet, making sure they weren't all globbed up. THen when they cool, break up any bits that did manage to stick together. Next time, I'm going to sprinkle on some Japanese 5 spice powder when they are still warm and sticky - that should be delicious.
Anyway, the pepper gives the nuts a little bit more oomph and adds something to the whole salad. I mixed the greens with a simple olive oil/balsamic vinegar dressing. easy peasy.

This is one of my favorite salads ever - it manages to be incredibly savory and satisfying without seeming too bland or - you know? You know how you are halfway through grazing a salad and you suddenly realize you are really sick of lettuce forever and ever? It doesn't happen with this salad.

OK, I've been really good about not trashing people lately, but someone left an apartment in such vile condition that I'm going to post photos here on Tuesday and share a few thoughts I'm having on hygiene. It's just that I'm wondering how in the course of normal usage a person might break the lid of the toilet tank. And other things... I mean, THIS makes leaving a dead animal in an apartment seem almost understated. Nasty. Ew.

I'm starting real estate school this weekend. Ugh. I'm so sleep-deprived it's getting pretty bad. If I don't fall alseep in class it will be a miracle. Ah, sleep: perchance, to drool.

See you on the other side.

It's time for an end to the celebrity stalking!

How fatuous is it when celebrities dump their spouses and then have their publicists release statements to the press???:

A spokesman said: "They have requested that they be allowed their
privacy at this time."

Translation: Please google us and come see our movie.

Tam and Hollyb have both tagged me with a meme in which I reveal 5 unusual or little-known things about myself. Seems I've done something like this recently, but here goes:

1. I prefer bottled water to city water, and I prefer sparkling water to non-carbonated, and I prefer Pellegrino to Perrier.

2. I went to court-reporting school for a bit after high school. I had the attention-span of a lit match and sort of drifted away.

3. I was a cheerleader in 8th grade, but I flaked out in my studies (it's not as if I was ever studious before) and got kicked off the squad. This sucked, because I could no longer ride to the games with my friend across the street, Lanell Antonetti, who had an adorable brother who was in high school. Oh well.

4. Same year, we were moving to Texas and my mom decided to wreak the ultimate vengeance upon me and make me repeat 8th grade, even though I passed 8th grade and was qualified to enter 9th. She was successful in that quest after lobbying the evil Principal Heath to her cause, and informed me I would repeat the 8th grade until I had a better attitude. When I got to Texas, the classes were easy and we were doing work I'd done in Arkansas in 6th or 7th grade, and I made honor roll without trying. Mom was so proud of herself for turning things around for her wayward pup. I don't think my attitude has ever changed, actually, but I certainly learned to keep my thoughts to myself. Then came blogger...

[Eek! I'm sensing a completion issues theme here. Time to change gear!]

5. I like to pick up rocks and bring them home when I travel. I have lots of rocks. I have one pretty dove gray/slate blue rock shaped sort of like Venus di Milo which I picked up on the beach at Dover in England. I also have a lot of heart-shaped rocks.

OK, I guess this was odd - I hope it wasn't too crashingly dull!


Liz' girl Bean came through the surgery very well, and thanks for all the warm wishes from all you lovely folks. I hope the results are the best possible outcome for her, and I know she's in the best of care with incredibly loving parents.

Now, you must know Liz is an incredibly learned person from a long line of brainiac folk, so intellectually she's no slouch. Anyway, she married a super-smart engineer-type guy and of course to everyone's joy they had Bean. Bean is adorable and so much a little girl and so much a little lady all at the same time. Anyway, once she was talking to someone and said "Mommy wouldn't understand that. She's an artist. Daddy and I are scientists." Mind you, this was when she was about 3.
It warms my heart when I hear she is so proud to wear the little necklace I made, because she has a great sense of style. She's recently dubbed herself the "Queen of Dallas, Texas." My kind of gal!